Lifestyle 02 April 2018
This is a great month to be reminded of the message that Spring brings to all of us — new beginnings.
We start the month with Mercury in retrograde in Aries. This reminds us that we need to take action towards creating closure, forgiveness, and the healing of old wounds or misunderstandings. It's also a great time to work on erasing debt and actually physically cleaning up your personal spaces. Get rid of things that you don't need. Pull up the dead plants and prepare your garden. You also must prepare your heart and your life just like a garden so the success and abundance can grow. On April 16th Mercury goes direct and is still in Aries barreling towards Uranus this month. You better be ready for your future because here it comes!
(March 21 - April 19)
“The mad scientist" … Happy Birthday Aries!
You are the first sign and get the zodiac year started. This is perfect, because you love anything new and different! This is a special spring for you with Mercury going direct in Aries on the 16th— and Uranus still hanging on in the Ram sign as well. What does this mean for you? You are the future right now. You will have glimpses of the trajectory of things. Let it simmer until April 16th, then start to write it down or talk about your ideas with trusted colleagues. Invent. Tinker. Plant things. Experiment. This is a creative time that will bear much fruit long into the future. There is more work than fun but it pays off.
April 29: Show your heart.
(April 20 - May 20)
“Peas and Carrots..."
I love that vintage Disney cartoon Ferdinand the Bull. Ferdinand is the epitome of Taurus— lazing around in a spring field of flowers. This is a perfect picture of you, except for one thing — you will have your laptop humming during this bucolic picnic. Taurus can be the laziest sign, as well as the hardest working sign, in the zodiac. This month, you — along with Capricorn — will be the latter version; cranking out the reports, art, spreadsheets, projects, or whatever you consider to be your work. Don't burn out or be too serious. Take breaks and stop to smell those roses.
April 25-26 : Spring clean and organize.
May 21- June 20
The first half of April you will probably be feeling the showers more than the flowers of spring. There are a lot of heavy influences right now, and your ruling planet Mercury is in retrograde in Aries until the 15th. You may feel down or depressed this month— which is very foreign territory to Geminis. This too shall pass. Exercise, creativity and meditation could be helpful for you. However, not thinking before you speak will not be helpful to you during this time. Your verbal governor is out of order until the 15th. Also, wear a helmet. I'm not joking. Mercury retrograde in Aries can make you more prone to head injuries!
April 27-28: Date night.
June 21- July 22
“I was dreamin' when I wrote this, forgive me if it goes astray." - Prince
Ok so things are tough right now. You have Aries and Saturn squares all over your chart. Mercury is in retrograde in Aries and Mars is conjunct Saturn in Capricorn. Let's just stop counting the strikes against you, shall we? Whenever someone is swimming in this many challenging aspects, I always have them ask “WWPD?" (What Would Prince Do?).
Party like it's 1999 of course! Especially with Neptune in Pisces and Venus in Taurus. These lovelies are handing our Cancer friends love, fun and illusion on a silver platter. You're welcome.
April 12-13: Make your first batch of cotton candy at home…or anything else pink and lovely that you fancy.
July 23- August 22
Your love-life may be a little contentious this month. You may feel like you keep hitting stubborn brick walls with your partner. Work may seem sluggish. You have many plans for expansion but they are stalled because of loads of boring but necessary tasks. It's time to focus on what's flowing in your life. Ideas. Visions. Inventions. Dreamy vistas of future life paths are laying out before you. Watch, listen and be dazzled. After April 15th, you should write it all down, make a vision board or make a speech about it.
April 23-24: Dress up and make your entrance.
August 23- September 22
“I'm not sure which is worse, intense feeling or the absence of it." - Margaret Atwood
This month is very productive, intense and focused for you. Until April 15th, you feel as if you are bailing water out of your boat but it keeps filling up. After mid-month, you begin to see more traction. While most signs are reeling from the Saturn-Mars conjunction, you are riding this bull like a pro. You are exhausted and drained from the challenge…but isn't it amazing how well you are handling this ride? I'm betting on you this month for the win. Also, look up at least a couple of times to notice all of the people that are smitten with you and want to take you out.
