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Armchair Psychologist Gets An Update On "Help! My Coworkers Hate Me"

Lifestyle

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Help! My Coworkers Hate Me

Dear Armchair Psychologist,
I have struggled for many years to sustain gainful employment. I'm currently a level 1 Sommelier at an esteemed restaurant. I love to work, I'm very productive, and I am proud to say that I'm always one of the top performers. Also, I'm gregarious, kind, loving, and respectful to my coworkers but, eventually, I become the odd one out. In jobs where productivity is not measured against someone else, it tends to be less of a problem, but I frequently find myself on the receiving end of some blatant jealousy. Somehow, I think it's just human nature that if you are deemed a threat, your coworkers start putting more and more energy into getting you out of the equation. I'm embarrassed to admit this but I've been bullied out of many jobs that I was great at and loved — it's happening again at my current job. I recently learned I'm bipolar and while I'm totally fine and most people would never guess, I am learning that I really need my space. I've been in the restaurant industry for many years, I can make people laugh and smile, and I really can sell anything I believe in. I never finished my degree but if the opportunity presents itself, I am considering reinventing myself in a career that is mostly independent. So my question is, as a woman who should be planning her retirement, how do I plan to reinvent my career path?
-Lonely@TheTheTop

Dear Lonely@TheTop,

I'm sorry to hear that your coworkers are teaming up against you. It's remarkable that you're an overachiever who prides themselves on excelling while also managing such a challenging disorder as bipolar. It concerns me that you have been an outcast repeatedly at many jobs. Is it possible your bipolar disorder is affecting how you interact with others and it simply may not be apparent to you? If that's not the case, perhaps it's something else.

I agree with you — human nature is human nature; it's not something you can fight about nor justify or logic your way to. It is what it is. But if you can't leap five feet in the air, it's not gravity, it's you. No matter how much you want to justify whether or not you are right or wrong in these work situations where it feels like your coworkers are teaming up against you, it's irrelevant. It's like gravity — you just have to learn to deal with it. Therefore, the only thing you can change is you, as you can't change gravity. You have to look inside yourself and examine what you can change in order to cohabit with other humans.

I recommend you take a coworker that you like, (or your boss), out for a drink, and tell them how much you like everyone at work and explain you're having trouble connecting, then ask why? I bet you this feedback will be very useful and as a result, (instead of being bullied out of a job you enjoy and are great at), you can eventually uncork a bottle of old Mousigny with your newfound peers!

- The Armchair Psychologist

The Armchair Psycholgist Gets An Update!

The woman above wrote to me about being a threat to her coworkers and not getting along with them. I suggested the problem may lie within her inability to connect gregariously and look into discussing the matter with her boss.

Dear Armchair Psychologist,
So update about my coworkers hating me, (I never said that but that was your interpretation). I was direct and asked my coworker and boss directly what's going on. Turns out it was a big misunderstanding. My coworker is, in fact, jealous of my sales, because I double hers, but she actually likes me a lot, it just made her feel insecure in her position so she was constantly trying to prove herself in other areas. My boss was under pressure that had nothing to do with me and didn't realize that it was coming across as being hostile. We've cleared the air and it's back to chill and that this happens all the time was really just my own projection and anxiety. I was amplifying the reality. I actually asked to work somewhere else most of the week so I could give her the space to thrive and she really has. I'm great at sales but what I learned was sometimes there's so much more value in taking a step back, considering someone's feeling about their seniority and contribution. Now she's caught up to me in sales at our location, it's changed her feelings about herself and me. I don't have to be number one. I also learned if something makes me uncomfortable I'm quick to want to run because I avoid stress. It was literally one long eye-opening conversation with my boss and I'm happy to report that most of what was concerning me was easily and immediately resolved.
-Not-So-Lonely @ The Top Anymore


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3 min read
Lifestyle

Help! My Friend Is a No Show

Email armchairpsychologist@swaaymedia.com to get the advice you need!

Help! My Friend Is a No Show

Dear Armchair Psychologist,

I have a friend who doesn't reply to my messages about meeting for dinner, etc. Although, last week I ran into her at a local restaurant of mine, it has always been awkward to be friends with her. Should I continue our friendship or discontinue it? We've been friends for a total four years and nothing has changed. I don't feel as comfortable with her as my other close friends, and I don't think I'll ever be able to reach that comfort zone in pure friendship.

-Sadsies

Dear Sadsies,

I am sorry to hear you've been neglected by your friend. You may already have the answer to your question, since you're evaluating the non-existing bond between yourself and your friend. However, I'll gladly affirm to you that a friendship that isn't reciprocated is not a good friendship.



I have had a similar situation with a friend whom I'd grown up with but who was also consistently a very negative person, a true Debby Downer. One day, I just had enough of her criticism and vitriol. I stopped making excuses for her and dumped her. It was a great decision and I haven't looked back. With that in mind, it could be possible that something has changed in your friend's life, but it's insignificant if she isn't responding to you. It's time to dump her and spend your energy where it's appreciated. Don't dwell on this friend. History is not enough to create a lasting bond, it only means just that—you and your friend have history—so let her be history!



- The Armchair Psychologist

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