With men making up the majority of those in the tech space, it's no surprise that there are still major challenges that women face in the industry. The value of having women in the tech space is undeniable - given that women make up more than half of the U.S. workforce. Nonetheless, being a woman never held me back – and it doesn't have to hamper your career either. In fact, I excelled at my job because of the women who came before me, and my personal determination to succeed.
Throughout my career, I've learned a few things that helped me embrace my gender, become a strong leader in tech and also help my fellow female counterparts along the way.
Take Advantage of New Technical Background Opportunities:
'You should never be afraid and think that just because there are fewer women in tech, that the guys are better than you. You are capable of the same. Don't overthink it, just go for it.'
There are several factors that prevent women from pursuing a career in tech. With less than half of computer science students being women, many women that might have an interest in tech may think they don't have the right educational background to pursue a career in the industry. However, just because you didn't graduate with an education in tech, doesn't mean it's too late to jump in the tech space. In fact, there are many postgraduate programs that people interested in tech can pursue to strengthen their skills. Likewise, there are companies in the space that are looking for new diverse talent that offer to teach their employees how to code and learn new skill sets.
My advice to young women interested in pursuing a tech career, who didn't graduate with a computer science degree, is to not be intimidated and consider it to be too late. Look into programs online or in your city that can help you gain the technical background you desire.
We're In This Together:
Starting and maintaining a successful career can be siloed and as women, we often try to resolve issues and roadblocks on our own. I have found throughout my career that having the right role models and peer network group is a vital element of having an enjoyable and fruitful career.
There are many ways to build a network that can help you solve workplace issues, support you as you are taking on a new challenge and even swap stories and relate to during your career. This includes finding a mentor who has already navigated the same career path you are hoping to achieve. Having someone on your side that has already paved the way gives you a resource to turn to when problems arise or when you need to weigh career options.
Secondly, I have found it helpful to have peers supporting me who are on the same career trajectory as me, but not necessarily working at the same company or tech space like myself. These women in my life are often the ears that listen to me talk through daily work events and I know can relate to anything I am going through professionally.
Lastly, there are so many larger networking groups and organizations that offer regular events and meetups to connect with other professionals and leaders in the tech space. I find it refreshing to tap into these networks and meet with other women I might not otherwise know to hear their stories and learn about their approaches to their careers. I have also found that through these connections women have a great opportunity to learn about available job positions in the tech world and get their foot in the door. A few organizations that have helped me include Techstars, Woman in Hardware in NY, Hardware Club, and New Lab.
Acknowledging Gender/Unconscious Bias:
'Being a great female leader is not trying to mirror a man.'
It's important that while we celebrate all the achievements women in tech have accomplished these past few decades, we need to have an ongoing conversation about all that still needs work.
Although I have had a successful career in tech and secured a seat at the table, I've still faced situations where I was the only woman in the room. At first, I thought the best approach to navigate this was to change and morph my leadership and work style to fit my male counterparts. I quickly learned though that my sex isn't a problem that needs to be fixed, it is a fact that needs to be embraced. As women, even if we are the only representation in the room, it is important that we maintain our personalities and approaches and let our capabilities strengths shine through rather than projecting what we think others want to see.
In addition to staying true to myself and embracing my gender, I have also learned that it is imperative that acknowledge unconscious bias head-on rather than letting it continue. There have been many times in my career when I have faced unconscious bias where individuals have taken a different approach to me vs my male counterparts. It is easy to let these moments pass by and certainly can be less awkward, but I have learned that if I don't speak up and address these issues we won't change behavior and change the world for better opportunity and equality.
Paving the Path for Tomorrow's Women:
Having the confidence to pursue a career that is male-focused, embrace your gender even if you are the only woman at the table or to speak up when you experience unconscious bias takes a lot of courage. I've learned though that staying focused and continuing to work hard for my dreams has led me to have the career that I want leading a rising tech company and also has helped me pave the way for women to follow. When I get discouraged or think it would be easier to stay in the shadows, I always think that if I don't do it now, how will the future get brighter for women in tech?
