6min readBusiness 13 August 2019
While most people think of tech startups as chaotic, and risky getting mine off the ground felt leisurely compared to Broadway!
In January of 2016, I was scheduling photo shoots for Liev Schreiber and Janet McTeer, the stars of my latest Broadway production, Les Liaisons Dangereuses, which was set to open in October.
(Fun fact: The day this provocative photo was shot was the first time Liev and Janet ever met!). My days were a whirlwind of cast auditions, costume and set design, budgeting, show press, and ticket pricing. The show was a success—but it was also my last as lead producer. Because by the time Les Liaisons wrapped in January of 2017, I had already launched my new tech startup company, What Should We Do, personalized recommendations and culture covering online and app-based service in NYC (and we've since expanded to L.A. and Chicago!).
The worlds of theater production and tech startup might seem galaxies apart, but the truth is I couldn't have had better preparation for my new venture than putting on plays and musicals. Each one of the 26 shows I've produced in my career was a startup! Beginning with just an idea—sometimes in the form of a manuscript and sometimes not even that much—my team and I would bring it to life by finding a space, hiring the cast and crew, and getting the word out to potential audiences. Every production presented new challenges that had to be solved quickly.
So while most people think of tech startups as chaotic, risky, and distressingly fast-paced, getting WSWD off the ground felt leisurely compared to Broadway!
That's not to say it has been easy, of course. Having never worked in tech or publishing, I had a lot to learn. To bring my idea to life, I kept these four lessons in mind every day.
Believe in your vision. I was really worried about being taken seriously. I didn't know the difference between an API and a CMS, and yet here I was wanting to build both of them. But I knew I had a good idea for WSWD. One of my lifelong missions has been to make arts and culture accessible to all (which is why I'm the chair of the Board of Trustees at the Public Theater; their motto is "Theater of, by, and for all people"). There is so much incredible art in New York City—art that goes way beyond expensive theater tickets or old-master painting exhibitions—but not everyone knows how or where to experience it. As someone who has lived in and loved NYC my whole life, I really wanted to help people find and enjoy all the cultural wonders of the city, no matter how much money they had. That's what we do at WSWD: Connect locals and visitors to incredible art, performances, food, and experiences at every price level.
Whenever I felt insecure about my qualifications or my lack of understanding about the specifics, I would remind myself of my vision. You can figure anything out when you love and believe in your idea. And, yes, I now know what an application programming service and a content management system are, thank you very much.
Build a great team. The first thing I would do as theater producer on a new show was hire a director. Together with her, we'd assemble the rest of the team: stage managers; a technical director; designers; a choreographer; PR people; and many others. I never pretended to know how to light a stage, but I knew the importance of hiring an experienced lighting designer. So when I decided to move forward with WSWD, I knew I couldn't do it without a great team on my side. That's the thing about trying something new: You don't have to know how to do everything; you just have to know when to accept help. I hired a fantastic team of web and app developers, editors, business development experts. I reached out to my network of artists, curators, critics, and tastemakers to create WSWD's team of local experts who could keep us up-to-date on the best performances, restaurants, and events in the city.
Then, trust the team you've built. It's one thing to build a team, though, and another to trust them enough to change the course of your business. No one should try to alter your vision, but sometimes the path to get there is different than you expected. In WSWD's early days, for example, I was reluctant to have a heavy emphasis on traditional theater because I was ready to be done with that world. I wanted to highlight quirky, avant-garde, and immersive performances and adventurous places to eat before and after. We do offer that—immersive theater is one of the most popular categories on our site and app—but my editors convinced me not to shy away from my experience and expertise on Broadway. Today, theater companies are some of our best partners and users can trust us to point them in the direction of truly great shows.
Always be making connections. I've talked and written many times before about my goal of meeting at least one new person every day, something I've done since I was just starting out in the theater scene over 25 years ago. And I don't just mean, "Hi, nice to meet you." I make it a point to sit down and chat with people, whether it's my barista, a fellow entrepreneur, a performer, a writer, my kids' friends…anyone! Everyone has a story to tell and everyone has a fresh perspective; these casual and often impromptu "meetings" have always been mutually beneficial.
