As someone who once tried to change her Facebook marital status to “in a relationship with NYC," I've witnessed firsthand how a city can seduce one into blind patronage. Fast forward six adulterous years later, and surprise (even to me), I now find myself living in Los Angeles.
The pleasure— or misfortune— of living in either LA or New York as a modern day woman is the topic of many friendly debates, articles, Yelp reviews, and hearsay bar conversations. More often than not, it's a materialistic battle: tacos vs pizza, Hollywood vs Wall Street, athleisure vs suits... the list goes on and on.
And while the aforementioned criteria do have their place in determining which city ranks superior, the comparison deserves to be much deeper than the superfluous availability of avocado, or the water quality in bagels...
Alas, it seems the simple Buzzfeed question, “Which metropolis is the bestropolis?" is about as easy to answer as the age-old “Pepsi vs Coke" dilemma. It's subjective, a matter of personal taste, and we all secretly know what really tastes better anyways... Kombucha.
Damnit, you can tell I live in LA.
In an effort to spare you my bias (possibly sprinkled subconsciously throughout) I asked 15 badass #WomenWhoSwaay— Angelenas, New Yorkers, transplants, bi-coasters and inbetweeners— to compare the “City that Never Sleeps" with the “City of Dreams," colored by their personal experiences.
Of the hilarious insights shared, ten common categories emerged: the weather, people, vibe, dating, opportunities, lifestyle, transportation, social life, mannerisms and culture.
And with that in mind, I now present to you: a tale of two cities.
1. Siri, what's the weather like today?
“Living in New York for a brief time, I remember waking up every morning to a world of grey… walking to class in the rain and the wind, with 0% chance of having a good hair day. But the sun shines here in LA… A LOT… sometimes too much… but I prefer this." - Rachel S., Digital Media
“Everyone in LA is smug about the great weather and beautiful vistas, but spends all of their time and money bicycling in-place, indoors." - Liz P., Marketing Manager
2. People Be Like
“In New York, a homeless person will spit in your face. In LA, your best friend will spit in your cocktail while you're not looking." - Michelle C., Publicist
“In New York, the people are fun but SOOOO serious – it's like everyone is in such a hurry to go nowhere, it looks like they need a good cry… and they're all in suits. But in LA, the people are legitimately insane, which may be from too much sun or maybe too many dreams. It's cute, but it's crazy." - Rachel S., Digital Media
“LA people take the time to enjoy life. NY people would never survive without 5 Hour Energy." - Vanessa H., Finance
3. Do you get my vibe?
“L.A. is very much 'fuck yeah' and bright colors...NYC is all 'fuck this, fuck that, fuck you, fuck the horse you rode in on' and cigarette smoke grey." - Cydney T., 26 Investment Services
“NYC is all about intellect; it's sexy to be a brooding artist, surviving on coffee without time to eat. Dark bags under your eyes paired with high-end clothes is considered chic. In Los Angeles, you can just invert that. It's all about, OMG I got 10 hours of sleep #blessed, smooth skin, work-life balance.' No one cares if you're smart." - Taylor P., Marketing Innovation
4. Dating: Swipe East, Swipe West
“The rating system in NY is inflated. If I'm a 6 in NYC, I'm a 4 in LA…" - Wally B., Comedian
“The dating grass is not always greener. New York has douchey Wall Streeters... we have unemployed Mactors (model/actors)." - Megan W., Publicist
“In NY, a long distance relationship is with someone outside of the tri-state area. In LA, a long distance relationship is with anyone on the other side of the 405." - Liz P., Marketing Manager
“It seems like NY is more of a relationship town, and LA is more shallow. It's always, 'Is there someone younger and prettier behind me the dude can get with?'" - Steph R., Writer
5. “This Opportunity Comes Once In a Lifetime" -Eminem, 8 Mile
“LA doesn't give you everything you need or want up front. She's guarded, fickle and tough. Yet, if you remain patient and open she will provide you with more adventure and opportunity than you could have ever imagined." - Atlee F., Singer/Songwriter
“In LA, industry people are nice and inviting... because they know that people can surprise you, and anyone can potentially be that person who opens a door for you. New Yorkers just don't have time to sift through that many humans." - Alexa K., Program Manager
6. Everyday I'm Hustlin'
