#SWAAYthenarrative

I Was Told I Was Too Young To Be Ambitious

#SWAAYthenarrative

Lauren Maillian, 32


Marketing Maven and Brand Strategist, Founder and CEO, LMB Group

Having begun her entrepreneurial crusade at 19, it was inevitable that Lauren Maillian would become a marketing and branding powerhouse if only because she was able to begin a successful business while simultaneously tackling her first year of undergraduate studies. "Sometimes you have to crouch before you conquer," says Maillian, who went on to build an enviable empire. Now, not only is she a go-to branding consultant, TV star and author, but she’s also a rockstar mom of two, proving how symbiotic the relationship can be between entrepreneurship and motherhood.

1. What made you choose this career path? What has been your greatest achievement?

I like to think that this career path chose me. I have always been a connector of people and ever since I was a child I was incredibly inquisitive. My curiosity and empathy has been the hallmark of my ability to story-tell so masterfully. Getting people's attention and keeping them engaged is the cornerstone of a great marketer and that has always been me. Personally, my greatest achievement is my two children. Professionally, my greatest achievement has been my bestselling book, The Path Redefined because I know that I've positively impacted countless women around the world who are trying to find their purpose amidst building a career and often a family.

"Personally, my greatest achievement is my two children."

2. What’s the biggest criticism/stereotype/judgement you’ve faced in your career?

Although I’ve never actually been told to my face that I couldn't do or achieve something because of X, Y or Z, I’ve always been doubted. I almost wish that someone would have explicitly told me why they thought I wouldn't achieve something so I could prove them wrong!

I know that as a black woman, the bar is always higher, the scrutiny even more intense, the microscope amplified on your every move. It's always been an implied bias that I've had to work against everyday, and it's just par for the course.

3. What was the hardest part of overcoming this negativity? Do you have an anecdote you can share?

I've achieved a great deal of success at an early age, so being young, more specifically, too young to accomplish X has always been the background music to my life's playlist. Best piece of advice I can share with other young ambitious women is a quote from my book, The Path Redefined, "sometimes you have to crouch before you conquer."

"I know that as a black woman, the bar is always higher, the scrutiny even more intense, the microscope amplified on your every move. It’s always been an implied bias that I’ve had to work against everyday."

4. How did you #SWAAYthenarrative? What was the reaction by those who told you you “couldn’t” do it?

I #SWAAYthenarrative everyday just by being present in the world and by fully showing up as who I genuinely am. I feel that my inclusion at the table--through board meetings, companies, campaigns, press, and keynote speeches--was my way to change the minds of those around me. By merely showing up and doing the work, I was swaaying the narrative and defying stereotypes.

5. What’s your number one piece of advice to women discouraged by preconceived notions and society’s limitations?

Don't be discouraged! There has never been a better time to be a woman determined to succeed. We all need to keep fighting and earning our way to the top so that we can open all the doors that have been closed for other women to come join us at the top because they've earned it!

3 Min Read
Lifestyle

Tempted To Dial Your Ex: 5 Ways To Know Whether Or Not You Should Contact An Old Flame

Thinking of ringing up your ex during these uncertain times? Maybe you want an excuse to contact your ex, or maybe you genuinely feel the need to connect with someone on an emotional level. As a matchmaker and relationship expert, I was surprised at the start of the coronavirus quarantine when friends were telling me that they were contacting their exes! But as social distancing has grown to be more than a short-term situation, we must avoid seeking short-term solutions—and resist the urge to dial an ex.

It stands to reason that you would contact an ex for support. After all, who knows you and your fears better than an ex? This all translates into someone who you think can provide comfort and support. As a matchmaker, I already know that people can spark and ignite relationships virtually that can lead to offline love, but lonely singles didn't necessarily believe this or understand this initially, which drives them straight back to a familiar ex. You only need to tune into Love Is Blind to test this theory or look to Dina Lohan and her virtual boyfriend.

At the start of lockdown, singles were already feeling lonely. There were studies that said as much as 3 out of 4 people were lonely, and that was before lockdown. Singles were worried that dating someone was going to be off limits for a very long time. Now when you factor in a widespread pandemic and the psychological impact that hits when you have to be in isolation and can't see anyone but your takeout delivery person, we end up understanding this urge to contact an ex.

So, what should you do if you are tempted to ring up an old flame? How do you know if it's the wrong thing or the right thing to do in a time like this? Check out a few of my points before deciding on picking up that phone to text, much less call an ex.

Before You Dial The Ex...

First, you need to phone a friend! It's the person that got you through this breakup to begin with. Let them remind you of the good, the bad and the ugly before taking this first step and risk getting sucked back in.

What was the reason for your breakup? As I mentioned before, you could get sucked back in… but that might not be a bad thing. It depends; when you phoned that friend to remind you, did she remind you of good or bad things during the breakup? It's possible that you both just had to take jobs in different cities, and the breakup wasn't due to a problem in the relationship. Have these problems resolved if there were issues?

You want to come from a good place of reflection and not let bad habits make the choice for you.

Depending on the reason for the breakup, set your boundaries for how much contact beforehand. If there was abuse or toxic behaviors in the relationship, don't even go there. You can't afford to repeat this relationship again.

If you know you shouldn't be contacting this ex but feel lonely, set up a support system ahead of time. Set up activities or things to fall back on to resist the urge. Maybe you phone a different friend, join a virtual happy hour for singles, or binge watch Netflix. Anything else is acceptable, but don't phone that ex.

Write down your reasons for wanting to contact the ex. Ask yourself if this is worth the pain. Are you flea-bagging again, or is there a friendship to be had, which will provide you with genuine comfort? If it's the latter, it's okay to go there. If it's an excuse to go back together and make contact, don't.

Decide how far you are willing to take the relationship this time, without it being a rinse and repeat. If you broke up for reasons beyond your control, it's okay. If your ex was a serial cheater, phone a friend instead.

If there was abuse or toxic behaviors in the relationship, don't even go there. You can't afford to repeat this relationship again.

As life returns to a more normal state and you adjust to the new normal, we will slowly begin to notice more balance in our lives. You want to come from a good place of reflection and not let bad habits make the choice for you. Some do's and don'ts for this time would be:

  • Do: exercise ⁠— taking care of you is important during this time. It's self-care and maintaining a healthy lifestyle.
  • Do: shower, brush your teeth, and get out of your sweats.
  • Don't: be a couch potato.
  • Don't: drink or eat excessively during this time. Again, remember to maintain a healthy lifestyle.
  • Do: think positive thoughts everyday and write down the 3 things you are grateful for. Look at the impact of John Krasinksi's SGN. It's uplifting and when you feel good, you won't want to slide backwards.
  • Don't: contact a toxic ex. It's a backward move in a moment of uncertainty that could have a long term impact. Why continue flea bagging yourself?