#SWAAYthenarrative

How To Make The Most Of Your Mentee/Mentor Relationship

6 Min Read
Business

In the summer of 2018, I worked as a Summer Associate at Twomentor. I learned a lot about different kinds of business consulting companies through their mentorship initiatives. But it wasn't the kind of mentorship I was used to experiencing personally. My peers at that time were just coming out of college and working in big corporate companies with little to no guidance. But I was different. I never had the goal or aspiration of working in a big company. Of course, I tried, however I still believe it is not my path. I never considered those that really do want to work for a major Fortune 500 company are forced to climb the career ladder completely alone, especially women.

During my summer at Twomentor, I learned from the mentoring trailblazer herself, Julie Kantor. Julie is an advocate for elevating women, an educator for corporate companies, and she is also one of the most inspiring women I know. With her impressive workshops as well as throughout our own mentor/mentee relationship, Julie has taught me the value mentorship has for someone's career and life. Together, we brainstormed key aspects that made our relationship work as well as the best strategies for bringing out the best in your mentor/mentee relationship.

I never considered those that really do want to work for a major Fortune 500 company are forced to climb the career ladder completely alone, especially women.

Now, I see that I can step into the role of mentor myself.

In discussing the mentor side of this equation, we need to realize that nobody's perfect. Yes, not even the mentors that we look up to can claim perfection. Some of us are unorganized, lack communication, or simply get caught in the chaos of a difficult work schedule and forget we have someone looking up to us as role models. However, there is always room to improve as a mentor while bringing out the best in your mentee. According to Deloitte, Millennials who plan on staying with their current employer for more than five years are twice as likely to have a mentor (68%) than not (32%). Furthermore, according to a 2014 survey by The UPS Store, 70% of small businesses that receive mentoring survive more than five years — double the survival rate of non-mentored businesses.

In discussing the mentor side of this equation, we need to realize that nobody's perfect. Yes, not even the mentors that we look up to can claim perfection.

Though there is an undeniably strong case in support of mentoring, these relationships can get derailed without the proper care and consideration.

1. Honesty and open communication

It is important in any mentor/mentee relationship to build a solid foundation early for giving and receiving mutual feedback. Being transparent builds trust and allows more space for open communication. Make sure as a mentor, you listen closely to your mentee and get to know them both as a person and a professional. You are in a position to help your mentee build on their strengths while giving constructive feedback in areas where there's room for improvement. I had a concerned mentor ask me often "Are you taking care of yourself," as part of his dedication to self-care in the workforce. His feedback was well received. If you go overboard with critical feedback, the relationship will most likely deteriorate, so make sure there's a give and take. Good communication is crucial for a long-lasting mentor/mentee relationship.

2. Goal setting and task-focus

Part of being a mentor is helping your mentee on the journey toward achieving their own goals. A lot of mentor-mentee relationships fail because there are no clarified objectives as the basis of the working relationship. It is important to go over the mentee's goals on the first or second meeting and recognize milestones monthly or bi-monthly. New goals may emerge or old goals may change, but a mentor will always be there for support and guidance. Julie believes that, "we really recommend that mentors stay away from the words 'you should.' Your role is to help your mentee find their path and share lessons and learning from your experience, knowledge, and skills." A mentor's job is to support their mentees' vision and ongoing success while encouraging them to keep the momentum moving forward.

3. Mutual respect

Your mentor or mentee might disappoint you personally or professionally. This can be very hard on the relationship emotionally. Mentors and mentees must have mutual respect for one another though they might have different values and beliefs. Although a mentor usually has more experience than the mentee, the ability to respect their mentee for their strengths and everything else they have to bring to the table is vital. When a mentor believes in their mentee, it gives them courage and confidence. Likewise, when the mentee has respect for their mentor — their experience, skills, ability to guide — the mentor is more willing to help. The mentor may have an abundance of knowledge to offer their mentee, but each individual will grow together through the relationship. However, if you feel (on either side) that your mentee/mentor is unethical, we suggest you move on and not align yourself with them further. Some matches just aren't meant to be.

4. Carve out time for each other

Along with having mutual respect, a mentor and mentee must allocate enough time for one another. Canceling and rescheduling too many meetings can really weaken the potential bong of the relationship. This goes back to the point of mutual respect and valuing the other person's time. Although we aren't perfect, and sometimes get lost in a sea of scheduling conflicts, the relationship between a mentor and mentee is an important priority. Carving out enough time for each other must be in the upfront plan, even if it is just for a few months of meetings.

