6min readCulture 05 January 2018
While we were all gearing up for the holiday season in mid-December, there was an email scandal brewing that was destined to change the future of one of America's most treasured television spectacles, forever.
On the 21st of the month, The Huffington Post broke a story of salacious emails from the upper echelons of management in the Miss America pageant. The emails paint a bleak view of the pageant's hierarchy - a male-dominated, crude system grounded in what can only be described as the purest form of "bro-culture," and chaired by Sam Haskell.
It's nothing we haven't seen before. From tech, to Hollywood and beyond, every industry has been plagued by this behavior, 2017 just happened to become the year it was exposed.
In the wake of the story, Haskell and other executives implicated by the emails quickly resigned, while former Miss Americas Gretchen Carlson, Mallory Hagan and Kate Shindle put together a petition with a view to restructuring the entire board behind the organization. They succeeded, and what we have now is Miss America 2.0.
Leading the new phase of the pageants's history is Carlson as Chairwoman, with three other titleholders, Heather French Henry, Laura Kaeppeler Fleiss, and Kate Shindle, gaining seats as well. The news has been greeted with applause across the board, with many predicting Carlson's resounding accomplishments for female empowerment will have a massive impact on the future of the pageant.
Below we've rounded up why we think her appointment as Chair is significant, both literally and symbolically.
“In the end, we all want a strong, relevant Miss America and we appreciate the existing board taking the steps necessary to quickly begin stabilizing the organization for the future."
1. A win for women
It was an enormous year, for women, for the workplace, for Carlson herself who released her second book, Be Fierce: Stop Harassment and Take Your Power Back. But wins like this are few and far between. Yes, there have been breakthroughs and those who would uphold the Mad Men era of misogyny today are slowly being weeded out, but a shift of this proportion bears a resounding significance for women everywhere.
Regardless of whether Carlson was coming in to chair Apple, Walmart or Uber, the symbolism of the shift in leadership is enormous in and of itself. Haskell, a man who evidently cared so little for those who worked for him and competed in his competition has endured a very republic removal from his seat, and Carlson, a woman who has displayed on countless occasion her respect and admiration for women and fellow contestants, has taken the role.
Whether you're a fan of pageantry or not, it's hard not to see how positive an influence this new dynamic in leadership will bear on the competition itself, and the pageantry industry worldwide.
2. Stability for Miss America at a time of tremendous turmoil
Carlson is perhaps the wisest and most conscientious pick for an incoming chair for any organization that has gone through the ringer in recent months for similar scandals.
Her championing of female causes, from her women's leadership initiative, to public outreach following the Roger Ailes scandal, makes her a terrific candidate given the climate we find ourselves in.
Turning the pageant's image around after the enormity of an email scandal such as this won't be easy. However, when you've got the approval rating of a woman who veritably began the crusade against workplace sexual harassment, there's a great probability that the organization's reputation won't remain in the gutter too long.
Gretchen Carlson. Photo courtesy of Variety
3. Changing the pageantry narrative
It's no secret that pageants themselves are contentious subjects. At its most basic level, participants are objectified, scrutinized and judged based on their physical appearance, and for ultra-feminists, this is particularly problematic.
Former Miss America Nina Davuluri notes, however, that while these are the aspects of the competition that might get the most attention, they're not nearly the most important. "I chose to enter this organization because of the values and integrity associated with the title and organization," the 2014 titleholder told SWAAY. "Empowering women through service and scholarship has always been at the forefront, and we must continue to uphold those values. Yes, Miss America is relevant. Yes, our voices are being heard. And yes, we're here to stay."
With four former titleholders on the Board who are evidently in an open dialogue with many of the others former participants out there, this indomitable network are sure to be the force for change the pageant needs right now to remain relevant and embrace a different approach going forward.
"It's unrealistic, and frankly outrageous, to think that judging women walk in swimsuits and heels is an all-encompassing approach to understanding an individual's overall health and/or lifestyle."-Nina Davuluri. Photo courtesy of Parade
4. A lesson for the masses
Justice really does taste so sweet when it's wearing heels and a fresh blowout.
Before Weinstein, Ailes, O'Reilly, Trump, there was little to no chatter about this kind of shift in power - in fact, it was almost unfathomable. A man, making $500K a year, on top of this long-held institution, would have been near untouchable, regardless of the scandal. The times, however, have well and truly changed.
The public fall from grace of the innumerable men embroiled in similar scandals will serve as cautionary tales for those in the future who might deign to treat women as they subservients, but this tale, and the rise to prominence of these women, will serve as an emphatic lesson. Do not bite the hand that feeds you.
For over a hundred years these women have been the focal points of this pageant and, gone unrecognised, they have become a force that has overhauled the board and plans to drastically change the very premise of the competition.