April 10-11: Buy a magic set.
September 23- October 22.
“Don't fall through the ice!"
Libras have a reputation for being “shallow". This is true for some Librans, but for most— it is less about being shallow, and more about their propensity for staying in their heads and out of their emotions regarding stressful situations. Sometimes for the water signs or earth signs, it is hard to connect with our Libra friends because of this trait. The emotional and physical signs experience the world so differently. This month, a Libra's ability to not be dragged down into the mire of negative stress and emotion is a beautiful gift. Keep tap dancing on the surface dear Librans, the storm will pass.
April 19-20: Speak another language.
(October 23- November 21)
“The farmer has to be an optimist or he wouldn't be a farmer." - Will Rogers
You are still in serious work mode this month— and this spring it is even more intense.
Just like the farmer in April, you are breaking your back — preparing the soil, getting rid of the dead plants from last season and planting seeds. When you look up after all of this hard work what do you see? A big patch of lifeless mud. No worries. I guarantee this will be one of your best crops ever. Your money, career, assets, lifestyle and anything else that you desire is going to grow like crazy. Just be patient…and fertilize.
April 21-22: be good to your spouse.
November 22- December 21
“People who see life as anything more than pure entertainment are missing the point." - George Carlin
Just like many of the other signs, there will be April showers for you this month, my dear Sagittarius. But never fear— things get brighter when Mercury in Aries leaves retrograde around the 15th. When you get your gift of gab back during the second half of the month, I suggest that you join the Cancers (see above) at their end of the world party and live it up! You could be the comedic entertainment. It's worth a try- I promise the food and drink will be spectacular …it's a Cancer's home.
April 19-20: dance by yourself.
(December 22- January 19)
“If you want to see the sunshine, you have to weather the storm." - Frank Lane
This is a particularly yucky Mercury in retrograde for you. Please wear a helmet, slow down, wear your seatbelt, don't lose your temper, etc. After April 15th, things get so much better — and not just because more than 50% of all Capricorns are accountants and tax season is finally over. The bigger reason is that so many huge transits are in your sign right now. It's extremely intense and wreaking havoc on so many. Not you, my sweet Capricorn. Climbing steadily in harsh conditions is your natural habitat. I said earlier that I'm betting on Virgo to win— but you have a great shot at the podium as well. Isn't it fun when the nerds get to be the cool kids for a little while?
April 25-26: win at your spin class without even trying.
(January 20- February 18)
“The happy sidekick."
I'm still telling you to lean into your humor this month my Aquarius friends. Just like Libra (see above) your strength during this intense transit time is your ability to skim the surface of emotions and not be plowed under by the negativity of others. Look for those Capricorn or Virgo colleagues and ask if they need help — or ask them to help you. Let others lead, and try to laugh a lot. After April 15th you will be able to command attention again.
April 27-28: paint your toes a crazy color. Oh wait- they already are a crazy color…you're an Aquarius.
(February 19- March 20)
“A day of worry is more exhausting than a week of work." - John Lubbock
Work and life are really good, it's just stressful! You internalize everything and make it emotional. Please “clean" your energy this month. Take salt baths. Make sure your get the workouts in. It's a lot to deal with right now, but none of it is bad for you. After April 15th, you will feel a big lift. The middle of the month will be great for your relationship and attraction. Take advice from those that you trust— you aren't seeing everything so clearly right now. Slow down and stop worrying.
April 2-4: good love.
Yes, there is a G-spot. Of course there's a G-spot.
There's always been a G-spot.
And while we're on the subject, it's not a spot. It's not a little button or dot. It's an area. While we're on the subject, we really should rename it all together. A man “discovered it." Uh, huh. And he named it after himself. Of course. But I digress. The point is, the G-spot very much exists.
