#SWAAYthenarrative

Help! I’m Falling For My Boss!!

5 Min Read
Self

Ubah headshot with text.

Email armchairpsychologist@swaaymedia.com to get the advice you need!

Help! I'm Falling For My Boss

Dear Armchair Psychologist,
OK — so — about a year ago I got a new boss at work. He is one of the handsomest men I've ever met. From the first second that we met and started talking, it felt like we'd known each other forever. If we weren't enjoying the conversation so much, we probably would have guessed that within an hour we would be splurging all about our personal lives and issues in our marriages that were very similar to each other. We really enjoy each other's company and we're almost inseparable at work — lunch every day — I hang out in his office to chat — he hangs out in mine. My team has noticed that we are together all the time and gives me a jab about it every so often in good humour. Anyhow, I have fallen for this person REALLY hard.

I try not to show it at all because A) He's my boss B) he is still married (unhappily, but married for his kids sake nonetheless), C) I'm separated from my husband but still married and D) we are such close friends and I feel like showing or doing anything to jeopardize that wouldn't be worth it for all the reasons above. BUT that doesn't change the fact that I'm completely infatuated with him.

I know he likes me a lot as a friend but I'm not confident at all that he has romantic feelings there. I could be wrong, I guess, but I don't think so. Whenever we spend a lot of time together he will often go quite cold for a couple of days out of the blue which I've noticed happens consistently. I guess maybe he feels like our relationship is heading down a more complex road and he purposefully steps away from me… anyhow, I feel creepy about it but can't help how I'm feeling. I have some time away by myself to think about it now so thought it would be great to get a complete outsider to the situation to provide their thoughts.
– Distraught At Work

Dear Distraught At Work

I'm sorry to hear you're in such a pickle; this is a very complex and nuanced situation. I can imagine you must have been toiling over what direction to take and it's completely understandable given the dangerous elements involved in this issue; your profession, your reputation, and even your heart is on the line here.

I think it's important that you're aware that the advice I dispense here may not be the best, as I haven't seen, nor understood how you and your boss interact, behave at ease, or complete each other. There are many variables in this, and it's a very complex, dangerous scenario. It's easy to judge this situation as unprofessional, but simply take a look ex-President Obama who married his mentee and have lived happily ever after, and one can conclude that love can occur in the most unsuited scenarios:)

The thing that concerns me most about your case is the fact that you're experiencing trepidation about your Boss' intention — and you, yourself, "feel creepy" when he doesn't reciprocate and goes cold. My advice is A) gather more information about him before you try to move in any direction. For example, does he ever intend on leaving his wife in this unhappy marriage or is he in a permanent marriage? Is he planning on staying married for the children's sake until they go to college? The more information you can get, the better you'll be able to gauge what is realistic for your future without throwing your career, reputation, and heart into a dangerous gamble. B) Can you change the reporting relationship so that you may not affect your employment? According to this great article in Psychology Today, "It may be acceptable to have a romantic relationship with a co-worker, as long as those involved are professional about it, but it is not advisable to have a romantic relationship when there is a workplace power differential. When you're the CEO, a power differential exists with everyone else in the company. This type of relationship is a potential powder keg waiting to explode." C) Perhaps it's a good idea to explore with a qualified therapist if you have a history of engaging unattainable, unavailable men? Again, you have lots of work ahead of you that doesn't involve sweaty palms and love struck dialogue, so get to it!

- The Armchair Psychologist

Help! My Friend Is A No-show!

Dear Armchair Psychologist,
I have a friend who doesn't reply to my messages about meeting for dinner, etc. Although, last week I ran into her, it has always been awkward to be friends with her. Should I continue our friendship or discontinue it? We've been friends for a total of four years and nothing has changed. I don't feel as comfortable with her as much as with my other close friends, and I don't think I'll ever be able to reach that comfort zone in pure friendship.
– Sadsies

Dear Sadsies,

I am sorry to hear you've been neglected by your friend. You may already have the answer to your question, since you're evaluating the non-existing bond between yourself and your friend. However, I'll gladly affirm that a friendship that isn't reciprocated is not a good friendship. I have had a similar situation with a friend whom I'd grown up with but who was also consistently a very negative person, a true Debby Downer. One day, I just had enough of her criticism and vitriol. I stopped making excuses for her and dumped her. It was a great decision, and I haven't looked back. With that in mind, it could be possible that something has changed in your friend's life, but it's insignificant if she isn't responding to you. It's time to dump her and spend your energy where it's appreciated. Don't dwell on this friend. History is not enough to create a lasting bond, it only means just that –– you and your friend have history. So let her be history!

