It took me a while to feel the need to "come out the closet" but I'm talking about a different kind of closet. I decided from the beginning that I would keep my secret hidden from my family and the public. At times I felt as if I lived a double life like I was a secret agent. My family had no idea I was in the cannabis industry. And not only was I deep in it I quit my 9-5 job at the time to further pursue it.
I knew where to obtain the most potent cannabis in California and it put me in a good position business wise. I could be in a meeting with a blue-collar corporation owner and my next meeting could be with a master grower. It's all business and it was exciting but when asked I told my family I was working out of town on business projects because I didn't want them to judge me, especially my grandmother. I honestly felt empowered in those moments when I knew more about cannabis then the most successful person in the room but I never knew at the time it would one day change my life.
I was introduced to the cannabis industry by one of my best friends. His name is Twompson P also know as Cali Crop Doc who now is the Founder of RX Canna Care. To describe him in words he is a very creative artist, a math pro, visionary and scientist. He has extensive knowledge and is pretty much a genius when it comes to cannabis. Over time by working closely around him I obtained my own knowledge. I can now tell you the difference between different strains, hybrids, indoor OG's, sativas, indicas, wax and more. Ultimately, he realized just how much CBD oil was beneficial health wise so he created organic premium CBD infused skin care lines. I watched him researching, testing and mixing organic scrubs, lotions, and creams. Soon after RX Canna Care came along Relax Organics and then Canna Cosmetics. When he finally created the perfect formulas and was ready to introduce them to the market I felt like this was something really big!
It was wonderful to try the products and experience the positive outcome. I felt focused and the anxiety and stress I fought with from time to time were relieved. I believed in CBD so much on my days off I would drive up to spend time to support him with developing the early business aspects of his company. I was eager since I graduated from the ELEF (Emerging Latina Entrepreneur Fellowship) Program. It was sponsored by the National Latina Business Women's Association and was a special entrepreneur program in business development. I was given the tools I needed along with educational support from mentors, lawyers, local leaders, and professors. After graduating I founded HBM Talent & Management. I wanted to test my skills. It was just my side business at the time, I still had to work full time. I felt like a lioness, hungry and ready to go on the hunt for success.
One day I received an unexpected text from my buddy Twompson. "I got funded! We need to talk, come over." It seemed unreal at first but soon I realized it wasn't a joke. I could feel the excitement and happiness in his voice as he told me the good news. It was Amazing! I felt a rush of intense emotions ranging from shock to joy. He requested I think about quitting my job to really pursue our dreams of running our own companies. He could make it happen. It wasn't hard to make a decision. Next, I had to face my fears of the unknown and overcome them immediately. I knew this was a situation where I was given a rare opportunity.
I didn't know what the future would hold but I did know I had faith. I had faith in my business partner, I had faith in my entrepreneur skills and I had faith in our dreams. I asked him to become CEO of my company HBM and he asked me to be the Spokeswoman for his company RX Canna Care.
We were officially ready for the challenge that the Universe gave us. I felt like a lioness who was let out the cage she was being held in. I was now on the hunt for success and it was fuck*n game time.
We started off big. We didn't want to play like amateurs we took strategic risks and we went all in. We sponsored the biggest cannabis, wellness and cosmetics events in the country. We were premier sponsors of High Times Cannabis Cup, Hemp Con music festivals, and the (IECSC) International Esthetics, Cosmetics, and Spa Conference. We traveled and educated the public on the health benefits of CBD oil. The stigma of the lazy, unlawful stoner was slowly disappearing. I saw Twompson at the worlds largest conferences educating spa owners, estheticians, cosmetologists, massage therapists, medical estheticians, and doctors. He would explain to them "One of the most important things about CBD, especially for people who are new to marijuana, is that they don't need to get high to benefit from cannabis".
At IECSC in Las Vegas, I met Meghan Koziel who survived breast cancer. She used our CBD products throughout her 16 rounds of chemotherapy. She informed us she didn't receive burns where our lotion was applied. She is a real-life advocate on how effectively the CBD products helped with her recovery. That was the first time I met her in person and she looked completely different from the photos I saw of her two years before while in chemo. I looked at her bright blue eyes gleaming and she looked so beautiful and full of life. Her hair that had fallen out had grown back shiny and full. I remember when the customers left she explained to us how passionate she really was because CBD saved her. I felt inspired by her. We hugged and at that moment I realized this is something so very special. This wasn't really about the money or the hunt for success, this was truly about changing lives!
One sunny afternoon I went to visit my Nana Jenny, my sweet grandmother. She helped raise me when I was little and I highly respect her. I noticed right away she had her right ankle up on her sofa. She had a bruise that looked painful. "I tripped and fell and I hurt my ankle". She gave a mini laugh. I immediately grabbed the RX Canna Care pain rub and coffee scrub out my purse. I rubbed it on her and let it soak in and she watched me curiously intrigued. She asked me "Oh what is this? It smells really good? What's in it?" Something inside my heart said: Time to come out the closet. I mean if my Nana Jenny approved then my whole family most likely would and this was the perfect timing! I would rather have her hear it from me so I told her "It's our organic CBD infused coffee scrub. We extract the CBD directly out the THC so you get all the good benefits of cannabis." She asked, "Will this make me feel high?" I said "No Nana... It's legal because there's no THC in it, you won't get high". She looked at the scrub as if she found a box of hidden treasure and rubbed even more on her leg. In the most loving voice, she said: "Thank you". She asked if this was the reason I was traveling so much. I explained to her it's important to me because we are helping people. I shared with her some of my stories of our adventures. At the end of our visit, she said: "I believe in the medical benefits of marijuana". I shook my head in agreement as I smiled with relief.
