#SWAAYthenarrative

Packing Light: What Traveling Has Taught Me About Emotional Baggage

3 Min Read
Self

Since I can remember, I have always had anxiety, and travel brought it out in full force when it came to packing for a trip. Until recently, my control freak process always involved pulling out my suitcase a week in advance, building a check off list with quantities, and planning out two times the number of outfits that I actually needed on the trip. This process made me feel safe.

My anxiety and packing paranoia was coming from my emotional baggage that I wasn't dealing with.

The thought of packing the night before gave my hives and if after all of that, I arrived at my destination without something I needed, my whole world would crumble around me. Instead of letting it go and telling myself I can buy it there or that I didn't really need it, I would get angry with myself. What I didn't realize was that my anxiety about packing and preparing for a trip (whether it be for business or pleasure), was the result of something much bigger than just the fear of forgetting something.

Breaking Free Abroad

Before I dive deeper into my packing idiosyncrasy and what it really means, I want to highlight my obsession with travel and what it has taught me. Travel has always been my escape, and over the years, it has revealed my hidden inner strength, inspired my writing and taught me important life skills. After I graduated from college, I ran away and moved to Taipei, Taiwan. It was 2004, Bush was president, I wasn't ready to be a broke writer living in New York City yet and I wanted an adventure. I left the country with one suitcase and a backpack. I felt free. I didn't know the language (Mandarin), I didn't have a job (I figured it was better to apply for a teaching job upon my arrival) and I didn't have a place to live other than renting a room at a sketchy hostel.

You would think this whole situation would have made me insanely anxious, but I was actually quite calm throughout the process and it all ended up working out in the end. I got the job I wanted within about three weeks, rented a pretty cool rooftop apartment and I was quickly making friends, many of whom I still talk to today. After two years, I had become a happy expat who had created a new life for herself with almost nothing. Looking back now, I don't think I really understood the significance, but now I do. I had taught myself a lesson about packing light and EMOTIONAL BAGGAGE.

Packing And Unpacking Emotions

My anxiety and packing paranoia was coming from my emotional baggage that I wasn't dealing with. The act of "leaving my life" behind in the U.S. to live in Taiwan was liberating, but when I got home, the baggage and unresolved issues were still there. Blocking my emotions (which I am such an expert at!) manifested in various ways that created chaos in multiple parts of my life. It took me 10 years after returning home from Taiwan to realize that my anxiety was a result of being a survivor of child sexual abuse. Once the suppressed memories started to reveal themselves to me while I raised my daughter, my recurring dreams of packing and unpacking my suitcase started. My control freak nature began to make sense. I needed to release my emotions (unpack them) and feel safe to do so.

What I didn't realize was that my anxiety about packing and preparing for a trip (whether it be for business or pleasure), was the result of something much bigger than just the fear of forgetting something.

What has helped me do this? Releasing my self-judgment and being more patient with myself. Telling myself it is okay if I make a mistake or forget something. The world won't come to an end if I forget to pack my toothbrush or if I only brought two pairs of shoes for my kids instead of three. I won't lie and say it has been easy and that my anxiety is gone. Sometimes anxiety is a good thing because it helps me problem solve. Because of my therapy sessions, supportive husband, journaling and taking Artful Body founder Meg Berry's MomCore class, I have an ongoing support system. And if you are wondering, I have been practicing packing only three days before instead of seven. Baby steps!

Read more from Nubia DuVall Wilson on her Thrive Blog at nubiaduvall.com and follow her on Instagram and on Facebook @EncounterswithNubia

This article was originally published September 21, 2019.

3 min read
Career

How You Dress is Your Calling Card: Outfits To Fit Every Industry

If you needed to hire a professional to let's say cater a dinner, head your marketing department, or perhaps act as an expert for you on a legal matter. How would you expect them to dress?

I will take a guess here and say you imagine each person with a different look, vibe, and as presenting themselves in unique ways. If their style fell short of what's perceived to be acceptable within their industry, you may even underestimate their skill set. You may question their ability to be trustworthy, confident, or knowledgeable.

You've probably already heard the phrases, "Dress for the job you want, not the job you have" or Look good, feel good." But there's a lot more to appropriate styling for the workplace than just those two outlooks alone.

We, as professionals, must ask ourselves "What should I wear?" Some may reach for a suit and tie or heels and a dress, while others simply throw on jeans and a sweater. But while the latter might be an appropriate style for certain industries, it might not be for others. It is important to understand that different markets often have a distinctive (and often unspoken) unofficial dress code.

You've probably already heard the phrases, "Dress for the job you want, not the job you have" or Look good, feel good." But there's a lot more to appropriate styling for the workplace than just those two outlooks alone. Popular job-posting source Indeed outlines that, "There are varying levels of business attire ranging from "casual" to "business formal." Based on the setting, you can decide which kind of business attire is appropriate."

However, depending on your industry, we may need to get a little more specific Let's break it down so you decide what's befitting.It is important to understand that different markets often have a distinctive (and often unspoken) unofficial dress code.

Marketing & Advertising

The era of Mad Men has passed... Long gone are the days of blue suits, skinny ties, and midday-martinis. This industry has taken a more casual but still presentable approach to dress... Think more like khakis paired with a smart blazer or sweater for or, perhaps, a dark skinny jean with wedge shoes and a silk blouse pulled together with a sweater-knit jacket.

Finance & Law

Think traditional, classic dress. Your clothes should be tailored and well-fitting. These companies usually have strict dress codes, so keep your attire to colors like black, navy, and grey. Shoes should be closed-toe (for women) and a cap-toe or lace-up loafer for the men.

Public Speaking

Here you are open to a fuller range of clothing styles. However, (and this is a big one), make sure you dress for your audience and your brand. Remember, you could be presenting in front of potential clients, and if your outfit is not cohesive to your company's ideals and identity you may leave your viewers confused.

Academia

Casual smart — very comfortable, if you're working in a lab. Think professor-type, right? Bow ties and blazers for men and dress slacks, sweaters, with low-heeled shoes for women. Limit the jewelry and long nails.

Accounting

There are casual days in this industry, usually one or two days a week. Men can wear polo shirts, collared shirts, or sweaters with khakis or dress pants, and dress shoes — a tie is not necessary. For women, conservative dresses, skirts, collared shirts, sweaters, dress pants, and dress shoes or boots are acceptable. But if you work for a more conservative company like Deloitte, you may want to refer to your employee handbook, as you may be expected to dress more professionally.

Software & Technology

Dress like you don't care but don't look sloppy. The tech industry has gotten it's distinct dressing style straight out of Silicon Valley from the likes of Zuckerberg, Dorsey, and Bezos. T-shirts, vests, jeans, and sneakers are the norm. You can find many brands to outfit your day, so it's important to select pieces of clothing that are stylish, modern with a flair… items that say "I care about how I look," though you may not care about fashion.

Style is confidence, expressed through clothing.

With all of this being said, keep in mind that you need to be cognizant of the environment. If you're unsure how to dress ask your human resources department for what is generally considered appropriate.

One last point: dress authentically. You should wear clothes that make you feel confident, clothes that represent who you are intrinsically and professionally. Power up your sleeves, take control of your future, and move forward.

Style is confidence, expressed through clothing.