Wellness is such a buzz word these days. Taking care of yourself needs to be a top priority. I know that you may feel stressed and overwhelmed with work, family, friends, or other commitments, but at the end of the day, your health should be your most prized commodity.
My theory is that an individual's personal wellness must be a top priority in order to achieve one's major corporate goals. Not only do I teach this method, but I live it too. Every. Single. Day.
I make a conscious effort to prioritize my health and well-being in my daily life. As a competitive athlete and avid runner dedicated to a strict fitness and nutrition regimen, I participate in ongoing marathons and IRONMAN 70.3 competitions across the globe. And of course, when I am not competing, I spend my time training and fueling myself for the next race. Following this routine has strengthened and nourished my body and mind in numerous ways and I reap the benefits of it every day. Over the next few months, I will embark on several major races. In September, I will be running a Marathon in Capetown, South Africa. Then in October, I am going back for my second year running 55 Miles through the Serengeti in Africa. This time I will bring along a mentee, friend, and Olympian, Veronica Day. Last year when I did this run, it was one of the most incredible and life changing experiences that I have ever had. Speaking with the young girls there was eye opening and I learned just as much from them as I hope they did from me. Embracing the open terrain and being with my thoughts as I ran was incredible. The self reflection and how I was able to push my body to the edge with such a strenuous run is something that I had trained for so year after year.
To keep the momentum going, in November I will be running in the TCS New York City Marathon. And then in December, I will be completing an IRONMAN 70.3 in Cartagena, Colombia. I did not always compete in these types of races, however, I worked up to it through rigorous training sessions. I was sure to put my health and wellness as a major priority. I needed to. With all of the travel and stress of managing a global team, wellness needed to take precedence. The emails can wait, your health cannot. Something very serious to consider.
Being conscious of my health not only benefits my body and mind, but my corporate life as well. I have completed many races this year – all of which helped me stay focused in my personal life and in the office. Following a schedule and setting goals when training and competing fosters an organized and centered mind when I am at work. I can focus on what I want to execute and achieve. The cadence of training is very similar to the way that I operate in the corporate landscape.
Similarly, I attribute many of my most prized leadership qualities, including motivation, perseverance and a stellar ability to navigate the daily struggle of balance, to an active and healthy lifestyle that is the impetus for day-to-day accomplishments. I first learned how to motivate myself to prioritize my well-being and how to persevere when training becomes a challenge. I worked to find a balance that fit my lifestyle. Then I was able to transfer those skills that I learned to helping others. After all, if you cannot take care of yourself, you cannot take care of your team.
These are just a few of the reasons why I choose to make my health and well-being a top priority. Now the question is how do I balance this choice alongside corporate ambition? How do I find the time and motivation? One way that I am able to do both is that I actually do much of my business strategizing while working out. I am able to let my mind think about business while my body focuses on my wellness. It also helps that training gives me a sense of fulfillment. I want to exercise because I like the way I feel afterwards and I am happy with what I accomplished. This translates to the business side of things as well, the sense of completion.
Schedule your fitness into your calendar. If it's on the calendar it is real.
Set goals. Reward yourself when you make progress, whether it's with a new outfit, new running shoes, or a pedicure that you have been dying to have. Treat yourself.
Make time to move. Choose a fitness goal and obtain it. Whether it be running a 5K or a marathon. Every time you train you will become stronger.
- The Amazing Places Self-Reflection Took Me: Running A Business ... ›
- The 5 relationships you need to be a successful working #momboss ... ›
- Put Down The Phone: Arianna Huffington On Her Latest Mission Of ... ›
Marriage can be a tightrope act: when everything is in balance, it is bliss and you feel safe, but once things get shaky, you are unsure about next steps. Add outside forces into the equation like kids, work, finances or a personal crisis and now there's a strong chance that you'll need extra support to keep you from falling.
