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How My Struggle With Infertility Defined My Road To Entrepreneurship

Career

Like most girls growing up, I had an ever-changing list of what I wanted to be when I grew up. The list was chock full of the usual suspects: ballerina, actress, singer...I think magician was even a consideration around the third grade. But as nature would have it, I’d soon learn that I didn’t have much talent for singing, or dancing, or pulling a rabbit out of hat, and those occupations eventually fell from the list. There were two professions, however, that never wavered and made the top of my list each year: mom and teacher.


After graduating from college with a dual major in Elementary Education and Special Education, I began working as a teacher. I soon met my future husband and on our first date we discovered that we shared a mutual desire to become parents. We married three years later and immediately began trying to grow our family. All seemed to be going just as I had planned as a child.

In the beginning, I was surprised each month when I failed to yield a positive pregnancy test. But as the months passed, my once initial surprise grew into absolute devastation. Over the next 3 years we endured 7 failed IVF’s (3 resulting in miscarriage.) I became angry, depressed, and hopeless. I frequently found myself on the receiving end of pitying expressions from friends and family as they gently broke the news that they were expecting. I found myself reacting with overzealous enthusiasm so as not to reveal my secret pain. I would then dart to the nearest bathroom to sob. Meanwhile, my husband and I were also anxiously waiting to be matched with a child through adoption. We began experiencing conflicting information and delays from our agency. My hope of ever having a home full of children began to fade and my passion or enjoyment for just about everything faded right along with it.

After a heart-to-heart with my father and a refocusing on the unconditional love and support of my husband, I realized the pity party I had been throwing for myself wasn’t changing anything about my circumstances. In fact, it had wiped out everything else good in my life.

A Bright Signs Learning Customer

There was more to me than infertility and it was time to start living again in spite of it. I took the attention off of what I could not control, and began focusing on what I could. With that, I started investing in myself, one day at a time. I began by simply exercising again. Then, I turned my attention to my tutoring business. I took on new students and I continued to improve my sign language interpreting. I found so much joy as I developed in my professional career, and took pride in developing the skills, games and techniques necessary to teach students to read and love learning.

In August of 2010 we got the call we had been waiting for: we had been matched with a beautiful baby girl. That Fall, my husband and I flew to Ethiopia and our world changed forever. I was finally a mom. I could physically feel the fullness in my heart when I held my baby girl. I knew without any hesitation that if I was called to become a mom through adoption again, it would be my greatest honor and my blessing. As irony would have it, I would discover merely nine days later that I was pregnant (naturally) with our son, Jack.

Having waited so long to become a mom, each day with my kids was like living a dream. Using the skills I honed during that time of professional investment, I began making educational home videos that I would play for my children when I was cooking dinner or taking a rare shower. These videos included sign language, phonics, art and calming music, and my children loved them. We would also play basic educational games together. Both of my children began reading by the age of 2, which attracted the attention of friends and strangers alike. After several inquiries wondering how to buy my videos, my husband and I decided bring these videos and flashcard sets to a larger audience by creating our company Bright Signs Learning LLC. I’m proud to say that Bright Signs Learning now is a thriving and award-winning business that has brought the joy of learning to kids across the world.

Looking back at my infertility, I wouldn’t change any of it. It forever altered the way I live my life. I learned to control that which I can control and to let go of the things I can’t. I am now the mother to four beautiful children who each came to me exactly when and how they were meant to come.

Reinvesting in myself during my darkest hours resulted in the birth of my company. I am proud that my children get to see me in the role of mom AND entrepreneur. It is never lost on me that each and every day I am living out my childhood dreams of being a mom and a teacher.

Photo Courtesy of ravanelliphotography

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Politics

Do 2020 Presidential Candidates Still Have Rules to Play By?

Not too many years ago, my advice to political candidates would have been pretty simple: "Don't do or say anything stupid." But the last few elections have rendered that advice outdated.


When Barack Obama referred to his grandmother as a "typical white woman" during the 2008 campaign, for example, many people thought it would cost him the election -- and once upon a time, it probably would have. But his supporters were focused on the values and positions he professed, and they weren't going to let one unwise comment distract them. Candidate Obama didn't even get much pushback for saying, "We're five days away from fundamentally transforming the United States of America." That statement should have given even his most ardent supporters pause, but it didn't. It was in line with everything Obama had previously said, and it was what his supporters wanted to hear.

2016: What rules?

Fast forward to 2016, and Donald Trump didn't just ignore traditional norms, he almost seemed to relish violating them. Who would have ever dreamed we'd elect a man who talked openly about grabbing women by the **** and who was constantly blasting out crazy-sounding Tweets? But Trump did get elected. Why? Some people believe it was because Americans finally felt like they had permission to show their bigotry. Others think Obama had pushed things so far to the left that right-wing voters were more interested in dragging public policy back toward the middle than in what Trump was Tweeting.

Another theory is that Trump's lewd, crude, and socially unacceptable behavior was deliberately designed to make Democrats feel comfortable campaigning on policies that were far further to the left than they ever would have attempted before. Why? Because they were sure America would never elect someone who acted like Trump. If that theory is right, and Democrats took the bait, Trump's "digital policies" served him well.