– The Armchair Psychologist

Need more armchair psychologist in your life? Check out the last installment or email armchairpsychologist@swaaymedia.com to get some advice of your own!

3 Min Read
Career

Black LGBTQ Woman Powerhouse Launches Vegan Cosmetics Line

I am a proud Black business owner carrying a line of lip colors for the woman who wants to shine. At Vatarie Cosmetics you can find cruelty-free and vegan lip care products, including clear lip gloss and liquid matte lipsticks. The line is still under development, so there are more products in the making that you'll hear more about soon!

My products are high-quality and it is my dream to take my brand into high-end storefronts across the nation and even across the globe.

About Leticia

I have worked my way into my entrepreneurial career as I did not come from money. The goal of my cosmetic line is to bring excitement to everyone who tries the line. My products are high-quality and it is my dream to take my brand into high-end storefronts across the nation and even across the globe. I believe that with added makeup and a good set of threads, anybody can confidently face the world. I am a proud and firm supporter of the Black Lives Matter (BLM) movement and a proud member and supporter of the LGBTQIA community.

There have been plenty of hardships that I have had to face throughout my entire life, the most recent being the recent death of my father who passed far too soon. I have never allowed these hardships to deter me, and won't start now. I will continue to progress and work hard to build my business, knowing that this is what my father would have wanted.

About the Vatarie Line: What It's All About

Upon launching the line, I had the mission of inspiring every human to find their inner beauty and to have fun along the way. With this in mind, my products are designed for people of all genders, races, religions, and creeds. The Vatarie line will have more to offer customers very soon as I am continually working on developing products and expanding the line. In addition to the lip colors currently offered, the line will soon include highlighters, eyeshadows, and new lip gloss additions.

I believe that no one needs makeup to validate themselves, and we are all beautiful on our own. I do believe, though, that makeup can make life a lot more fun. Now more than ever we are living in a world where there is so much sadness and darkness. Sometimes all we need to change our moods and get away from that darkness is something to help us feel better and more vibrant — this is where a pop of makeup and a well put together outfit can really make an impact.

Now more than ever we are living in a world where there is so much sadness and darkness.

I encourage everybody to embrace their inner beauty and inner style, and express themselves no matter what. My line of products is inspired by high fashion and designed to make a bold statement. The running theme across my products is empowerment at every stage and level. I create products that make my customers feel happy, and I ensure I am happy myself with my products before I release every single one. There is no place for cutting corners as I believe in producing the highest quality product.

I bring my sense of humor and quirky personality into my products and you can see this in the names of each item. Take the lip color "Blood Money," which signifies all the money, tears, sweat, and yes, blood that was put into the brand. Let me tell you, it was hard work, and it still is hard work, but at the end of the day, it fulfills me to know the type of quality I am providing. It gives me great pride to create a line of legendary products that will positively affect someone and bring them to a place of self-love and acceptance.

About the Past that Gives My Business Meaning

I have struggled over the years with mental abuse that has left me feeling as if "I wasn't enough." Added to that, being a Black woman in an industry that is predominantly dominated by other races, I had to work harder to get to where I am today.

Coming from a broken home, my family struggled with addiction, making my entire childhood a miserable nightmare. My mother abandoned us as she was being physically abused, and it was up to us the kids to do everything necessary to take care of the home and each other. We eventually ended up living with my grandmother in Miami, Florida. At a very young age, I had to endure physical and mental abuse and was locked up. At the age of 22, I lost my younger sister to gun violence and found myself raising her one-year-old son as my own.

Being a Black woman in an industry that is predominantly dominated by other races, I had to work harder to get to where I am today.

While my past was a rough one, it is what has made me the strong, independent, and vibrant woman I am today. That woman strives to be her best every day and works tirelessly to provide a line of only the best cosmetics products. I couldn't see this while I was living through those bad situations and struggling to grow up, but I can look back and see how I was made more resilient because of my hardships.

As I grieve over my father's recent passing, I become stronger. It is this added personal strength that will push me forward in everything I do and will be reflected in my work ethic and in the development of new products for my Vatarie line of cosmetics.