How do I know? Because I've touched my share of them. I've touched them and stimulated them, and the women to whom those G-spots belonged had delicious orgasms from the said touching of them. Ask them. Go ahead. You don't have to believe me because the G-spot is not the Easter Bunny or Santa Claus or even God for that matter. It's not something to “believe in." It's something that exists because it's there and you can touch it.
As the author of two books on women's sexuality, “O Wow: Discovering Your Ultimate Orgasm" and “The Ultimate Guide to Solo Sex," I have talked to hundreds of women; researched and spoken to the experts; and read, read, read everything I could get my hands on. I know the G-spot exists because it exists. That is how you know something exists. You do not however, deny the existence of something because, well, it's self-serving.
And in case you're thinking, “You've written some sex books and slept with some women. You're no doctor." You're right. But Juliana Morris, PhD, LMFT, LPC is. She's a credentialed therapist, academic, and a bona fide (s)expert, with decades of experience “counseling and supporting thousands of individuals and couples on their paths to discover and own their sexual agency."
Her thoughts on the G-Spot? “Yes, it exists. Better stated….every (biologically identified) woman has the potential for pleasure in an area within her vaginal cavity. That is how I describe it. An area of potential. I am confident it exists because of hundreds of interviews and work with women. Women who have experienced pleasure in an area within her 'accidently,' women who have made purposeful efforts to find pleasure in this area as a solo or partnered endeavor using specific techniques to maximize the potential of pleasure for her and hearing both groups describe the difference of pleasure from other orgasmic experiences."
The fact that some folks who have the audacity to call themselves “researchers" when they only had thirteen women in their study – THIRTEEN – decided there is no G-spot because they couldn't find one is idiocy. I have touched more than thirteen of them personally. Just all by myself, no research study – OR DOLLARS – required. Morris adds, “That study is inaccurate and is inherently flawed. In large part because of the belief that it functions like other pleasure organs. Mainly, however, because it is asking the wrong questions and using inadequate parameters to prove or disprove it."
I'll tell you what outranks that study by a zillion – reality. I have touched the G-spots of women I have loved, women I have hooked up with, and even women with whom I have taken Body Dodson's famed masturbation workshop Body Sex. Of course there's a G-spot. Don't be ridiculous.
This is just another chapter in the on-going saga of “men who don't want to learn about women's bodies or have women know about their own bodies so let's just call women frigid or broken or too complicated." We and our bodies are none of those things. Women who don't want to have sex aren't frigid. They are tired of showing up for an activity that feeds male pleasure and leaves them hanging because too many men have no idea how to work the equipment.
Women aren't broken. We don't have penises. We don't want or need penises. We have something WAY better. We have clitorises with 8,000 plus nerve endings and no other job other than to give us pleasure. And, no, our bodies aren't too complicated. All you have to do is ask. Believe me, if you care enough to ask, she'll be happy to tell you what rocks her world.
The thing is, men, who are in charge of the budgets and the research and the media and the message, get nothing for themselves – zero, zilch, nada – from teaching and promoting the truth about women's bodies and sexuality. Not to mention is that all men want to do is measure and quantify. No can do with the G-spot. But that doesn't matter one bit.
Morris explains, “I do believe the reason behind the quest to invalidate the G-spot area is heavily rooted in the misguided notion that a woman's pleasure experience cannot be measured or seen and thusly cannot exist. The antiquated medical and scientific views of research do not apply to the variance and contextual nuisances of womanhood and female pleasure. And that difference-from the male, medical model is threatening and challenging and for some in that world, easily dismissed. Or must be dismissed. Unexplained + variance +can't be seen/measure= bad, crazy, non-existent. And frankly…the scientific and medical world, especially male practitioners in general still exhibit a level of discomfort if not distaste for female pleasure."
On the other hand, straight men gain plenty from creating and feeding the myths. They can keep women feeling less-than and self-conscious and dirty and broken and thinking that they need a man, that they are lucky to even have one since they are so broken. Then men don't have to learn or put in any effort in the bedroom or anywhere else for that matter because they are, all puns intended, cock of the walk. Well, fuck that.