A few months later I called up my grandma. "Hey Nana, save the date. I would like you to be my special guest at an award ceremony. I'm getting recognized as a California Hero by State Senate for my charity work and you need to go with me!" She replied, "Should I wear a dress or suit?"
I requested a dress for our photo together. When the day came to receive my award I was surprised to see she was wearing heels. I looked at her ankle and it was healed. She noticed I was checking out her leg and she asked me if I could give her more coffee scrub. I said, "Yes Nana, I'll make sure you get more". Then I heard my name and she tapped my shoulder. I walked up and shook the Senators hand to accept my award. I felt so strong, beautiful and grateful that I ended the year as a California Hero. I thought about everything that happened, all the people I help and felt like I could accomplish anything. I kept the faith and it was a big success, heck yeah I did it!
As of January 2018, marijuana has become legal in California for not only medical use but also recreational use. For female entrepreneurs, the cannabis industry and market is a huge opportunity. However, you must be very smart. This industry isn't for the weak-hearted and you must be on top of your game. I advise doing research to ensure you are in compliance with the laws and regulations. A reliable resource I highly recommend is DCN.
Today I no longer feel as if I am living a double life after coming out the closet. Many others have reached out to me. I received a message from Weed For Warriors Project. They asked if I could support and meet their military veterans in San Diego to share medical marijuana and CBD oil options with them. I'm honored to be asked to meet with our veterans. I feel sharing the healthy benefits of cannabis is a responsibility and I intend to continue to educate others. Especially for anyone suffering from PTSD, anxiety, depression, pain or health issues. I want them to know they have options and cannabis can really be used to heal our communities, country, and world.
We are living in a time when women are rising to new heights which means they are regularly being confronted with the fear of being "too much". For women in business this is pervasive and costly.
A few ways women can be perceived as "too much" are:
Speaking up about their successes and achievements.
Sharing one too many photos of their cute kids.
Telling one too many people about that date night.
Looking a little too good in that swimsuit.
These can lead to being publicly attacked on social media or privately slandered which in turn leads to women dimming their light and walking on egg shells in hopes of avoiding conflict and judgement.
The minute a woman feels it's unsafe to shine she will begin to overthink, worry, and fear how she shows up in the world.
Forgetting to announce the book is done and the interview is live.
Choosing to focus on what's still on the to-do list rather than what's been checked off.
Many female entrepreneurs are subconsciously altering their behavior in an attempt to not attract too much attention to themselves, rather than focusing on allowing authenticity and magnetism to attract their ideal clients and community.
Women are afraid of being criticized, ostracized, and abandoned by other women for simply being who they are. This leads to quite the quantum when being who you are is simplest way to accelerate the growth of your business.
New research shows men are far more comfortable with self promotion than women are. Researchers found that men rate their own performance 33 percent higher than equally performing women. What we know is that self promotion pays off and this is where women are missing the boat.
The world needs more women to step into leadership roles and no longer be intimidated about creating six and seven figure careers.
Here are five ways to release the fear of being "too much":
1. Approve of yourself.
While it feels good to receive outside validation it will never be enough if you don't first appreciate yourself. The key to having a healthy support system is to make sure you are part of it. Being your biggest critic is what your mother's generation did. It's now time to be your biggest cheerleader. Becoming aware of self talk will reveal what belief is ready to be re-wired. Create a simply mantra that affirms how incredible capable you are.
2. Connect deeply to those you serve.
One powerful way to shift out of people pleasing behavior is to get clear on who actually matters to the wellbeing and success of your life and business. Leadership is not about being the most popular, instead it's a decision to be brave for those who can't be. Take a few minutes each day to visualize and meditate on those your business serves and supports. See your future clients moving toward you every time you choose to stand in your power and use your authentic voice.
3. Remember the legacy you wish to leave.
Having your life purpose and legacy in writing is one of the most transformational exercises you can do. Reading this often will keep you focused on what matters. Knowing what you wish to leave in the hearts of those you love most is incredibly grounding. You didn't come here to keep your mouth shut, dilute your truth, or dim your light-you came here to make a difference.
4. Forgive those who have been unsupportive in the past.
The past has a way of informing the future in a negative way when there is unresolved pain. Take a few minutes to get quiet and ask yourself who you have unforgiveness towards or maybe their name came to mind as you read this article. Listening to a forgiveness meditation or writing a letter to the person you are ready to forgive are both simple and effective ways to process and heal.
5. Be part a community of bright, successful women.
Meaningful relationships with others who have similar aspirations is what will keep you out of isolation and playing small. These connections can happen in a networking group, online community or a local Meetup. Thriving in every area of life is depend on you knowing where you belong and being celebrated there. Don't wait to be invited, go actively seek out people and places that support your dreams and desires.
6. Accept you can have it all.
Women have been fed a lie for generations that says, you can have love or money. Decide you can have it all and allow it to flow to you. You can have a successful career and an amazing mother. You can balance motherhood and loving marriage. Don't let anyone write the rules for you. This is the time to create the life you desire on your terms.
7. Celebrate everything!
The fastest way to leave the haters in the dust is to celebrate everything! At the end of each day lay in bed and recall the best moments. At the end of each week, publicly acknowledge and celebrate what's good in your life. Once a month, have a celebration dinner and share it with those who have helped you in the journey. If there's something good happening, talk about it with everyone who will listen!
May you be a woman who chooses to shine so that others may be reminded of all they can be and do.