Dating and using dating websites shouldn't be hard work. While it's always nice to try and meet your special somebody online, putting too much pressure on yourself to see every potential match as 'The One' means you risk having your profile and communication with others tainted by desperation. Instead, it's much better to just take things as they come and enjoy the experience. There are tons of interesting people to meet on dating sites, and although not everybody is going to be the perfect partner for you, it can be a lot of fun to build your social circle and learn from any mistakes that you make along the way. But, you're here for one reason - finding the 'one' for you - so how can you get closer to achieving this online?
Choose the Right Dating Site:
The dating site that you sign up for will have a huge impact on the type of people that you meet. Some dating sites and apps are targeted towards people looking for casual hookups or no-strings-attached arrangements, which might work well for some but probably isn't for you if you are seriously searching for the one. Steer clear of dating apps that are based solely on physical attraction to profile pictures and opt for an online dating site like JustKiss.com. JustKiss uses matchmaking technology and requires users to answer several important questions about themselves in order to ensure that you are provided with matches that are well-suited to what you are looking for, making it easier for you to find somebody whose views, interests, beliefs, and opinions are aligned with yours.
Work On Yourself First:
Most mainstream dating advice centers around getting what you want from your mate, but remember, for somebody to be the one for you, you have got to be good for them too. Take some time to think about what you bring to a relationship and whether or not you're actually ready to date seriously; do you need more time to work on yourself? The best thing that you can do right now is getting to know yourself and become more comfortable with you. Figuring out your likes and dislikes, getting some interesting hobbies, and working through any issues you've got left over from past relationships and even your childhood are all great ways to spend your time as a single person that will ultimately make you more attractive to the right person when they come along.
Everybody is using online dating sites these days, so don't be too surprised if it sometimes feels like finding the ideal mate for you is like looking for a needle in a haystack. But, simply put, people who complain a lot and expect the worst tend to bring others down, so don't let it get to you. Avoid the temptation to write things like 'I'm not sure why I'm here' or 'I don't really think this is going to work' in your online dating profile; chances are it'll turn into a self-fulfilling prophecy. Thousands of people use online dating sites every day, so don't expect to meet your perfect match immediately, but you should definitely try and be more positive and upbeat about the experience rather than let it get you down.
Stand Out from the Crowd:
When it comes to online dating, it can be all too easy for your profile to get lost in a sea of users and the last thing that you want is for that person who is actually the 'one' for you to end up scrolling by. When it comes to creating your dating profile, try and do something different to stand out from the crowd. Selfies seem to be the photograph of choice on dating websites and apps and while there's nothing inherently wrong with them, opting for a selfie on your main photo is only probably going to make you blend in, so choose a picture of you doing something that you enjoy. Not only will it grab the interest of other users, but it's also a great conversation starter.
Keep Your Options Open:
Many people are naturally serial daters, where they feel most comfortable dating just one person at a time and seeing where that leads before they decide if it's worth continuing or not. If they decide not to continue with one date, it's time to move on to somebody else. However, spending any amount of time with somebody exclusively, only to find out that the two of you are wrong for each other, can be very frustrating. The ability to evaluate potential dates quickly is one of the most valuable benefits of online dating; you can chat with them online for a while to weigh them up and determine if it's worth taking further before arranging a phone call or even a meeting in person.
When dating online, it's a good idea to think of things in terms of 'first meetings' rather than first dates, and there's nothing wrong with keeping your options open and arranging to meet a few people - perhaps not all at the same time, though! If you feel that you have a better connection with one of your dates over the others, that might be the one to invest further time and effort into.
Keep Your Cool:
When you meet somebody who you really like and are getting on with well, it can be very tempting to get really excited about it. However, bear in mind that the very first person that you connect with online might not always be the best match for you; if you've met one person who you're attracted to and is attracted to you then it's very likely that there'll be others if this one doesn't work out. Keep your cool and enjoy the fun of filling up your social calendar and meeting new people, even if they don't end up being the person to settle down and spend the rest of your life with.
Last but not least, being your authentic self is the best thing that you can do when looking for your perfect match online. Resist the urge to exaggerate certain things about yourself in your profile or post photographs that don't look like you at all; there's nothing wrong with showing off your best side but the last thing that you want is for your date to have no idea who you are when you finally meet up with them in person. Pretending to be somebody that you're not is all too easy when you're dating online, but it's only going to complicate things if you end up meeting somebody that you really like and want to take things further with in the future.
Embrace yourself for who you are and have faith in the fact that the right person for you will like you for exactly that. Be enthusiastic about your hobbies, interests, passions, and goals, and remember that not everybody is going to like you or agree with you - and that's OK.
Dating online can often feel like navigating a minefield if you're looking for that special person to share your life with. Keep these tips in mind and choose a good dating site that will help you find the best potential matches.
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Help! My Friend Is a No Show
Dear Armchair Psychologist,
I have a friend who doesn't reply to my messages about meeting for dinner, etc. Although, last week I ran into her at a local restaurant of mine, it has always been awkward to be friends with her. Should I continue our friendship or discontinue it? We've been friends for a total four years and nothing has changed. I don't feel as comfortable with her as my other close friends, and I don't think I'll ever be able to reach that comfort zone in pure friendship.
Dear Sadsies,I am sorry to hear you've been neglected by your friend. You may already have the answer to your question, since you're evaluating the non-existing bond between yourself and your friend. However, I'll gladly affirm to you that a friendship that isn't reciprocated is not a good friendship.
I have had a similar situation with a friend whom I'd grown up with but who was also consistently a very negative person, a true Debby Downer. One day, I just had enough of her criticism and vitriol. I stopped making excuses for her and dumped her. It was a great decision and I haven't looked back. With that in mind, it could be possible that something has changed in your friend's life, but it's insignificant if she isn't responding to you. It's time to dump her and spend your energy where it's appreciated. Don't dwell on this friend. History is not enough to create a lasting bond, it only means just that—you and your friend have history—so let her be history!
- The Armchair Psychologist