People 17 May 2018
Randi Zuckerberg is a force to be reckoned with. Not only is the serial tech entrepreneur and Founder of Zuckerberg Media a New York Times best-selling author, Broadway singer and avid proponent of getting more young girls into STEM via an innovative pop-up shop called Sue's Tech Kitchen and children's content platform (Dot Complicated), but she's also a mom of two young boys.
According to Zuckerberg, navigating her packed schedule and multitude of personal and professional responsibilities has been built on a simple notion; picking and choosing.
Work, sleep, family, friends, fitness; all important, but not all possible to do at once. Picking three on any given day is Zuckerberg's way to navigate the many demands a modern woman in business faces. Her newest book, Pick Three: You Can Have it All tells women it's OK to sometimes temporarily disappoint people or say 'no,' to something, because being fully present is much more important. "Not everything can be top priority, so instead of trying to do everything and winding up doing it all in a thoroughly mediocre way," says Zuckerberg. "It's always better to prioritize and show up for things 100 percent."
Here, we get low down on how this book came to be and why Zuckerberg believes it's OK to sometimes put work over family...
1. Were you always someone who took on a lot? Can you talk us through how your experience brought you to the "pick three" philosophy?
I guess you can say that I've always had a 'more is more' approach to life. I've always found room to advise one more startup, see one more Broadway show, write one more book, or invest in one more female founder. The only glaring problem with that approach is it's easy to feel overloaded, drowning under the pressure of everything going on - I often found I was prioritizing everything and everyone in my life, except for me.
I figured that there had to be a way to be busy and to accomplish everything I wanted to do in terms of: work, sleep, family, friends, and fitness, but in a way that was focused, mindful, and strategic. I realized that the key lay in prioritizing. Having the discipline to focus on a few things each day and do those things really, really well has allowed me to take on many more projects than I ever dreamed possible, while feeling way less overwhelmed and frazzled (though of course I do still have my moments)!
2. Do you think there is more pressure on women to balance all responsibilities while men are forgiven more easily to embrace business over family life?
Definitely. It was shocking to me as I was researching and interviewing people for Pick Three how women would lean in close and drop their voice to a whisper before admitting that they wanted to prioritize their careers. As if it's a major taboo for women to admit that they want to spend time on the thing that they spent years of their life doing and oodles of money and student debt preparing for! It's ok to say 'I love my career and sometimes I want to prioritize it over my family!' It doesn't make you any less of a mother or any less of a person. Men definitely don't have the same societal pressure to excel at work by pretending their children don't exist, while at the same time feeling like they need to say that their children are always their number one priority in every social setting, but Pick Three applies to everyone, no matter gender, age, or phase of life. We all prioritize and make sacrifices. So make your choices each day, do those things well, and don't waste a minute feeling guilty about the areas you didn't choose.
Zuckerberg, with her two boys, reminds women that some days it's inevitable that you must pick family over work or vice versa. Photographed by Dan Martensen, Vogue.
3. Are these five value propositions universal? Do they vary when it comes to different countries, generations, and socio-economic groups?
I purposefully tried to make the five categories as broad as possible to fit the needs of as many people as possible. For example, Fitness doesn't just apply to going to the gym. It encompasses all areas of health: mental health, physical health, stress relief, mindfulness, meditation, nutrition, and more. Family is another example of a broad category. There are many people for whom family is complicated - or biological family just doesn't exist. Family broadly applies to the people who make you feel like you belong - which could be a church, religious community, etc. Of course, if my five categories don't meet the needs of your life, feel free to craft your own!
4. Which of the five are you most likely to drop? Do you notice any patterns in your own life re. favoring some vs. others.
For me, I find that friends drop off the most and sleep is a close second. I've interviewed dozens of people on this topic, and while no two people are the same, I have noticed some broad similarities of what people prioritize in different life stages. Teens and Twenties are all about Friends and Work (School, Early Career.) Thirties and Forties switch to Work and Family. And Fifties and Sixties switches back to Friends and Fitness. For me, I am squarely in the Work and Family phase of my life. I have my own company and two young children, so I am pretty much picking those two categories every single day. Which leaves only one open slot to rotate through: Fitness, Sleep & Friends. By the time I make it to the weekend, all I want to do is sleep and try to get in a good workout. Sorry, friends. See you when I turn fifty, I guess?
