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Why Deciding What You Want Is The Secret To Having It

3min read
Influential Voices

We walk around acting like if only things were different all of our dreams would come true. If we had more money, more power, more recognition. Higher ranking jobs, bigger houses, more picturesque family situations.


Truthfully you can have whatever you want. It's just a matter of focusing, and streamlining your thought process.

We like to come up with excuses for why that's not true –– but in most situations it actually is. The only catch is that you have to decide what you want. You can be the world changer that advocates for justice, you can be the corporate executive that preaches innovation, the traditional stay-at-home parent with a house full of kids or the free-spirit writer that travels in search of inspiration. The truth is that life really does happen while you are busy making other plans. So if you spend your time worrying about the money or degree that you don't have, you'll likely continue to struggle -- and find yourself in the same spot months or years from now. Rather, spend your time actually DOING and working towards what you want and you'll be amazed by the change towards what you want that occurs.

So if you spend your time worrying about the money or degree that you don't have, you'll likely continue to struggle -- and find yourself in the same spot months or years from now.

Each role has its perks and disadvantages. Whether its high in fulfillment, but low in salary. High in salary, but painfully mind-numbing. Inspirational but never very stable…the list goes on. The goal is to find the sweet spot, but there will always be sacrifices. I was always very entrepreneurial even as a child (think lemonade stand, re-selling Avon products...). While I was working for a large, respected, global brand design firm, I decided it was time to act on my entrepreneurial spirit. It was truly the most scared I have ever been (this tops having a baby and getting married), but I pressed on towards having my own business. I took every opportunity (early morning breakfasts, lunch hours, after work time) to meet with people that could potentially help me get started. And that's how it began. Fast-Forward to today and I'm 20 years into my business.

In the end, the choice is truly yours–– and there's something empowering about free will. Do you write things down ? This sounds silly, but it's something that's always worked for me. You can think about things all you want, but the moment you write them down, you commit to them in some way. At the beginning of every year, for example, I sit down at my desk and think about what I want to focus on or accomplish in the coming year -- then I type out the goals and post that sheet of paper in my office where I can see them every day. I am constantly asking myself -- am I doing what I set out to do ? are some of these things no longer important ? do I need to shift anything ? This is a decisive move and one that truly matters.

You can think about things all you want, but the moment you write them down, you commit to them in some way.

You can be and do anything you want, but you can't be everything you want. And the longer it takes to decide, the more you become a little bit of everything instead of a heavyweight in anything. And that's not a bad thing, but not choosing is a choice in itself. Without any major goals, life will choose them for you. Life never stops based on your inability to decide what you want; it will simply keep going and your direction will become reactive instead of proactive. Remember, life is what happens while you are busy making other plans.


Our newsletter that womansplains the week
3min read
Self

It’s Time for Women to Stop Worrying About Being “Too Much”

We are living in a time when women are rising to new heights which means they are regularly being confronted with the fear of being "too much". For women in business this is pervasive and costly.

A few ways women can be perceived as "too much" are:

Speaking up about their successes and achievements.

Sharing one too many photos of their cute kids.

Telling one too many people about that date night.

Looking a little too good in that swimsuit.

These can lead to being publicly attacked on social media or privately slandered which in turn leads to women dimming their light and walking on egg shells in hopes of avoiding conflict and judgement.

The minute a woman feels it's unsafe to shine she will begin to overthink, worry, and fear how she shows up in the world.

Forgetting to announce the book is done and the interview is live.

Choosing to focus on what's still on the to-do list rather than what's been checked off.

Many female entrepreneurs are subconsciously altering their behavior in an attempt to not attract too much attention to themselves, rather than focusing on allowing authenticity and magnetism to attract their ideal clients and community.

Women are afraid of being criticized, ostracized, and abandoned by other women for simply being who they are. This leads to quite the quantum when being who you are is simplest way to accelerate the growth of your business.

New research shows men are far more comfortable with self promotion than women are. Researchers found that men rate their own performance 33 percent higher than equally performing women. What we know is that self promotion pays off and this is where women are missing the boat.

The world needs more women to step into leadership roles and no longer be intimidated about creating six and seven figure careers.

Here are five ways to release the fear of being "too much":

1. Approve of yourself.

While it feels good to receive outside validation it will never be enough if you don't first appreciate yourself. The key to having a healthy support system is to make sure you are part of it. Being your biggest critic is what your mother's generation did. It's now time to be your biggest cheerleader. Becoming aware of self talk will reveal what belief is ready to be re-wired. Create a simply mantra that affirms how incredible capable you are.

2. Connect deeply to those you serve.

One powerful way to shift out of people pleasing behavior is to get clear on who actually matters to the wellbeing and success of your life and business. Leadership is not about being the most popular, instead it's a decision to be brave for those who can't be. Take a few minutes each day to visualize and meditate on those your business serves and supports. See your future clients moving toward you every time you choose to stand in your power and use your authentic voice.

3. Remember the legacy you wish to leave.

Having your life purpose and legacy in writing is one of the most transformational exercises you can do. Reading this often will keep you focused on what matters. Knowing what you wish to leave in the hearts of those you love most is incredibly grounding. You didn't come here to keep your mouth shut, dilute your truth, or dim your light-you came here to make a difference.

4. Forgive those who have been unsupportive in the past.

The past has a way of informing the future in a negative way when there is unresolved pain. Take a few minutes to get quiet and ask yourself who you have unforgiveness towards or maybe their name came to mind as you read this article. Listening to a forgiveness meditation or writing a letter to the person you are ready to forgive are both simple and effective ways to process and heal.

5. Be part a community of bright, successful women.

Meaningful relationships with others who have similar aspirations is what will keep you out of isolation and playing small. These connections can happen in a networking group, online community or a local Meetup. Thriving in every area of life is depend on you knowing where you belong and being celebrated there. Don't wait to be invited, go actively seek out people and places that support your dreams and desires.

6. Accept you can have it all.


Women have been fed a lie for generations that says, you can have love or money. Decide you can have it all and allow it to flow to you. You can have a successful career and an amazing mother. You can balance motherhood and loving marriage. Don't let anyone write the rules for you. This is the time to create the life you desire on your terms.

7. Celebrate everything!

The fastest way to leave the haters in the dust is to celebrate everything! At the end of each day lay in bed and recall the best moments. At the end of each week, publicly acknowledge and celebrate what's good in your life. Once a month, have a celebration dinner and share it with those who have helped you in the journey. If there's something good happening, talk about it with everyone who will listen!

May you be a woman who chooses to shine so that others may be reminded of all they can be and do.