Listen up, ladies. There is nothing wrong with you. Not one damn thing. Your body and your clitoris and your vagina and your very much existing G-spot are all perfect and they are all yours. And while we're on the subject, you have every right to enjoy them on your own, with a partner, with many partners, within a loving relationship, just for fun, whatever.
Masturbate, make love, hook up, you do you. Literally. You don't need a man. You can want one. But you do not – I repeat, do not – in any way need a man for sexual pleasure. The penis is completely and totally unnecessary for female sexual pleasure. COMPLETELY UNNECESSARY. There are mouths and fingers and toys and even vegetables that are actually far better suited for the job.
Too much of this “there's no G-spot" nonsense comes from the fact that most folks don't even know the truth about the clitoris. That tiny little bud on the outside is the tip of the iceberg. The clitoris has long, internal legs. Think inverted wishbone.
Women have just as much – if not more – erectile tissue than men.
Women have just as much – if not more – erectile tissue than men. Women can experience gobs of pleasure when some penis isn't just using the vagina like some sort of masturbation sleeve, banging away until said penis is done. And – side note – when it's done it's done, unlike the mighty clitoris which requires zero recoup time. ZERO. Sure the G-stop is a relative of the clitoris. Regardless of who or what it's related to - it exists. Not every woman goes wild when her G-spot is stimulated. That is true. Not every women can identify her G-spot. That is true. But every woman does have a G-spot. You simply have be enough of a human being to care about women and their bodies and their pleasure to know that. People can tell you about Game of Thrones in minute detail but they don't know the difference between a vagina and a vulva. (The vagina is the internal canal. The vulva is the external bits.)
This is getting so idiotic. We don't need any more studies. We need people to start talking to and LISTENING to women. The very pussy owning humans themselves. Want to know the truth about women's bodies? Pay attention to the ones you are insanely lucky to be intimate with. This is all verifiable info. This is not some Lochness shit here. Come on.
Women need to know their bodies. Human need to know about women's bodies. “I think it is crucial for women to understand, deeply, the implications of our variance in anatomy and pleasure," says Morris. "Our variance needs to be acknowledged, understood, celebrated and validated. Our variance is indeed beautiful. Normal. Expected. No big deal. Some of our variance is rooted in evolutionary brilliance. Some of it is evolutionary irrelevance, and it just is. We all need a roadmap to examine our sexuality and pleasure and medical studies like this just distract us from the REAL research."
"That dream aside, pleasure is our birthright. We have the right to seek, enhance and experience pleasure. On our own terms and in our own way. Validating the existence for the potential for pleasure in this area is one area where women can choose to claim this collectively." -Juliana Morris
If you're a woman, grab a mirror and have a look. Masturbate, please. Insert your own fingers into your own vagina, curve it upwards, and two inches in, toward the front of your body, you will feel a patch of tissue with ridges on it. Play with it and it will expand. That's your G-spot. Insert a toy that vibrates to stimulate it. Insert the classic and most reliable toy on earth for masturbation, the Betty Dodson Barbell, and try out her Rock and Rock Method of masturbation. (You can thank me later.) And once you have done that, you will smack the face of anyone who tells you what body parts you don't have. And if someone argues with you, make a note to never, ever, ever have sex with them. Ever. And to those “researchers," get a real job. Women don't need anyone else telling us that we don't have body parts that we clearly do. We don't need anyone else chipping away at our self-esteem. We don't need any more sex shaming. And thirteen people? Really? Thirteen? Shame on you. You and your practices and your findings are ridiculous.
And to anyone who has the honor of engaging with a woman and her body, be respectful, pay attention, put your own pleasure on the back burner, remember that just because it feels good to you doesn't mean it does a damn thing for her, and for God's sake, listen – listen, listen, listen.
Yes, Virginia, there is a G-spot.