Serena Williams said it best - "I embrace being a leader and continuing to pave the way for the next generation."
The more we do today will only bring more opportunities to women in tech tomorrow.
The Armchair Psychologist has all the answers you need!
Help! I'm Stumped By Sperm
Dear Armchair Psychologist,
I just started intermittent fasting and things have been going well so far. Like I already noticed a few pounds off. BUT! I'm afraid it's taking a toll on my relatively new relationship. With intermittent fasting, I'm supposed to stop eating at 8pm and begin again at noon the following day. My boyfriend prefers PM BJs and I'm wondering if semen consumption will affect my fasts?
- Calorie Counter
Dear Calorie Counter,
I'm happy to hear that you're staying healthy during the quarantine and that both your sex drives are intact. The popular intermittent fasting, which requires cycles of fasting, has many proven health benefits, and it's great that you're achieving the results you want. I'm no "jiz wiz," but I'd imagine not swallowing his semen may be an option? Though you're not alone in being stumped by sperm and its effects on your health. (To be clear, sperm is the reproductive cell and semen is the fluid that keeps it all moving.) A myriad of chat rooms are devoted to this very topic of fasting and semen.
I once dated an unhealthy eater and remember distinctly feeling compromised by his output, thinking I'd become contaminated. Thankfully, according to Dr Justin Lehmiller of Sex and Psychology, "It is pretty clear that as long as the male partner is uninfected and the receptive partner is not allergic to his semen (HSP) it is unlikely that swallowing semen will have any negative effects on one's health."
While semen does contain fructose, amino acids, proteins, and more, it's still mostly 80% water, so not a very high caloric intake unless you swallow gallons. The amount of calories consumed from swallowing semen is very negligible (1-7 calories). Each ejaculation is generally from 1/4 of a teaspoon to 1 teaspoon in size. However, swallowing semen digests in the same way as food, so it is true that you're technically breaking your fast.
I'm also assuming that your sex acts are mutually agreed upon. If they aren't and you feel forced into something that you aren't comfortable with, I recommended you seek help with a qualified therapist.
Since your fast is for purely personal health purposes, (during a religious fast, for example, you'd technically be breaking fast by swallowing semen), I think it may be worth consuming a few calories to keep your sex life alive in these trying times. But if you insist on not breaking your fast, just spit it out and don't quench the appetite for fire and desire!
- The Armchair Psychologist
Help! I'm Sick Of Talking Sick!
Dear Armchair Psychologist,
My fiance and I live apart due to immigration proceedings. The problem is that COVID-19 is dulling our passion. How do we keep things hot and spicy when we're thousands of miles away and all we seem to talk about is this freaking pandemic? We can't even get into doing sexy videos, because we've got COVID on the brain. And we're very sexual like 50 shades of you know what…
- Shut Up Already
Dear Shut Up Already,
I'm sorry you're frustrated and can't seem to escape the COVID-19 topic. Many of us are in the same boat, and it's easy for our anxieties and fears to rule us during these trying times. I also have an unhealthy obsession with the virus, and it partly stems from the fear of dying. Anytime someone young without underlying medical conditions dies, I am both mystified and terrified, thinking it could happen to me.
If your fiance is genuinely immobilized and hindered by his fears, it is wise to suggest he sees a licensed professional to address this. Otherwise, it's important to listen to him and let him safely discuss his thoughts. We rely on our partners to hear us and to love us, even if we may not share their sentiments ourselves. His circumstances in his location may also differ from yours, which might lend a different perspective. Regardless, you should get your sex life back. There are many tactful ways of changing subjects to get your mojo back on. The word "anyhoo" has worked wonders for some.
There's also this great book "Staying Sane in an Insane World: A Prescription for Even Better Mental Health" by family therapist Kiaundra Jackson that offers lots of tips on how to change the subjects gracefully. ANYHOO, hope this works and you can both get back to your 50 shades of something...
- The Armchair Psychologist