5. You say there is "no such thing as a perfect balance" yet women are constantly striving for perfection. What advice do you have to help women go easy on themselves for those moments they are most stressed?
I have wasted way too much of my life feeling guilty: guilty for not having a perfect body, guilty for not spending enough time with my children, guilty for not spending enough time on my company. You name it. Guilt-a-palooza over here. Compound that with the fact that it's so easy to open Instagram and feel like everyone else's lives are so perfect (because we've all gotten so good at curating our lives to a tee).
Enough of that. Don't waste one more second feeling guilty because I'm going to go out on a limb and guess that when you think about the things you've done that you are most proud of in your life, those things probably did not happen when you were perfectly balanced. No. I'm guessing you accomplished those things when you gave yourself permission to really go for it in one area of your life, even if it had to mean temporarily sacrificing some other areas. So go be great and stop feeling guilty!
"I guess you can say that I've always had a “more is more" approach to life. I've always found room to advise one more startup. See one more Broadway show. Write one more book." Photo Courtesy of Ben Arons
6. As more women enter executive positions while navigating motherhood, can you share your thoughts on how companies should begin to adapt? What was your experience with this?
Oh gosh, I could write a book titled Horrible Places I've Pumped (And Other Stories). I think that the more we as women articulate our goals, our priorities, our Pick Threes, the more we educate those around us on our boundaries, the better off we'll be.
The workplace of the future will need to be a nimble, flexible one that can accommodate working mothers and give them the environment to do their very best work, while also enabling them to Pick Family when need be.
That being said, we do ourselves and all working mothers a disservice by pretending that we can do it all at the same time. If you're on a conference call while your toddler is throwing cheerios down your shirt, then you're not present at work and you're not really there with your children. Pick Three is all about prioritizing and choosing fewer things to focus on each day so that you can be fully present and truly excellent at the things you choose. So make sure that when you Pick Work, you give your all at work. And when you Pick Family, you are truly spending quality time.
If that means that you need to have a four-day work week or a flexible work-from-home arrangement or you need to not answer emails on Sundays, then do it. You know yourself best, which means you know the environment to truly set yourself up for success, rather than failure.
7. It is clear that women from more privileged socioeconomic backgrounds are given preferential treatment in terms of getting hired by top firms or getting investments, can you speak about this disparity?
It's definitely a vicious cycle. If you're in a position where you get to pick your Pick Three and you have the freedom and resources to choose where to focus your energy, then you're already starting from a privileged position.
There are so many people out there who don't get to pick their Pick Three - life picks for them. And of course, if you're a single parent working multiple jobs to make ends meet - then you're regularly not picking Friends, which means you're not building your network. You're probably not picking Sleep or Fitness that much either, which means you're not putting your best foot forward. So you're already starting from a severely handicapped position.
Where Pick Three can truly help here is in acknowledging that none of us can prioritize everything and do it all alone - we need to lean on those around us for help. So whether that is finding a mentor, a religious community for networking and resources, an online course, friends or neighbors - find those local groups that can fill in the gaps and enable you to pick some of the categories you have been neglecting a bit more.
8. When it comes to giving yourself totally personal, disconnected 'me-time,' as a mom or as a business leader, is there ever too much? Any strategies for "touching base" with yourself every so often?
I'm not sure there's ever such a thing as too much 'me-time.' I tend to believe that the more you take care of yourself, the more you can show up for those around you who depend on you. The better you'll be at work, with your children, at the gym, with your friends, you name it. We all have different needs - for example, I am actually quite introverted and need some alone time after a highly social work event, whereas my husband is quite extraverted and could spend every single minute of the day surrounded by other people, so it's hard to apply a one-size-fits-all here.
By journaling your Pick Three, you'll be able to quickly touch base with yourself and see if you've been neglecting self-care a bit too much recently.
Book cover for PICK THREE by Randi Zuckerberg
9. Let's say you adopt the Pick 3 strategy, and it causes you to put work further down on your priority list, how should you go about explaining this to your employer and making it a seamless experience moving forward?