Also, you never know when a connection will be made. When I would tell people about my new business, they would say, "Oh, you should meet my sister! She's an app developer!" or "I know a food writer who would be great for WSWD!" You may not become best friends or professional partners with all of the people you meet, but creating a large and diverse network of connections is indispensable to any business.
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6 Min Read
Self-care is not selfish.
What do you believe you deserve? That's a pretty loaded question, isn't it? In more than twenty years working as a women's life coach, I've asked it thousands of times, and I've received countless answers. The majority of responses I've received have been disheartening, and they've revealed a startling truth. Women - even very successful, accomplished women - doubt their deservingness.
Deservingness is not to be confused with entitlement. Entitlement is about believing you have a right to something. Deservingness is about how much you believe you're worth.
When you doubt your deservingness, what you're really uncertain about is whether or not you measure up. Are you good enough? (YES.) You've made some pretty big mistakes. Do those bad blunders make you a bad person? (NO.) Are you a good enough person to deserve good things? (YES. YOU ARE.)
Many women carry around a secret shame that impacts their feelings of self-worth and deservingness.
Our stories are individual, but our core experiences are very much the same.
At some point in your life, someone told you there was something wrong with you. This is inevitable, of course, because there's something wrong with all of us, but it gets to dangerous and disempowering territory through repetition.
If even one person in your life tells you over and over again that there's something wrong with you, well, you can start to believe them. Being rejected or criticized hurts, and it has a cumulative effect. Imagine every criticism you've ever received is a tiny little pin that landed right in your heart. (Seriously bad visual, right? Wouldn't your heart look like a pincushion if that was the case?) Beyond hurting like hell, a heart full of pins holds you back and makes you play small. YOU ARE NOT SMALL. I want you to stop acting like you are.
In life, you always create the results you believe you deserve. If you don't believe you deserve good things, you won't let yourself have them.
You'll sabotage, procrastinate, and excuse the good right out of your life if you don't believe you deserve it. Happily, you can raise your sense of deservingness, and deepen your feelings of personal worth. I'm going to show you how today. It's time to start believing in you again.
Step 1 – Take good care of yourself.
On the face of it, you'd think this advice would be obvious and unimpeachable. Of course you have to take care of yourself. The problem with this truth is that there are whole communities of people who will try to convince you that prioritizing your needs makes you a selfish person. (And who wants to be seen as selfish?)
I've never encountered a woman who hadn't heard some version of this self-care-is-selfish-nonsense. The thing is, these messages are about control, and they come from people who are happy to keep you down and disempowered. (Which makes it easier for them to manipulate you.) Do not fall for this line of hooey.
Self-care is not selfish. Self-neglect is selfish.
Self-neglect tells you that you don't matter. It asks you to stuff your wants and repress your emotions. When you chronically neglect yourself, eventually, you turn into a repressed, angry, self-doubting zombie (or banshee depending on your anger level). Nothing about self-neglect is attractive. I want you to stop doing it. TODAY.
We need you in top form. There is purpose in your life. To make good on it, you need to connect with your SELF. The most fundamental way to begin that process is to take care of your physical body. When I'm working with a client, we practice four physical care basics. (I practice these guys too. Religiously.)
- SLEEP: You need seven to eight hours of sleep. Every night. No exceptions.
- HYDRATE: You need proper daily hydration. Water is energy.
- NOURISH: You need to eat food that nourishes. Not just food that fills your stomach.
- RELEASE YOUR STRESS: You need some way to unload your tension. Think working out, meditation, journaling, gardening, prayer, sitting in nature, cooking, or hot scented bathing. Let. It. Go. Girl. ☺
Notice I said, "you need." These are non-negotiable requirements. If you're tempted to argue against your ability to practice them, please pause. I've heard every excuse known to woman. And I don't buy a single one of them. We're in a no-excuses zone now. You don't get to argue against yourself and also be empowered. It doesn't work that way. You have to choose.
If you haven't taken care of yourself in a long time, this topic can feel totally overwhelming. I understand, and I want you to do it anyway. Remember, I'm your coach. A loving boot-in-the-butt will sometimes be required in our relationship. Consider this my velvet tipped toe, making contact with that booty of yours.
