For as long as I can remember I've been drawn to art and fashion as a means of self-expression. When I was four my uncle called me “The Big Shoe Lady" because I was always dressing up in my mom's clothes and heels, scooting around our house. My mom was a hairstylist and had built a home salon so she could raise my brother and I.
I remember watching her cut, color and style her clients hair. It was amazing to witness how much she helped brighten their day, not just by transforming their look, but by creating a space for them to express themselves,to be seen and to be heard. Not only did they trust her with their hair, they also felt safe enough to share some of their most vulnerable stories and experiences. After each appointment, her clients would walk out with a newfound self-esteem and empowerment because it was like she was giving them both a makeover and therapy session at once. Seeing her ability to help uplift their spirit and self confidence inspired me to want to have that kind of impact too. Between her creativity, compassion and loving heart, I had big shoes to fill.
When I was 14 I started my first job at a women's clothing boutique. By this age I was making art out of anything and everything I could- painting, drawing, photography, sewing and altering clothes. I loved curating the shop and helping customers pick out outfits that made them feel confident and beautiful. While I really enjoyed all of the creative aspects of the job, the dressing room was a very vulnerable place, and I witnessed the immense pressure that women of all ages, shapes, sizes and colors face to conform to society's beauty standards. Although it was my job to sell clothes, I put my heart into finding them the fiercest outfit possible to help them transform their insecurities and fear into confidence. This is where my passion for supporting women started to sprout. I had watched my mom uplift women through her craft and I wanted to use my art as a means of empowering people as well.
I fell in love with the therapeutic process of designing and styling people and the experience of evoking emotion, so I started collaborating with friends on different projects. My senior year of high school I put together a mixed media portfolio and dreamt of going to an art college, but all of the schools that I wanted to attend were not financially feasible. My parents wanted me to study business or something more practical than art, but I decided to apply for a full scholarship competition to study design and visual communications in San Francisco. And, I won! The submission was a short fashion film that I directed and styled and my friend Sara helped shoot and edit. We became close friends during this time and decided to move up to San Francisco together when I started school.
"These ladies were unapologetically themselves and designing their lives on their own terms. After getting to know them, we saw that our fears and obstacles were so similar. Through our conversations, we were able to learn different ways to overcome them" - Holli Rae (Photo Courtesy Carl Kerridge)
While living in the city for few couple of years, Sara and I were constantly inspired by the multifaceted women we met everywhere we went. They were artists, doctors, mothers, chefs, healers, business owners, lawyers, community leaders and so much more. These ladies were unapologetically themselves and designing their lives on their own terms. After getting to know them, we saw that our fears and obstacles were so similar. Through our conversations, we were able to learn different ways to overcome them. We realized how empowering it is to hear stories from people that you can relate to, and we wondered why so many women's experiences and perspectives were missing from mainstream media.
Like many of us young girls seeking advice and inspiration, I grew up looking to television, movies and magazines to find role models, but I rarely found any famous women that I could relate to. The more we started to talk about this, the more we realized that others felt this way too.
"Movies play a huge role in shaping our culture, and nearly every woman we knew felt frustrated by the constant bombardment of the same stereotypical roles, photoshopped images and unrealistic beauty standards." - Holli Rae
"Each day brought new challenges, but we kept driving with the knowing in our hearts that our intuitions would guide the way" - Holli Rae (Photo Courtesy of The Goddess Project)
Although neither of us had ever made a feature-length film before, Sara and I decided to stop complaining about the lack of representation and to start doing something about it. We made a pact to set our fears aside and travel from coast to coast interviewing other women who were doing the same. I dropped out of school, we sold all of our belongings at a yard sale party and had a successful crowdfunding campaign to fund the project. We hit the road in a mini school bus that was serendipitously donated to us by a stranger with a heart of gold named Chirp. Driven by our desire to see a broader spectrum of female role models in the media, we set out to talk to inspiring women from all walks of life about their paths to self-discovery.
At the beginning of our journey, we met an incredible painter named Michelle Robinson who transformed #TheGoddessBus with her artwork into a goddess billboard on wheels. As we made our way across the country, our beautifully painted bus attracted people everywhere we went. This was almost always a blessing, but sometimes a curse (like when trying to locate an incognito spot to park overnight). We met women to film at coffee shops, at rest stops, and even through Twitter while driving on the highway.