If you're getting your work done as your job requires it (not half-assed), you probably won't need to have a big discussion about de-prioritizing work. But if you have to take on a smaller workload and actively pass on projects, or if you find yourself missing deadlines and falling short of responsibilities, you definitely need to have an honest discussion with your employer.
Having to focus on family, health, etc. is a normal part of life. It's understandable to be afraid of being honest about this need. The fear stigma is real. We worry our outside needs could cost us our job, our salary, and our livelihood. But honesty is always the best policy. If you can make it so your work is completed or your team can help pick up the some of the load, tell your boss that your time away will only bring you back as a stronger, more focused employee.
If you have to take a leave, be honest about that too. Don't stretch yourself thin. Life happens, and when it does we need to be adult about what to do. By hiding your needs, you're bringing more stress to come. Rip the Band-Aid off quick and admit your struggles. Your boss will appreciate you more for respecting them and including him/her in your discussions of what to do. It shows a strong work ethic, and even more so, it shows your dedication to your work.
10. When it comes to those days that everything just seems equally important (i.e. a big All Hands meeting, your kid's big recital, and your best friend's bridal shower), do you have any strategies for how to decide on which should come first, and how to navigate the others?
Sometimes, prioritization means making tough choices and being honest with those around us when their event just can't make it into our Pick Three. It also means planning in advance. I've found that even the busiest weeks can be made less stressful by planning in advance what to prioritize and how to focus. With some good planning, we can occasionally have a Pick Four day (as long as we don't try for it too often.) Can you delegate tasks for the bridal shower? Video call into the all hands? Have someone tape the piano recital and then watch it with your child at home to relive the moment? Not everything can be top priority, so instead of trying to do everything and winding up doing it all in a thoroughly mediocre way (that's the old you!) it's always better to prioritize and show up for things 100 percent, even if it means temporarily disappointing a few people along the way, but then showing up for them fully in the future.
11. A lot of what you do (Dot Complicated, Sue's Tech Kitchen) is aimed at bringing technology into the lives of children. Can you tell us more about why this was a quest you set out on?
I am driven by a mission to get more women and girls into tech and STEM fields. My research points to ages 9 and 10 as a key time when we lose a lot of girls in these fields. If we can't get a girl excited about tech by that age, it's really hard to get her interested later on. After seeing that data, I decided to focus a lot of my efforts on children's media projects. I am currently the executive producer of Dot., an animated children's show on Hulu and Universal Kids about a tech-savvy girl and her friends, based on a children's book I wrote in 2013. And most recently, my team and I opened Sue's Tech Kitchen, a pop-up tech-themed cafe where you can eat 3D-printed s'mores or watch a robot make you a pancake. We've now opened three locations, focused on small and mid-sized cities that could become up-and-coming tech hubs. Our first location was in Chattanooga, TN. And most recently, we popped up in Jackson, MS. We'll be opening in six additional cities in the second half of 2018.
12. Can you tell us a bit about what you're up to now (aside from the book, of course). Any Broadway performances or other activities of note?
Oh my, aside from raising two young boys, ages 3 and 7 to be smart, kind-hearted men - I'm not afraid or guilty to admit that I love my career. We're opening six additional locations of Sue's Tech Kitchen in the coming months. I host a weekly radio show on SiriusXM (Dot Complicated on Channel 111), I see 60+ Broadway and Off-Broadway shows each year as a Tony voter. I travel the globe speaking at conferences from Croatia to Cleveland. And I have a personal goal to lift 3 million total pounds of weight in the gym over the course of all of 2018. There's always something brewing at Zuckerberg Media. Luckily I have Pick Three to keep me grounded!
Purchase your copy of PICK THREE at Amazon now!
Women in the workplace have always experienced a certain degree of discrimination from male colleagues, and according to new studies, it appears that it is becoming even more difficult for women to get acclimated to modern day work environments, in wake of the #MeToo Movement.
In a recent study conducted by LeanIn.org, in partnership with SurveyMonkey, 60% of male managers confessed to feeling uncomfortable engaging in social situations with women in and outside of the workplace. This includes interactions such as mentorships, meetings, and basic work activities. This statistic comes as a shocking 32% rise from 2018.
