Lindsay Coke, 32
Trainer/Motivator/Amateur Boxer/Pilates Instructor
Lindsay Coke is the embodiment of female strength. Known as the “boxing blonde,” Coke is also a certified pilates instructor and Lululemon ambassador with a mission to empower women. Although she initially faced criticism about her career path, she responded by doing what she does best - fighting back. “Self accepting and esteem are the most valuable tools any person could ever possess,” says Coke. “This is your life.”
1. What made you choose this career path? What has been your greatest achievement?
I don’t know that I chose this career path as much as it chose me. I have always been an active human and some may say, kind of bossy. I've played sports and been on teams for a majority of my life. I see now that it was only natural for me to find a career path that incorporated my love for movement, my leadership skills, and a work uniform made mostly of elastic. I come from an extremely small family, and I truly believe that I have made it a mission to create that family energy and tribe mentality through my work. I am blessed to not only get to be a teacher for a living but also a student for life.
2. What’s the biggest criticism/stereotype/judgement you’ve faced in your career?
Girls aren’t tough enough to be in the boxing world. Ha! We have been fighters since birth!!! Every single person in this world is a fighter of some kind, either for something, against something, or for survival. Now that boxing is becoming more and more popular there are people out there trying regulate who’s in or out. That is probably why I am so partial to the sport, because it’s primal. It’s not about making the team or not, it’s about knowing how to tap into your instincts and use yourself accordingly in any situation. To me…if you’re breathing, you’re fighting.
"Every single person in this world is a fighter of some kind, either for something, against something, or for survival."
3. What was the hardest part of overcoming this negativity? Do you have an anecdote you can share?
I have always been the shortest person on the team, the kid in the front row of the school pictures, and the easiest arm rest for those over 5’9. I am big person in a little person’s body. I was told I wasn’t a strong runner because I didn’t have a “runners body”. I was treated as a slow pack mule doing manual labor, only ever getting to admire those that were considered the race horses.
4. How did you #SWAAYthenarrative? What was the reaction by those who told you you “couldn’t” do it?
I let swaaying BE my narrative. Tell me I won’t or I can’t and it's like putting jet fuel in my tank. I thrive off swaying haters and naysayers. "Running just isn’t in your DNA”, I was told. Well not only do I have short little “non runner” legs, but they are pretty deviant. They had no problem carrying me 26.2 miles in 4 hours and 20 minutes for the 2016 LA marathon. I have discovered that the ones that want to see you fall are usually the ones that are at the bottom of the stairs afraid to take the first step.
After I finished the race, I could see that the doubt and judgment that was once pointed in my direction is truly just a personal reflection of the way they feel about themselves. Self accepting and esteem are the most valuable tools any person could ever possess.
5. What’s your number one piece of advice to women discouraged by preconceived notions and society’s limitations?
Be your #1 fan. Don’t hold that space for someone else. We are not defined by how others experience us.
This is your life, live it out loud, unapologetically. I will leave you with one of my all time favorite quotes: “A successful person is one who can lay a firm foundation with the bricks that others have thrown at him or her."
"I have discovered that the ones that want to see you fall are usually the ones that are at the bottom of the stairs afraid to take the first step."
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Help! My Friend Is a No Show
Dear Armchair Psychologist,
I have a friend who doesn't reply to my messages about meeting for dinner, etc. Although, last week I ran into her at a local restaurant of mine, it has always been awkward to be friends with her. Should I continue our friendship or discontinue it? We've been friends for a total four years and nothing has changed. I don't feel as comfortable with her as my other close friends, and I don't think I'll ever be able to reach that comfort zone in pure friendship.
Dear Sadsies,I am sorry to hear you've been neglected by your friend. You may already have the answer to your question, since you're evaluating the non-existing bond between yourself and your friend. However, I'll gladly affirm to you that a friendship that isn't reciprocated is not a good friendship.
I have had a similar situation with a friend whom I'd grown up with but who was also consistently a very negative person, a true Debby Downer. One day, I just had enough of her criticism and vitriol. I stopped making excuses for her and dumped her. It was a great decision and I haven't looked back. With that in mind, it could be possible that something has changed in your friend's life, but it's insignificant if she isn't responding to you. It's time to dump her and spend your energy where it's appreciated. Don't dwell on this friend. History is not enough to create a lasting bond, it only means just that—you and your friend have history—so let her be history!
- The Armchair Psychologist