My husband and I are no strangers to misunderstandings, which are expected in any relationship, but after 7 years of marriage, we were really being tested on how strong our bond was and it had nothing to do with the "7-year itch"--it was when I was diagnosed with PTSD. As a survivor of child sexual abuse who is a perfectionist, I felt guilty about not being the "perfect partner" in our relationship; frustrated that I might be triggered while being intimate; and worried about being seen as broken or weak because of panic attacks. My defense mechanism is to not need anyone, yet my biggest fear is often abandonment.
I am not a trained therapist or relationship expert, but since 2016, I have learned a lot about managing survivorship and PTSD triggers while being in a heterosexual marriage, so I am now sharing some of my practical relationship advice to the partners of survivors to support my fellow female survivors who may be struggling to have a stronger voice in their relationship. Partners of survivors have needs too during this process, but before those needs can be met, they need to understand how to support their survivor partner, and it isn't always an easy path to navigate.
To my fellow survivor sisters in romantic relationships, I write these tips from the perspective of giving advice to your partner, so schedule some quality time to talk with your boo and read these tips together.
I challenge you both to discuss if my advice resonates with you or not! Ultimately, it will help both of you develop an open line of communication about needs, boundaries, triggers and loving one another long-term.
1. To Be or Not to Be Sexy: Your survivor partner probably wants to feel sexy, but is ambivalent about sex. She was a sexual object to someone else and that can wreak havoc on her self-esteem and intimate relationships. She may want you to find her sexy and yet not want to actually be intimate with you. Talk to her about her needs in the bedroom, what will make her feel safe, what will make her feel sexy but not objectified, and remind her that you are attracted to her for a multitude or reasons--not just because of her physical appearance.
2. Safe Words = Safer Sex: Believe it or not, your partner's mind is probably wondering while you are intimate (yep, she isn't just thinking about how amazing you are, ha!). Negative thoughts can flash through her mind depending on her body position, things you say, how she feels, etc. Have a word that you agree on that she can say if she needs a break. It could be as simple as "pause," but it needs to be respected and not questioned so that she knows when it is used, you won't assume that you can sweet talk her into continuing. This doesn't have to be a bedroom only rule. Daytime physical touch or actions could warrant the safe word, as well.
3. Let Her Reconnect: Both partners need attention in a relationship, but sometimes a survivor is distracted. Maybe she was triggered that day, feels sad or her defense mechanisms are up because you did something to upset her and you didn't even know it (and she doesn't know how to explain what happened). If she is distant, ask her if she needs some time alone. Maybe she does, maybe she doesn't, but acknowledging that you can sense some internal conflict will go a long way. Sometimes giving her the space to reconnect with herself before expecting her to be able to focus on you/your needs is just what she needs to be reminded that she is safe and loved in this relationship.
4. Take the 5 Love Languages(r) Test: If you haven't read this book yet or taken the test, please at the very least take the free quiz to learn your individual love language. My top love language was Touch and Words of Affirmation before remembering my abuse and thereafter it became Acts of Service and Words of Affirmation. Knowing how your survivor partner prefers to be shown love goes a long way and it will in turn help your needs be met, as they might be different.
5. Be Patient: I know it might be frustrating at times and you can't possibly totally understand what your survivor partner is going through, but patience goes a long way. If your survivor partner is going through the early stages of PTSD, she feels like a lot of her emotional well-being is out of her control. Panic attacks are scary and there are triggers everywhere in society. For example, studies have shown that sexual references are made anywhere from 8 to 10 times during one hour of prime time television (source: Journal of Broadcasting & Electronic Media). My husband is now on high alert when we watch TV and film. He quickly paused a Game of Thrones episode when we started season 2 because he realized a potentially violent sexual scene was coming up, and ultimately we turned it off and never watched the series again. He didn't make a big deal about it and I was relieved.
6. Courage to Heal, Together: The Courage to Heal book has been around for many years and it supported me well during the onset of my first flashbacks of my abuse. At the back of the book is a partners section for couples to read together. I highly recommend it so that you can try to understand from a psychological, physical and emotional stand point what your survivor partner is grappling with and how the two of you can support one another on the path of healing and enjoying life together.