And although Trump's brash style drew the most handlines, he wasn't the only one who seemed to have forgotten the, "Don't do or say anything stupid," rule. Hillary Clinton also made news when she made a "basket of deplorables" comment at a private fundraiser, but it leaked out, and it dogged her for the rest of the election cycle.

And that's where we need to start our discussion. Now that all the old rules about candidate behavior have been blown away, do presidential candidates even need digital policies?

Yes, they do. More than ever, in my opinion. Let me tell you why.

Digital policies for 2020 and beyond

While the 2016 election tossed traditional rules about political campaigns to the trash heap, that doesn't mean you can do anything you want. Even if it's just for the sake of consistency, candidates need digital policies for their own campaigns, regardless of what anybody else is doing. Here are some important things to consider.

Align your digital policies with your campaign strategy

Aside from all the accompanying bells and whistles, why do you want to be president? What ideological beliefs are driving you? If you were to become president, what would you want your legacy to be? Once you've answered those questions honestly, you can develop your campaign strategy. Only then can you develop digital policies that are in alignment with the overall purpose -- the "Why?" -- of your campaign:

  • If part of your campaign strategy, for example, is to position yourself as someone who's above the fray of the nastiness of modern politics, then one of your digital policies should be that your campaign will never post or share anything that attacks another candidate on a personal level. Attacks will be targeted only at the policy level.
  • While it's not something I would recommend, if your campaign strategy is to depict the other side as "deplorables," then one of your digital policies should be to post and share every post, meme, image, etc. that supports your claim.
  • If a central piece of your platform is that detaining would-be refugees at the border is inhumane, then your digital policies should state that you will never say, post, or share anything that contradicts that belief, even if Trump plans to relocate some of them to your own city. Complaining that such a move would put too big a strain on local resources -- even if true -- would be making an argument for the other side. Don't do it.
  • Don't be too quick to share posts or Tweets from supporters. If it's a text post, read all of it to make sure there's not something in there that would reflect negatively on you. And examine images closely to make sure there's not a small detail that someone may notice.
  • Decide what your campaign's voice and tone will be. When you send out emails asking for donations, will you address the recipient as "friend" and stress the urgency of donating so you can continue to fight for them? Or will you personalize each email and use a more low-key, collaborative approach?

Those are just a few examples. The takeaway is that your online behavior should always support your campaign strategy. While you could probably get away with posting or sharing something that seems mean or "unpresidential," posting something that contradicts who you say you are could be deadly to your campaign. Trust me on this -- if there are inconsistencies, Twitter will find them and broadcast them to the world. And you'll have to waste valuable time, resources, and public trust to explain those inconsistencies away.

Remember that the most common-sense digital policies still apply

The 2016 election didn't abolish all of the rules. Some still apply and should definitely be included in your digital policies:

  1. Claim every domain you can think of that a supporter might type into a search engine. Jeb Bush not claiming www.jebbush.com (the official campaign domain was www.jeb2016.com) was a rookie mistake, and he deserved to have his supporters redirected to Trump's site.
  2. Choose your campaign's Twitter handle wisely. It should be obvious, not clever or cutesy. In addition, consider creating accounts with possible variations of the Twitter handle you chose so that no one else can use them.
  3. Give the same care to selecting hashtags. When considering a hashtag, conduct a search to understand its current use -- it might not be what you think! When making up new hashtags, try to avoid anything that could be hijacked for a different purpose -- one that might end up embarrassing you.
  4. Make sure that anyone authorized to Tweet, post, etc., on your behalf has a copy of your digital policies and understands the reasons behind them. (People are more likely to follow a rule if they understand why it's important.)
  5. Decide what you'll do if you make an online faux pas that starts a firestorm. What's your emergency plan?
  6. Consider sending an email to supporters who sign up on your website, thanking them for their support and suggesting ways (based on digital policies) they can help your messaging efforts. If you let them know how they can best help you, most should be happy to comply. It's a small ask that could prevent you from having to publicly disavow an ardent supporter.
  7. Make sure you're compliant with all applicable regulations: campaign finance, accessibility, privacy, etc. Adopt a double opt-in policy, so that users who sign up for your newsletter or email list through your website have to confirm by clicking on a link in an email. (And make sure your email template provides an easy way for people to unsubscribe.)
  8. Few people thought 2016 would end the way it did. And there's no way to predict quite yet what forces will shape the 2020 election. Careful tracking of your messaging (likes, shares, comments, etc.) will tell you if you're on track or if public opinion has shifted yet again. If so, your messaging needs to shift with it. Ideally, one person should be responsible for monitoring reaction to the campaign's messaging and for raising a red flag if reactions aren't what was expected.

Thankfully, the world hasn't completely lost its marbles

Whatever the outcome of the election may be, candidates now face a situation where long-standing rules of behavior no longer apply. You now have to make your own rules -- your own digital policies. You can't make assumptions about what the voting public will or won't accept. You can't assume that "They'll never vote for someone who acts like that"; neither can you assume, "Oh, I can get away with that, too." So do it right from the beginning. Because in this election, I predict that sound digital policies combined with authenticity will be your best friend.