5. Ask each other lots of questions

One of the best parts about the mentor and mentee relationship is that there is room for growth for both parties. But, to support this, trust needs to be established early. Getting to know each other is important whether it is about one another's work, family life, favorite hobbies, or their dreams. Finding commonalities can make the relationship stronger and more enjoyable for both of you. You do not want to be strangers with your mentee or mentor, you want to build a rapport that makes you excited to be on this journey together. The more comfortable you both are, the more questions you can ask each other for learning and growth. As a mentor, sharing your life experiences openly is also important for your mentee to hear so they can learn from your successes and mistakes. Your honest insights will make your mentee feel safe in opening up as well.

Lastly, the mentor/mentee relationship is a learning experience. If you follow these five recommendations, it will only serve to strengthen your bond. A bond is formed when two people are able to be their true, authentic selves around one another. So the best advice is BE YOU, flaws and all because that is how both parties will benefit and grow.


(This article has been updated since original publication, 2018)

5 Min Read
People

Judge Tanya Acker On Overcoming Racial Barriers And Her Rise To The Top


You may recognize Judge, Tanya Acker, from her political and legal commentary on different networks and shows like Good Morning America, The Talk, Wendy Williams, CNN Reports or The Insider. Acker is more than an experienced commentator. She is also a Judge on the fifth season of Emmy nominated CBS show, Hot Bench.

The show, created by Judge Judy, is a new take on the court genre. Alongside Acker, are two other judges: Patricia DiMango and Michael Corriero. Together the three-panel judges take viewers inside the courtroom and into their chambers. “I feel like my responsibility on the show is, to be honest, fair, [and] to try and give people a just and equitable result," Acker says. She is accomplished, honest and especially passionate about her career. In fact, Acker likes the fact that she is able to help people solve problems. “I think that efficient ways of solving disputes are really at the core of modern life.

“We are a very diverse community [with] different values, backgrounds [and] beliefs. It's inevitable that we're going to find ourselves in some conflicts. I enjoy being a part of a process where you can help resolve the conflicts and diffuse them," she explains.

Acker's career has been built around key moments and professional experiences in her life. Particularly, her time working right after college impacted the type of legal work she takes on now.

Shaping Her Career

Acker didn't foresee doing this kind of work on television when she was in college at either Howard University or Yale Law. “I was really open in college about what would happen next," Acker comments. “In fact, I deliberately chose a major (English) that wouldn't lock me into anything [because] I wanted to keep all of my options open." Her inevitable success on the show and throughout her career is an example of that. In fact, after graduating from Yale, Acker served as a judicial law clerk to Judge Dorothy Nelson who sits on the Ninth U.S. Circuit Court of Appeals.

It was not only her first job out of law school but also one of the formative experiences of her professional life. “[Judge Nelson is] certainly, if not my most important professional influence," Acker says. “She is really the living embodiment of justice, fairness, and believes in being faithful to the letter and the spirit of the law," she exclaims. “She delivers it all with a lot of love." Judge Nelson is still on the bench and is continuing to work through her Foundation: The Western Justice Center in Pasadena, California, where Acker serves on the board. The foundation helps people seeking alternative ways of resolving their disputes instead of going to court.

"I enjoy being a part of a process where you can help resolve the conflicts and diffuse them," she explains.

“It was important to her to try and create platforms for people to resolve conflict outside of court because court takes a long time," Acker explains. “I'm proud to be a part of that work and to sit on that board."

After her clerkship, she was awarded a Bristow Fellowship and continued building her career. Outside of the fellowship, Acker's legal work incorporated a broad variety of matters from civil litigation, constitutional cases, business counseling, and advising. One of her most memorable moments was representing a group of homeless people against the city. “They were being fought for vagrancy and our defense was, they had no place to go," she shares.

As part of her pro bono work, Acker was awarded the ACLU's First Amendment Award for her success with the case. Though, she has a hard time choosing from one of many memorable moments on Hot Bench. Acker does share a few of the things that matter to her. “Our show is really drawn from a cross-section of courtrooms across America and the chance to engage with such a diverse group of people really means a lot to me," she discusses.

How Did Acker Become A Judge?