It only took a couple of weeks being on the road to realize that living out of a bus during the hot summer while making a movie was going to be a lot more challenging than we had anticipated. The vehicle itself had about six by ten feet of living space and none of the amenities we had grown accustomed to in our daily lives. All we had was our camera equipment, a bed, two drawers for our clothes, a cabinet to hold dry food and a cutting board that doubled as a desk. It was basically like camping in a hot tin box. Not to mention, we went from taking public transportation everyday to learning how to fuel and operate a veggie oil powered school bus practically overnight. All while filming and editing interviews, and finding a new place to park in every city. Each day brought new challenges, but we kept driving with the knowing in our hearts that our intuitions would guide the way.
"Connecting with women across the country opened our eyes to so many new possibilities. As we got to know each of them, we discovered how similar many our goals and struggles were. We realized that although our individual paths look so different from the outside, there are threads that connect us all."
We interviewed artists, mothers, healers, businesswomen and scholars about the life-changing experiences that shaped them to become who they are today. The filming process was unique, because we were just a team of two on the road. No staging, lighting, make-up artist, sound engineer or fancy crew. It was less like a movie set and more like a conversation between girlfriends because we were sharing our story with them too.
Connecting with women across the country opened our eyes to so many new possibilities. As we got to know each of them, we discovered how similar many our goals and struggles were. We realized that although our individual paths look so different from the outside, there are threads that connect us all. I think I shed tears during almost every interview because I was just so touched by how open the women were with us after just meeting. We laughed together, we cried together, and it got really real.
By the end of the trip we traveled 10,000 miles, interviewed over 100 women and filmed 300 hours of footage to create the feature documentary. We then spent four years editing and working with a team of artists and animators from around the world to help illustrate women's stories. Since the film's completion in 2017, The Goddess Project has screened in over 250 venues around the world, inspiring conversations about empathy, sisterhood, and vulnerability in all kinds of venues from theaters, yoga studios, universities, and festivals to conferences, women's shelters, prisons and more.
"Our paths are a series of moments and choices, and it is incredible to look back and see what has led me here today" - Holli Rae
I never imagined I'd become a filmmaker, but as life unfolds I've spent the past six years learning how to produce, direct, market and distribute a social impact documentary project from scratch. To say I was naive getting into this would be an understatement. I never realized that making a film could be as difficult or rewarding as it has been, but I know that none of this would have been possible if we didn't commit to being fiercely vulnerable in pursuit of this vision.
"Our paths are a series of moments and choices, and it is incredible to look back and see what has led me here today" - Holli Rae (Photo Courtesy of The Goddess Project)
Our paths are a series of moments and choices, and it is incredible to look back and see what has led me here today. I never imagined I'd become a filmmaker, but as life unfolds I've spent the past six years learning how to produce, direct, market and distribute a social impact documentary project from scratch. To say I was naive getting into this would be an understatement. I never realized that making a film could be as difficult or rewarding as it has been, but I know that none of this would have been possible if we didn't commit to being fiercely vulnerable in pursuit of this vision.
Being open and honest is the greatest gift you can give to yourself and others. Vulnerability is strength, and the more transparent we can be, the more we can deeply connect with everyone around us and create a more harmonious world.
For decades, women have been unknowingly suffering from PSD and intergenerational trauma, but now Dr. Valerie Rein wants women to reclaim their power through mind, body and healing tools.
As women, no matter how many accomplishments we have or how successful we look on the outside, we all occasionally hear that nagging internal voice telling us to do more. We criticize ourselves more than anyone else and then throw ourselves into the never-ending cycle of self-care, all in effort to save ourselves from crashing into this invisible internal wall. According to psychologist, entrepreneur and author, Dr. Valerie Rein, these feelings are not your fault and there is nothing wrong with you— but chances are you definitely suffering from Patriarchy Stress Disorder.
Patriarchy Stress Disorder (PSD) is defined as the collective inherited trauma of oppression that forms an invisible inner barrier to women's happiness and fulfillment. The term was coined by Rein who discovered a missing link between trauma and the effects that patriarchal power structures have had on certain groups of people all throughout history up until the present day. Her life experience, in addition to research, have led Rein to develop a deeper understanding of the ways in which men and women are experiencing symptoms of trauma and stress that have been genetically passed down from previously oppressed generations.