"As a former Miss America I feel positive & optimistic about the change of leadership at the organization. It's important to note that we also democratically elected among ourselves the four women who we felt could help usher (us) through this challenging transition: Gretchen Carlson as Chair, along with Heather French Henry, Laura Kaeppeler Fleiss, and Kate Shindle."
- Nina Davuluri
5. No better woman for the job
As Davuluri mentions above, Carlson was elected by the ladies of the organization to take charge and given our experience with her, we have no doubt as to why. Above all, she is dedicated to the cause of female empowerment with a ferocity that is unrivaled. Her passion for the cause in the aftermath of her suit against then-Fox CEO Roger Ailes undoubtedly served as the straw that broke the camel's back in the sexual harassment scandals that were to follow. Her book, Be Fierce, is a veritable guide for women to find strength enough to emerge from these difficult situations. She is a mouthpiece for the movement that has swept the nation and the world, and indicted a response never before seen.
"Gretchen has always been a woman I've admired and viewed as a role model for many years even before competing in the Miss America Organization--she is a true testament of our values," says Davuluri.
Once the dust settles and she and her fellow Miss Americas get to work on the reinvention of the pageant, we can only imagine what they will achieve.
6 Min Read
Self-care is not selfish.
What do you believe you deserve? That's a pretty loaded question, isn't it? In more than twenty years working as a women's life coach, I've asked it thousands of times, and I've received countless answers. The majority of responses I've received have been disheartening, and they've revealed a startling truth. Women - even very successful, accomplished women - doubt their deservingness.
Deservingness is not to be confused with entitlement. Entitlement is about believing you have a right to something. Deservingness is about how much you believe you're worth.
When you doubt your deservingness, what you're really uncertain about is whether or not you measure up. Are you good enough? (YES.) You've made some pretty big mistakes. Do those bad blunders make you a bad person? (NO.) Are you a good enough person to deserve good things? (YES. YOU ARE.)
Many women carry around a secret shame that impacts their feelings of self-worth and deservingness.
Our stories are individual, but our core experiences are very much the same.
At some point in your life, someone told you there was something wrong with you. This is inevitable, of course, because there's something wrong with all of us, but it gets to dangerous and disempowering territory through repetition.
If even one person in your life tells you over and over again that there's something wrong with you, well, you can start to believe them. Being rejected or criticized hurts, and it has a cumulative effect. Imagine every criticism you've ever received is a tiny little pin that landed right in your heart. (Seriously bad visual, right? Wouldn't your heart look like a pincushion if that was the case?) Beyond hurting like hell, a heart full of pins holds you back and makes you play small. YOU ARE NOT SMALL. I want you to stop acting like you are.
In life, you always create the results you believe you deserve. If you don't believe you deserve good things, you won't let yourself have them.
You'll sabotage, procrastinate, and excuse the good right out of your life if you don't believe you deserve it. Happily, you can raise your sense of deservingness, and deepen your feelings of personal worth. I'm going to show you how today. It's time to start believing in you again.
Step 1 – Take good care of yourself.
On the face of it, you'd think this advice would be obvious and unimpeachable. Of course you have to take care of yourself. The problem with this truth is that there are whole communities of people who will try to convince you that prioritizing your needs makes you a selfish person. (And who wants to be seen as selfish?)
I've never encountered a woman who hadn't heard some version of this self-care-is-selfish-nonsense. The thing is, these messages are about control, and they come from people who are happy to keep you down and disempowered. (Which makes it easier for them to manipulate you.) Do not fall for this line of hooey.
Self-care is not selfish. Self-neglect is selfish.
Self-neglect tells you that you don't matter. It asks you to stuff your wants and repress your emotions. When you chronically neglect yourself, eventually, you turn into a repressed, angry, self-doubting zombie (or banshee depending on your anger level). Nothing about self-neglect is attractive. I want you to stop doing it. TODAY.
We need you in top form. There is purpose in your life. To make good on it, you need to connect with your SELF. The most fundamental way to begin that process is to take care of your physical body. When I'm working with a client, we practice four physical care basics. (I practice these guys too. Religiously.)
- SLEEP: You need seven to eight hours of sleep. Every night. No exceptions.
- HYDRATE: You need proper daily hydration. Water is energy.
- NOURISH: You need to eat food that nourishes. Not just food that fills your stomach.
- RELEASE YOUR STRESS: You need some way to unload your tension. Think working out, meditation, journaling, gardening, prayer, sitting in nature, cooking, or hot scented bathing. Let. It. Go. Girl. ☺
Notice I said, "you need." These are non-negotiable requirements. If you're tempted to argue against your ability to practice them, please pause. I've heard every excuse known to woman. And I don't buy a single one of them. We're in a no-excuses zone now. You don't get to argue against yourself and also be empowered. It doesn't work that way. You have to choose.
