#SWAAYthenarrative

Why Deciding What You Want Is The Secret To Having It

3min read
Self

We walk around acting like if only things were different all of our dreams would come true. If we had more money, more power, more recognition. Higher ranking jobs, bigger houses, more picturesque family situations.


Truthfully you can have whatever you want. It's just a matter of focusing, and streamlining your thought process.

We like to come up with excuses for why that's not true –– but in most situations it actually is. The only catch is that you have to decide what you want. You can be the world changer that advocates for justice, you can be the corporate executive that preaches innovation, the traditional stay-at-home parent with a house full of kids or the free-spirit writer that travels in search of inspiration. The truth is that life really does happen while you are busy making other plans. So if you spend your time worrying about the money or degree that you don't have, you'll likely continue to struggle -- and find yourself in the same spot months or years from now. Rather, spend your time actually DOING and working towards what you want and you'll be amazed by the change towards what you want that occurs.

So if you spend your time worrying about the money or degree that you don't have, you'll likely continue to struggle -- and find yourself in the same spot months or years from now.

Each role has its perks and disadvantages. Whether its high in fulfillment, but low in salary. High in salary, but painfully mind-numbing. Inspirational but never very stable…the list goes on. The goal is to find the sweet spot, but there will always be sacrifices. I was always very entrepreneurial even as a child (think lemonade stand, re-selling Avon products...). While I was working for a large, respected, global brand design firm, I decided it was time to act on my entrepreneurial spirit. It was truly the most scared I have ever been (this tops having a baby and getting married), but I pressed on towards having my own business. I took every opportunity (early morning breakfasts, lunch hours, after work time) to meet with people that could potentially help me get started. And that's how it began. Fast-Forward to today and I'm 20 years into my business.

In the end, the choice is truly yours–– and there's something empowering about free will. Do you write things down ? This sounds silly, but it's something that's always worked for me. You can think about things all you want, but the moment you write them down, you commit to them in some way. At the beginning of every year, for example, I sit down at my desk and think about what I want to focus on or accomplish in the coming year -- then I type out the goals and post that sheet of paper in my office where I can see them every day. I am constantly asking myself -- am I doing what I set out to do ? are some of these things no longer important ? do I need to shift anything ? This is a decisive move and one that truly matters.

You can think about things all you want, but the moment you write them down, you commit to them in some way.

You can be and do anything you want, but you can't be everything you want. And the longer it takes to decide, the more you become a little bit of everything instead of a heavyweight in anything. And that's not a bad thing, but not choosing is a choice in itself. Without any major goals, life will choose them for you. Life never stops based on your inability to decide what you want; it will simply keep going and your direction will become reactive instead of proactive. Remember, life is what happens while you are busy making other plans.


3 min read
Lifestyle

Help! My Friend Is a No Show

Email armchairpsychologist@swaaymedia.com to get the advice you need!

Help! My Friend Is a No Show

Dear Armchair Psychologist,

I have a friend who doesn't reply to my messages about meeting for dinner, etc. Although, last week I ran into her at a local restaurant of mine, it has always been awkward to be friends with her. Should I continue our friendship or discontinue it? We've been friends for a total four years and nothing has changed. I don't feel as comfortable with her as my other close friends, and I don't think I'll ever be able to reach that comfort zone in pure friendship.

-Sadsies

Dear Sadsies,

I am sorry to hear you've been neglected by your friend. You may already have the answer to your question, since you're evaluating the non-existing bond between yourself and your friend. However, I'll gladly affirm to you that a friendship that isn't reciprocated is not a good friendship.



I have had a similar situation with a friend whom I'd grown up with but who was also consistently a very negative person, a true Debby Downer. One day, I just had enough of her criticism and vitriol. I stopped making excuses for her and dumped her. It was a great decision and I haven't looked back. With that in mind, it could be possible that something has changed in your friend's life, but it's insignificant if she isn't responding to you. It's time to dump her and spend your energy where it's appreciated. Don't dwell on this friend. History is not enough to create a lasting bond, it only means just that—you and your friend have history—so let her be history!



- The Armchair Psychologist

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