What makes the discovery of this disorder significant is that it provides women with an answer to the stresses and trauma we feel but cannot explain or overcome. After being admitted to the ER with stroke-like symptoms one afternoon, when Rein noticed the left side of her body and face going numb, she was baffled to learn from her doctors that the results of her tests revealed that her stroke-like symptoms were caused by stress. Rein was then left to figure out what exactly she did for her clients in order for them to be able to step into the fullness of themselves that she was unable to do for herself. "What started seeping through the tears was the realization that I checked all the boxes that society told me I needed to feel happy and fulfilled, but I didn't feel happy or fulfilled and I didn't feel unhappy either. I didn't feel much of anything at all, not even stress," she stated.
Photo Courtesy of Dr. Valerie Rein
This raised the question for Rein as to what sort of hidden traumas women are suppressing without having any awareness of its presence. In her evaluation of her healing methodology, Rein realized that she was using mind, body and trauma healing tools with her clients because, while they had never experienced a traumatic event, they were showing the tell-tale symptoms of trauma which are described as a disconnect from parts of ourselves, body and emotions. In addition to her personal evaluation, research at the time had revealed that traumatic experiences are, in fact, passed down genetically throughout generations. This was Rein's lightbulb moment. The answer to a very real problem that she, and all women, have been experiencing is intergenerational trauma as a result of oppression formed under the patriarchy.
Although Rein's discovery would undoubtably change the way women experience and understand stress, it was crucial that she first broaden the definition of trauma not with the intention of catering to PSD, but to better identify the ways in which trauma presents itself in the current generation. When studying psychology from the books and diagnostic manuals written exclusively by white men, trauma was narrowly defined as a life-threatening experience. By that definition, not many people fit the bill despite showing trauma-like symptoms such as disconnections from parts of their body, emotions and self-expression. However, as the field of psychology has expanded, more voices have been joining the conversations and expanding the definition of trauma based on their lived experience. "I have broadened the definition to say that any experience that makes us feel unsafe psychically or emotionally can be traumatic," stated Rein. By redefining trauma, people across the gender spectrum are able to find validation in their experiences and begin their journey to healing these traumas not just for ourselves, but for future generations.
While PSD is not experienced by one particular gender, as women who have been one of the most historically disadvantaged and oppressed groups, we have inherited survival instructions that express themselves differently for different women. For some women, this means their nervous systems freeze when faced with something that has been historically dangerous for women such as stepping into their power, speaking out, being visible or making a lot of money. Then there are women who go into fight or flight mode. Although they are able to stand in the spotlight, they pay a high price for it when their nervous system begins to work in a constant state of hyper vigilance in order to keep them safe. These women often find themselves having trouble with anxiety, intimacy, sleeping or relaxing without a glass of wine or a pill. Because of this, adrenaline fatigue has become an epidemic among high achieving women that is resulting in heightened levels of stress and anxiety.
"For the first time, it makes sense that we are not broken or making this up, and we have gained this understanding by looking through the lens of a shared trauma. All of these things have been either forbidden or impossible for women. A woman's power has always been a punishable offense throughout history," stated Rein.
Although the idea of having a disorder may be scary to some and even potentially contribute to a victim mentality, Rein wants people to be empowered by PSD and to see it as a diagnosis meant to validate your experience by giving it a name, making it real and giving you a means to heal yourself. "There are still experiences in our lives that are triggering PSD and the more layers we heal, the more power we claim, the more resilience we have and more ability we have in staying plugged into our power and happiness. These triggers affect us less and less the more we heal," emphasized Rein. While the task of breaking intergenerational transmission of trauma seems intimidating, the author has flipped the negative approach to the healing journey from a game of survival to the game of how good can it get.
In her new book, Patriarchy Stress Disorder: The Invisible Barrier to Women's Happiness and Fulfillment, Rein details an easy system for healing that includes the necessary tools she has sourced over 20 years on her healing exploration with the pioneers of mind, body and trauma resolution. Her 5-step system serves to help "Jailbreakers" escape the inner prison of PSD and other hidden trauma through the process of Waking Up in Prison, Meeting the Prison Guards, Turning the Prison Guards into Body Guards, Digging the Tunnel to Freedom and Savoring Freedom. Readers can also find free tools on Rein's website to help aid in their healing journey and exploration.
"I think of the book coming out as the birth of a movement. Healing is not women against men– it's women, men and people across the gender spectrum, coming together in a shared understanding that we all have trauma and we can all heal."