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I Was Told I Was 'Too Pink' To Be Boss

#SWAAYthenarrative

Cindy Eckert, 44


CEO

Thinking pink is a way of life for Cindy Whitehead. The spirited pharma-tech entrepreneur, known for her liberal use of the color pink and for the $1B sale of her female sexual health company, is laser-focused on helping female entrepreneurs flourish. In 2016, she founded The Pink Ceiling, an innovative incubator which looks to build female-lead brands into success stories. “For those who thought I couldn’t do it,” says Whitehead, “I’d say the same thing to them today that I said then….watch me.”

1. What made you choose this career path? What has been your greatest achievement?

Maybe entrepreneurship chose me? I most certainly didn’t fit in conventional corporate environments and was exasperated with the homogeneity and unwritten rules of how things get done. I recognized that ownership was my path to freedom; freedom to do things on my own terms, freedom to surround myself with other misfits who wanted to change how things get done and financial freedom.

"After building and selling two businesses, my greatest accomplishment is the ripple effect of ownership. I love watching the power that ownership has given to my employees to do their best work, to follow their passions and to pay it forward."

After building and selling two businesses, my greatest accomplishment is the ripple effect of ownership. I love watching the power that ownership has given to my employees to do their best work, to follow their passions and to pay it forward. That is the very basis of what I do today at The Pink Ceiling/Pinkubator--propel power through ownership. I’m going to help other female-focused businesses to have outcomes like mine and delight in watching each of their ripple effects.

2. What’s the biggest criticism/stereotype/judgement you’ve faced in your career?

I was told I was too Pink to be Boss. Now I have lipstick in that custom shade.

"I was told I was too Pink to be Boss. Now I have lipstick in that custom shade."

3. What was the hardest part of overcoming this negativity? Do you have an anecdote you can share?

If you were to introduce an audience to a pharmaceutical CEO who has built and sold two businesses, the last for $1B, do you think they’d ever expect me to walk onto stage? Never. Now picture that for every major career milestone of my life! Bottom line, I am unexpected; I am pink in a sea of gray and blue suits. The fact that I don’t fit ensures that I will be underestimated, and the fun is letting that reality fuel me. I learned a long time ago to not allow underestimation to fill me with self doubt, but rather to harness it for the element of surprise when I show up and kill with competence.

4. How did you #SWAAYthenarrative? What was the reaction by those who told you you “couldn’t” do it?

I went right toward it.

With stereotypes you have two choices; you can rail against them to prove they are incorrect or you can go directly toward them since it’s obviously the conversation we need to be having. I show up in blazing hot pink. Always. I like pink and no one is going to take that away from me. When people called my medication the “little pink pill” the only thing missing was the dismissive pat on the shoulder.

So, I went to FDA meetings in hot pink since it was the dismissiveness of women’s sexual health that needed discussing. Pink to me is about owning it as a woman - and all you uniquely have to offer. For those who thought I couldn’t do it, I’d say the same thing to them today that I said then….watch me.

5. What’s your number one piece of advice to women discouraged by preconceived notions and society’s limitations?

I feel strongly that society is full of “unwritten rules” that hold women back. If a ‘rule' exists for absolutely no good reason at all, break it. Let the injustice ignite you.

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What I Learned About Marriage as a Survivor of Abuse

Marriage can be a tightrope act: when everything is in balance, it is bliss and you feel safe, but once things get shaky, you are unsure about next steps. Add outside forces into the equation like kids, work, finances or a personal crisis and now there's a strong chance that you'll need extra support to keep you from falling.


My husband and I are no strangers to misunderstandings, which are expected in any relationship, but after 7 years of marriage, we were really being tested on how strong our bond was and it had nothing to do with the "7-year itch"--it was when I was diagnosed with PTSD. As a survivor of child sexual abuse who is a perfectionist, I felt guilty about not being the "perfect partner" in our relationship; frustrated that I might be triggered while being intimate; and worried about being seen as broken or weak because of panic attacks. My defense mechanism is to not need anyone, yet my biggest fear is often abandonment.

I am not a trained therapist or relationship expert, but since 2016, I have learned a lot about managing survivorship and PTSD triggers while being in a heterosexual marriage, so I am now sharing some of my practical relationship advice to the partners of survivors to support my fellow female survivors who may be struggling to have a stronger voice in their relationship. Partners of survivors have needs too during this process, but before those needs can be met, they need to understand how to support their survivor partner, and it isn't always an easy path to navigate.

To my fellow survivor sisters in romantic relationships, I write these tips from the perspective of giving advice to your partner, so schedule some quality time to talk with your boo and read these tips together.

I challenge you both to discuss if my advice resonates with you or not! Ultimately, it will help both of you develop an open line of communication about needs, boundaries, triggers and loving one another long-term.

1. To Be or Not to Be Sexy: Your survivor partner probably wants to feel sexy, but is ambivalent about sex. She was a sexual object to someone else and that can wreak havoc on her self-esteem and intimate relationships. She may want you to find her sexy and yet not want to actually be intimate with you. Talk to her about her needs in the bedroom, what will make her feel safe, what will make her feel sexy but not objectified, and remind her that you are attracted to her for a multitude or reasons--not just because of her physical appearance.

2. Safe Words = Safer Sex: Believe it or not, your partner's mind is probably wondering while you are intimate (yep, she isn't just thinking about how amazing you are, ha!). Negative thoughts can flash through her mind depending on her body position, things you say, how she feels, etc. Have a word that you agree on that she can say if she needs a break. It could be as simple as "pause," but it needs to be respected and not questioned so that she knows when it is used, you won't assume that you can sweet talk her into continuing. This doesn't have to be a bedroom only rule. Daytime physical touch or actions could warrant the safe word, as well.

3. Let Her Reconnect: Both partners need attention in a relationship, but sometimes a survivor is distracted. Maybe she was triggered that day, feels sad or her defense mechanisms are up because you did something to upset her and you didn't even know it (and she doesn't know how to explain what happened). If she is distant, ask her if she needs some time alone. Maybe she does, maybe she doesn't, but acknowledging that you can sense some internal conflict will go a long way. Sometimes giving her the space to reconnect with herself before expecting her to be able to focus on you/your needs is just what she needs to be reminded that she is safe and loved in this relationship.

4. Take the 5 Love Languages(r) Test: If you haven't read this book yet or taken the test, please at the very least take the free quiz to learn your individual love language. My top love language was Touch and Words of Affirmation before remembering my abuse and thereafter it became Acts of Service and Words of Affirmation. Knowing how your survivor partner prefers to be shown love goes a long way and it will in turn help your needs be met, as they might be different.

5. Be Patient: I know it might be frustrating at times and you can't possibly totally understand what your survivor partner is going through, but patience goes a long way. If your survivor partner is going through the early stages of PTSD, she feels like a lot of her emotional well-being is out of her control. Panic attacks are scary and there are triggers everywhere in society. For example, studies have shown that sexual references are made anywhere from 8 to 10 times during one hour of prime time television (source: Journal of Broadcasting & Electronic Media). My husband is now on high alert when we watch TV and film. He quickly paused a Game of Thrones episode when we started season 2 because he realized a potentially violent sexual scene was coming up, and ultimately we turned it off and never watched the series again. He didn't make a big deal about it and I was relieved.

6. Courage to Heal, Together: The Courage to Heal book has been around for many years and it supported me well during the onset of my first flashbacks of my abuse. At the back of the book is a partners section for couples to read together. I highly recommend it so that you can try to understand from a psychological, physical and emotional stand point what your survivor partner is grappling with and how the two of you can support one another on the path of healing and enjoying life together.