In addition to Judge Nelson, Judge Judy is certainly among her top professional influences. “I think it's incredible [and] I feel very lucky that my professional career has been bookended by these incredible judges," she acclaims. “I've really learned a lot from Judy about this job, doing this kind of job on television." Before Acker was selected for Hot Bench, she hadn't been a judge. It was Judge Judy who recommended that she get some experience. Acker briefly comments on her first experience as a temporary judge on a volunteer basis in traffic court. “I was happy to be able to have the chance to kind of get a feel for it before we started doing the show," she comments. “Judy is a wonderful, kind, generous person [and] she's taught me quite a lot. I feel lucky."

Judge Acker in white pantsuit with her dog. Photo Courtesy of Annie Shak.

Acker's Time Away From Home

Outside of Hot Bench, Acker took recent trips to Haiti and Alabama. They were memorable and meaningful.

Haiti, in particular, was the first trip she excitedly talks about. She did some work there in an orphanage as part of LOVE Takes Root, an organization that is driven to help children around the world whether it's basic aid or education. “Haiti has a special place in my heart," she began. “As a person who's descended from enslaved people, I have a lot of honor and reverence for a country that threw off the shackles of slavery."

She was intrigued by the history of Haiti. Especially regarding the communities, corrupt government and natural disasters. “They really had to endure a lot, but I tell you this when I was there, I saw people who were more elegant, dignified, gracious and generous as any group of people I've ever met anywhere in the world," she goes on. “I think it left me with was a strong sense of how you can be graceful and elegant under fire." Acker is optimistic about the country's overall growth and success.

“[Judge Nelson is] certainly, if not my most important professional influence," Acker says. “She is really the living embodiment of justice, fairness, and believes in being faithful to the letter and the spirit of the law."

“There are certainly times when people treated me differently or made assumptions about me because I was a black woman," Acker says. “I've got it much better, but that doesn't mean it's perfect...it certainly isn't, but you just have to keep it moving."

Her other trip was different in more ways than one. She traveled there for the first time with her mother as part of a get out to vote effort, that Alabama's First black House Minority Leader, Anthony Daniels was organizing. “It was incredible to take that trip with her [and] I've got to tell you, the South of today is not the South of my mother's upbringing," she explains. Originally from Mississippi, Acker's mother hasn't been back in the South since 1952. “Every place has a ways to go, but it was a really exciting trip [and] it was nice for me to connect with that part of the country and that part of my history."

Overcoming Racial Barriers

As a black woman, Acker has certainly faced challenges based on her race and gender. But it doesn't define who she is or what she can accomplish. “There are certainly times when people treated me differently or made assumptions about me because I was a black woman," she says. “There's no sort of barrier that someone would attempt to impose upon me that they didn't attempt to impose on my mother, grandmother or great-grandmother." In a space where disparity is sometimes apparent, she recognizes that there is no barrier someone would try to impose on her that they didn't attempt to impose on her mother or grandmothers. “I've got it much better, but that doesn't mean it's perfect...it certainly isn't, but you just have to keep it moving," Acker states. The conversation continues truthfully and seriously. Acker shares what it can be like for black women, specifically. “I think we're underestimated and we can be disrespected, whereas other folks are allowed the freedom to enjoy a full range of emotions and feelings," she articulates.

At times black women are often restricted from expressing themselves. “If someone wants to make an assumption or jump to a conclusion about me because of my race or gender, that's on them, but their assumptions aren't going to define me," Acker declares. “If something makes me angry or happy I will express that and if someone wants to caricature me, that's their pigeonholing; that's not my problem." A lifelong lesson she learned and shared is to not let other people define who you are. It is one of three bits of wisdom.

Three Pieces Of Advice From Judge Acker

The Power Of Self-awareness

“It's really important that you have a really firm sense of what you want to do and be, and how you're moving in the world because when people try to sway you, judge you or steer you off course you've got to have some basis for getting back on track."

Know Your Support System

“Have a strong community of people who you trust, love and who love you," she advises. “But also learn to love and trust yourself because sometimes it's your own voice that can provide you the most comfort or solace in something."

Learn From Your Experiences

“Trust yourself. Take care of yourself. Don't be too hard on yourself. Be honest with yourself.

“There are times when it's not enough to say this is who I am. Take it or leave it. Sometimes we've got things that we need to work on, change or improve upon," she concludes.

Acker stands out not only because of her accomplishments, but the way she views certain aspects of her life. These days, she's comfortable accepting what makes her different. “I think there's a time when you're younger when conformity feels comfortable, [but] I'm comfortable these days not conforming," she laughs. She enjoys being a decision maker and helping people work through it on Hot Bench.

This article was originally published May 15, 2019.