If you haven't taken care of yourself in a long time, this topic can feel totally overwhelming. I understand, and I want you to do it anyway. Remember, I'm your coach. A loving boot-in-the-butt will sometimes be required in our relationship. Consider this my velvet tipped toe, making contact with that booty of yours.
Take a deep breath and start tackling your care basics. You DO have time. You are NOT selfish, and there's no wrong way to do this except not to do it at all. Practice makes powerful. SO PRACTICE!
Okay, time to up the ante a little bit. This next step is harder.
Step 2 – Be someone you can count on.
You can't think your way into believing in your own worth, but you can act your way there. As it turns out, keeping the commitments you make to yourself increases your feelings of worth and deservingness, and strengthens your confidence too.
Think about it. You make countless commitments every day. The trouble bis that most of them are for other people. When you don't have a strong sense of your own worth, you agree to most incoming requests. Which means you're probably way overcommitted.
When your calendar is crowded, and something's got to give, you're the one who usually goes. Because it's easiest to break commitments to you, right?
Every time you break a commitment to yourself, what you're really doing is showing yourself, through your own inaction, that you don't matter. NO! Bailing on yourself is like giving your hopes and dreams a big middle finger. (Please stop doing it.)
It's time to start following through FOR YOU. Don't panic. I'm not suggesting you stop doing things for other people. As a woman, you're a natural-born nurturer. Of course, you're going to do it for other people. I just want you to add yourself to the list of people-you-do-for.
The best way to get a handle on showing up for yourself is to start paying attention to what's going on when you don't. What causes you to cross yourself off your own list? When you bring your triggers into your awareness, you'll notice a pattern, which will give you the power to make changes.
Take things one choice at a time. Whenever possible, choose to follow through for you. Every time you do, you remove one of those tiny little heart pins and strengthen your sense of worth and deservingness.
Now for the hardest part…
Step 3 – Stand up for yourself.
When you don't believe in your own deservingness, you become an earner. Meaning, you spend your time and energy earning love. This can show up in a lot of different ways. We'll talk about three of them here.
- You could be a PLEASER. You say yes when you mean no. You do a ton of favors. You're secretly annoyed the entire time you're doing them, but you keep doing them anyway.
- You might be a PERFORMER. You're the life of the party and an overachiever. You use material items and accolades like money, degrees, titles, and awards to prove your worth. (I used to be this girl.)
- It's possible you're a DOORMAT. This pattern is most damaging because it means you're allowing other people to treat you poorly. On the extreme end of the spectrum, this could look like allowing people to demean, degrade, or disrespect you. Even on the lesser end of things, it means you allow people to get away with passive-aggressive comments, or take advantage of you. On any end of the spectrum, doormat behavior is toxic.
It gets worse. When you live as an earner, you attract users. (That's just as bad as it sounds.) There are unfortunately people in the world that will live at your expense without giving it a second thought. If you're willing to give it, they'll take it, and even talk themselves into believing they deserve what they're taking. These kind of people like to keep you small, scared, and doubting your deservingness. (Then you do whatever they want. Whenever they want you to.)
YOU MUST STAND UP FOR YOURSELF.
Start by catching yourself in the act of playing the earner. What and who triggers the earner response in you? What are you afraid of? What are you trying to prove? If you feel drained or bad about yourself after you're with a specific person or in a certain place, you need to think twice about being with that person or in that place.
I know this is easier said than done. It's possible the people who make you feel bad are co-workers or family members. It's not like you can just stop seeing them, right? If you find yourself in this position, there is only one path. You need to speak up for yourself. Stat.
For help, you can check out three of my other blogs. They'll show you how to stop living like a pleaser, set some boundaries, and say no like you mean it. Will you be uncomfortable? Yep. You will. Can you handle it? Yes. You can. Be willing to be uncomfortable. Speak up. Stand up. Stop accepting less than you deserve.
Every time you speak up for yourself, you remove another pin from your heart, raise your sense of deservingness and you deepen your own sense of worth. You also show other women what it looks like to know your worth and live like you know it. Which encourages them to do it too. (THAT is female power.)
You are good, and you deserve good things. You deserve acceptance, belonging, and love. There's no mistake in you, my sister. YOU ARE GOOD ENOUGH. Just as you are.
My mission is your empowerment. That's why I'm here. If you haven't already joined my community, please do it by entering your email (www.kimberlyfulcher.com). Until we meet again, know that life is happening for you.
You've Got This!
KimOriginally published at www.kimberlyfulcher.com