My husband and
I just made a pitstop in Farmville, VA to visit our old stomping grounds of
Longwood University. While they may not have a football team, and you can
stand on one end of campus and see the other end, it was an amazing school and experience
that shaped us both into who we are today. As we walked by the business school,
I was reminded of a pivotal point in my adulthood – a core memory that hurt at
the time but has served me well ever since. And it all stemmed from the word “no.”
It was my
senior year, and I had no idea what to do with my life. I was a business major
graduating during a recession, so I figured the next best step was going to
graduate school…to keep figuring out what it was that I was supposed to do
while the economy continued to tank. I went to one of my professors at the time
and asked her for a letter of recommendation that was required for my application.
I had done well in her class, had participated in a meaningful way, and was
confident she’d support me in this manner. However, her response was “No,
you’re not ready for graduate school.” While that statement alone may have been
true, it’s how she said it and the explanation that followed. What I heard was
“no, you’re not good enough, you’re not smart enough, you’re not going to make
it big in this world.” Ouch, considering I just paid you thousands of dollars
to actually get me ready for this world.
It was a major
blow. It brought me back to grade school when I came home with a less than impressive
report card and was told I’d work at McDonald’s for the rest of my life. I’ve
been told “no” plenty of times, and while this isn’t a groundbreaking article
on why being told no can be a motivator.
Here are my
tips for what to do when you’re told “no.”
Ask
why. It’s easy to be
offended and hurt when someone tells you no. Take pause, gather your composure,
and ask “why.” Listen to their rationale, and don’t shy away from gaining
better understanding. Those details will give you what you need to identify
what it is you need to improve upon so you can continue to build your case to “yes.”
Take
time to digest. Summarize
what you heard. Sit with the reasoning. Journal about it. Dissect it until you
can make sense of it and turn it into an opportunity instead of taking it as
rejection. Don’t beat yourself up – it won’t get you anywhere. Once I started to
look at the challenge as an opportunity, I was able to distance myself from the
feeling that I had been personally attacked.
Make
a plan. So now that you
know what the gaps are, it’s time to make a plan to fill them in. Step by step,
day by day, do one thing that will move you closer to “yes.” Maybe that’s watching
one YouTube video on a new skill. Signing up for one class instead of an entire
program. Or reading one Harvard Business Review article. Fear is what holds us
back. Fear of failing yet again. A plan will help you break down what may seem
like a mountain that you have to climb, to small manageable hills. A plan will
make it all feel less daunting. Line ‘em up and knock ‘em down.
Execute. Enjoy the ride. While you’re filling
one gap, you might identify a path that is the opposite from the one what you
initially sought. For me, in this instance, I was forced to go out and get a
job. That analyst job at a mediocre salary, taking notes for clients, turned
into my current role overseeing six directorates and 800 people, with the same
company who has championed me every step of the way. I would absolutely not be
where I am today without my professor telling me NO!
Find
your yes. Your “yes”
may look different and even better than the what you had originally set out to
achieve. Low and behold, I DID end up going to graduate school (just a few
years later). And since then, have turned myself into a lifelong learner,
receiving certificates from MIT and Harvard, and will continue to learn until
the day I die.
I got to my
yes, but on a path, I could have never imagined for myself. While it was
different than what I thought was best for me at the ripe (very knowledgeable)
age of 21, I’m thankful for the challenge my professor put in front of me,
whether or not she meant to. I encourage you, in the words of Beth Comstock, to
take “no” as “not yet”, take action in spite of your insecurities and get to
your “yes.” Share your no-to-yes stories with me on
LinkedIn!