“Surviving and thriving spiritually in LA requires constant and active meditation." - Atlee F., Singer/Songwriter
“In New York, it's easier to get around but harder to live... there's no help with literally anything ever. While in LA, it's harder to get around but easier to live. In fact, people here are overly helpful." - Hallie J., Digital Strategist
“I hate the shopping experience in NYC. There's always a line to try something on, and an even bigger line to buy it! Plus when it's cold outside, it's WAY too hot inside the stores... but it's too much effort to unbundle your jacket." - Tammy S., Film
7. Transportation Nation
“Being in a packed NY train is like playing the trust game 'who's not gonna grab my ass while I'm crammed against the door?'" - Atheer Y., Nutritionist
“I've made some of my best friends while drunk on the subway... but I've also seen a homeless person with an anaconda. It's constant nonsense. In LA though, it's basically, 'I'll see you when I see you.'" - Taylor P., Marketing Innovation
8. Let's Get Social
“Happy hour in NY means 2-for-1 drinks specials. Happy hour in LA means 2-for-1 sound bath and silent meditation." -Liz P., Marketing Manager
“NY house parties are in tiny apartments (max occupancy 10-20, with at least 40 people inside). Whereas in LA, they're so large that people just show up. In reality, the host only knows 50% (which is why everyone asks how you know the host). It's like an audition of how well someone can act." -Alexa K., Program Manager
9. More Cultured Than Yogurt
“I admire the hustle in NY. You really have to love it there to stay there, so I think it breeds a strong culturalism which I appreciate. And the toughness… there's a strong moral character that LA doesn't seem to have." - Rachel S., Digital Media
“In NY business casual means suit-jacket optional. In LA, business casual means bra-optional." - Liz P., Marketing Manager
“LA supports a culture of wannabes who end up waiting tables. In NY it's all about the dreamers who make their dreams come true." - Vanessa H., Finance
"Everyone in NY is an asshole— but it's just because they need to know what you need. It's like, 'If I can help you in some way I will, but if not, stop talking to me.' While in LA, I've noticed people like to openly chat while in line. I've naturally met a lot of my best friends Starbucks." - Taylor P., Marketing Innovation
“You can tell who just moved to LA by whether or not they touch the food platter at a party. It's a shame because it's always made of the good shit (steaks, sushi, the works). - Alexa K., Program Manager
And there you have it folks, the real differences between LA and NYC, straight from the horse's mouth. But while their words are insightful, they remind us that just like mimosas at brunch, we'll never really get to the bottom of it (at least, we hope not).
Just remember that whichever city you chose, one thing's for sure: you still can't make that your relationship status on Facebook.
This piece was originally published October 20, 2017.
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Help! My Friend Is a No Show
Dear Armchair Psychologist,
I have a friend who doesn't reply to my messages about meeting for dinner, etc. Although, last week I ran into her at a local restaurant of mine, it has always been awkward to be friends with her. Should I continue our friendship or discontinue it? We've been friends for a total four years and nothing has changed. I don't feel as comfortable with her as my other close friends, and I don't think I'll ever be able to reach that comfort zone in pure friendship.
Dear Sadsies,I am sorry to hear you've been neglected by your friend. You may already have the answer to your question, since you're evaluating the non-existing bond between yourself and your friend. However, I'll gladly affirm to you that a friendship that isn't reciprocated is not a good friendship.
I have had a similar situation with a friend whom I'd grown up with but who was also consistently a very negative person, a true Debby Downer. One day, I just had enough of her criticism and vitriol. I stopped making excuses for her and dumped her. It was a great decision and I haven't looked back. With that in mind, it could be possible that something has changed in your friend's life, but it's insignificant if she isn't responding to you. It's time to dump her and spend your energy where it's appreciated. Don't dwell on this friend. History is not enough to create a lasting bond, it only means just that—you and your friend have history—so let her be history!
- The Armchair Psychologist