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What Mother's Day Means To Me —  Even In Our "New Normal"

5 Min Read
Lifestyle

I feel as though right now is such a transitional time for so many moms. I am at home with my kids' homeschooling, cooking, cleaning, and trying to be a sexy wife. All while trying not to go crazy. I don't know about you, but I have gained so much more respect for teachers and mothers. On Mother's Day, even though I cannot go anywhere, I am going to put makeup on, get dressed up, and take some pictures with my family to celebrate.

The meaning behind Mother's Day is so amazing, and I think Mother's should be celebrated daily. I hate when moms say, "Well, I am just a mom," as if it's not a worthwhile adventure! Being a mom has been the hardest, most rewarding adventure of my life. I believe that my greatest lessons and deepest insecurities have been shown in motherhood. I think that being a mom has shown me the purest form of love, not because I love my kids unconditionally (I do), but because they love me unconditionally. My kids have shown me to love without expectation, especially when they are so little. You can hurt their feelings and they will forgive you quickly. They look up to me. They cheer for me. They love me in all my mess and in all the chaos, sometimes I think they love me more than I love me.

On Mother's Day, even though I cannot go anywhere, I am going to put makeup on, get dressed up, and take some pictures with my family to celebrate.

Even so, I have found a lot of mixed emotions around Mother's Day. Mother's Day can be happy for some because they get to spend it with their children and family. On the other hand, it can be extremely hard for mothers who have lost a child or had a miscarriage. My heart also goes out to the moms who don't get to be with their children — those with strained relationships with their mother or mother-in-law, with moms in prison, in the hospital, in the military, or who have passed on. Mother's Day may be a special day for me, but it is also an extremely difficult one for so many others.

I think even men, specifically husbands and significant others have it difficult! I know, don't roll your eyes just yet. They are expected to buy their wife something from the kids and then make sure they get something for their own mother, all while trying to balance who they spend the day with. Do I try to get dinner with my mom before Mother's Day? Do I send her flowers? While most of the time our partners forget to take the garbage out or pick up something from the store.

They love me in all my mess and in all the chaos, sometimes I think they love me more than I love me.

Seriously, maybe it is just me, but I want to feel special on Mother's day and be thought of! But when kids are young they can't go buy you a gift, and if your husband doesn't take the time, he (insert eye roll) forgets. Or, if you are divorced or separated, then what? Even if they remember, what should they get? Fresh flowers? A necklace? I'll be honest, I can be challenging to buy for. Half the time my husband picks something out for me and it's not exactly what I wanted anyway. Then he feels bad and unappreciated as if it was a waste of his time to try.

Then there are women like me. I know that my husband is most likely going to forget, so I buy his mom something, my mom something, and myself something. I think that there are so many things to think about that we miss. I am a mom, I have a mom, and my husband has a mom. I also have a blended family and want to make sure that my kids recognize all their grandmas. You put all that together and it can be difficult to manage. I am by nature a people pleaser, so it's hard for me to demand that I get all the attention. I want to celebrate all the moms in my life, but I have spent years on mother's day exhausted going from one place to the next with the hopes of getting home in time to maybe celebrate me. It's a challenge for me to balance it all in one day — even on a day, that's supposed to be about celebrating me.

Self-care is different for every woman I know, even in this new normal we are all living in. Some women lock themselves in a closet just to get away because they need some quiet time. I know some moms who like to relax and take a bath with a glass of wine, while others just want to take a nap. I do not believe there is a one size fits all. Self-care for me is coloring my grays, putting on a face mask, and taking a bath.

It's a challenge for me to balance it all in one day — even on a day, that's supposed to be about celebrating me.

Some would say that "self-care" is selfish, but I believe that I cannot fully show up without taking care of myself, physically, emotionally, and spiritually first. I can't pour from an empty cup. Be sure to take time for yourself and your heart. What makes you feel celebrated? How do you feel loved the most? Do those things. Here are a few ideas of my own to get you started.

Self-care Tips For Mother's Day

  • Take a bath
  • Paint your nails
  • Walk around the block alone
  • Put some headphones on and listen to your favorite song
  • Ask your kids to tell you things that they love about you
  • Plant a garden
  • Buy yourself flowers
  • Buy some new shoes
  • Do a 10-minute work out video
  • Make a new habit body ritual — dry brushing, happiness oil, and lotion.

I am a mom every day. Some days are the best days of my life; other days are miserable, challenging, and absolutely exhausting. Sometimes I feel like I am messing everything up — including my kids. (It scares me when I think of all the therapy they are going to need.) But at the end of the day, I believe with all my heart that every mom is the perfect mom for her kids, though it is not an adventure to be taken lightly. You were chosen to be a mom. Celebrate that every day, especially on Mother's Day.

3 min read
Lifestyle

Help! My Friend Is a No Show

Email armchairpsychologist@swaaymedia.com to get the advice you need!

Help! My Friend Is a No Show

Dear Armchair Psychologist,

I have a friend who doesn't reply to my messages about meeting for dinner, etc. Although, last week I ran into her at a local restaurant of mine, it has always been awkward to be friends with her. Should I continue our friendship or discontinue it? We've been friends for a total four years and nothing has changed. I don't feel as comfortable with her as my other close friends, and I don't think I'll ever be able to reach that comfort zone in pure friendship.

-Sadsies

Dear Sadsies,

I am sorry to hear you've been neglected by your friend. You may already have the answer to your question, since you're evaluating the non-existing bond between yourself and your friend. However, I'll gladly affirm to you that a friendship that isn't reciprocated is not a good friendship.



I have had a similar situation with a friend whom I'd grown up with but who was also consistently a very negative person, a true Debby Downer. One day, I just had enough of her criticism and vitriol. I stopped making excuses for her and dumped her. It was a great decision and I haven't looked back. With that in mind, it could be possible that something has changed in your friend's life, but it's insignificant if she isn't responding to you. It's time to dump her and spend your energy where it's appreciated. Don't dwell on this friend. History is not enough to create a lasting bond, it only means just that—you and your friend have history—so let her be history!



- The Armchair Psychologist

Need more armchair psychologist in your life? Check out the last installment or emailarmchairpsychologist@swaaymedia.com to get some advice of your own!