Take a deep breath and start tackling your care basics. You DO have time. You are NOT selfish, and there's no wrong way to do this except not to do it at all. Practice makes powerful. SO PRACTICE!
Okay, time to up the ante a little bit. This next step is harder.
Step 2 – Be someone you can count on.
You can't think your way into believing in your own worth, but you can act your way there. As it turns out, keeping the commitments you make to yourself increases your feelings of worth and deservingness, and strengthens your confidence too.
Think about it. You make countless commitments every day. The trouble bis that most of them are for other people. When you don't have a strong sense of your own worth, you agree to most incoming requests. Which means you're probably way overcommitted.
When your calendar is crowded, and something's got to give, you're the one who usually goes. Because it's easiest to break commitments to you, right?
Every time you break a commitment to yourself, what you're really doing is showing yourself, through your own inaction, that you don't matter. NO! Bailing on yourself is like giving your hopes and dreams a big middle finger. (Please stop doing it.)
It's time to start following through FOR YOU. Don't panic. I'm not suggesting you stop doing things for other people. As a woman, you're a natural-born nurturer. Of course, you're going to do it for other people. I just want you to add yourself to the list of people-you-do-for.
The best way to get a handle on showing up for yourself is to start paying attention to what's going on when you don't. What causes you to cross yourself off your own list? When you bring your triggers into your awareness, you'll notice a pattern, which will give you the power to make changes.
Take things one choice at a time. Whenever possible, choose to follow through for you. Every time you do, you remove one of those tiny little heart pins and strengthen your sense of worth and deservingness.
Now for the hardest part…
Step 3 – Stand up for yourself.
When you don't believe in your own deservingness, you become an earner. Meaning, you spend your time and energy earning love. This can show up in a lot of different ways. We'll talk about three of them here.
- You could be a PLEASER. You say yes when you mean no. You do a ton of favors. You're secretly annoyed the entire time you're doing them, but you keep doing them anyway.
- You might be a PERFORMER. You're the life of the party and an overachiever. You use material items and accolades like money, degrees, titles, and awards to prove your worth. (I used to be this girl.)
- It's possible you're a DOORMAT. This pattern is most damaging because it means you're allowing other people to treat you poorly. On the extreme end of the spectrum, this could look like allowing people to demean, degrade, or disrespect you. Even on the lesser end of things, it means you allow people to get away with passive-aggressive comments, or take advantage of you. On any end of the spectrum, doormat behavior is toxic.
It gets worse. When you live as an earner, you attract users. (That's just as bad as it sounds.) There are unfortunately people in the world that will live at your expense without giving it a second thought. If you're willing to give it, they'll take it, and even talk themselves into believing they deserve what they're taking. These kind of people like to keep you small, scared, and doubting your deservingness. (Then you do whatever they want. Whenever they want you to.)
YOU MUST STAND UP FOR YOURSELF.
Start by catching yourself in the act of playing the earner. What and who triggers the earner response in you? What are you afraid of? What are you trying to prove? If you feel drained or bad about yourself after you're with a specific person or in a certain place, you need to think twice about being with that person or in that place.
I know this is easier said than done. It's possible the people who make you feel bad are co-workers or family members. It's not like you can just stop seeing them, right? If you find yourself in this position, there is only one path. You need to speak up for yourself. Stat.
For help, you can check out three of my other blogs. They'll show you how to stop living like a pleaser, set some boundaries, and say no like you mean it. Will you be uncomfortable? Yep. You will. Can you handle it? Yes. You can. Be willing to be uncomfortable. Speak up. Stand up. Stop accepting less than you deserve.
Every time you speak up for yourself, you remove another pin from your heart, raise your sense of deservingness and you deepen your own sense of worth. You also show other women what it looks like to know your worth and live like you know it. Which encourages them to do it too. (THAT is female power.)
You are good, and you deserve good things. You deserve acceptance, belonging, and love. There's no mistake in you, my sister. YOU ARE GOOD ENOUGH. Just as you are.
My mission is your empowerment. That's why I'm here. If you haven't already joined my community, please do it by entering your email (www.kimberlyfulcher.com). Until we meet again, know that life is happening for you.
You've Got This!
KimOriginally published at www.kimberlyfulcher.com