What appears the be the crux of the matter is that men are afraid of being accused of sexual harassment. While it is impossible to discredit this fear as incidents of wrongful accusations have taken place, the extent to which it has burgeoned is unacceptable. The #MeToo movement was never a movement against men, but an empowering opportunity for women to speak up about their experiences as victims of sexual harassment. Not only were women supporting one another in sharing to the public that these incidents do occur, and are often swept under the rug, but offered men insight into behaviors and conversations that are typically deemed unwelcomed and unwarranted.
Restricting interaction with women in the workplace is not a solution, but a mere attempt at deflecting from the core issue. Resorting to isolation and exclusion relays the message that if men can't treat women how they want, then they rather not deal with them at all. Educating both men and women on what behaviors are unacceptable while also creating a work environment where men and women are held accountable for their actions would be the ideal scenario. However, the impact of denying women opportunities of mentorship and productive one-on-one meetings hinders growth within their careers and professional networks.
Women, particularly women of color, have always had far fewer opportunities for mentorship which makes it impossible to achieve growth within their careers without them. If women are given limited opportunities to network in and outside of a work environment, then men must limit those opportunities amongst each other, as well. At the most basic level, men should be approaching female colleagues as they would approach their male colleagues. Striving to achieve gender equality within the workplace is essential towards creating a safer environment.
While restricted communication and interaction may diminish the possibility of men being wrongfully accused of sexual harassment, it creates a hostile
environment that perpetuates women-shaming and victim-blaming. Creating distance between men and women only prompts women to believe that male colleagues who avoid them will look away from or entirely discredit sexual harassment they experience from other men in the workplace. This creates an unsafe working environment for both parties where the problem at hand is not solved, but overlooked.
According to LeanIn's study, only 85% of women said they feel safe on the job, a 5% drop from 2018. In the report, Jillesa Gebhardt wrote, "Media coverage that is intended to hold aggressors accountable also seems to create a sense of threat, and people don't seem to feel like aggressors are held accountable." Unfortunately, only 16% of workers believed that harassers holding high positions are held accountable for their actions which inevitably puts victims in difficult, and quite possibly dangerous, situations. 50% of workers also believe that there are more repercussions for the victims than harassers when speaking up.
In a research poll conducted by Edison Research in 2018, 30% of women agreed that their employers did not handle harassment situations properly while 53% percent of men agreed that they did. Often times, male harassers hold a significant amount of power within their careers that gives them a sense of security and freedom to go forward with sexual misconduct. This can be seen in cases such as that of Harvey Weinstein, Bill Cosby and R. Kelly. Men in power seemingly have little to no fear that they will face punishment for their actions.
Source-Alex Brandon, AP
Sheryl Sandberg, Facebook executive and founder of LeanIn.org., believes that in order for there to be positive changes within work environments, more women should be in higher positions. In an interview with CNBC's Julia Boorstin, Sandberg stated, "you know where the least sexual harassment is? Organizations that have more women in senior leadership roles. And so, we need to mentor women, we need to sponsor women, we need to have one-on-one conversations with them that get them promoted." Fortunately, the number of women in leadership positions are slowly increasing which means the prospect of gender equality and safer work environments are looking up.
Despite these concerning statistics, Sandberg does not believe that movements such as the Times Up and Me Too movements, have been responsible for the hardship women have been experiencing in the workplace. "I don't believe they've had negative implications. I believe they're overwhelmingly positive. Because half of women have been sexually harassed. But the thing is it is not enough. It is really important not to harass anyone. But that's pretty basic. We also need to not be ignored," she stated. While men may be feeling uncomfortable, putting an unrealistic amount of distance between themselves and female coworkers is more harmful to all parties than it is beneficial. Men cannot avoid working with women and vice versa. Creating such a hostile environment is also detrimental to any business as productivity and communication will significantly decrease.
The fear or being wrongfully accused of sexual harassment is a legitimate fear that deserves recognition and understanding. However, restricting interactions with women in the workplace is not a sensible solution as it can have negatively impact a woman's career. Companies are in need of proper training and resources to help both men and women understand what is appropriate workplace behavior. Refraining from physical interactions, commenting on physical appearance, making lewd or sexist jokes and inquiring about personal information are also beneficial steps towards respecting your colleagues' personal space. There is still much work to be done in order to create safe work environments, but with more and more women speaking up and taking on higher positions, women can feel safer and hopefully have less contributions to make to the #MeToo movement.