People 22 January 2018
This past weekend the fairer sex proved it wasn't backing down from its year-old promise to take on the patriarchy and fight for justice in a post-Trump world. Revved up further with the #MeToo and #TimesUp movements, millions of marchers hit the streets across the US and abroad on Saturday, a beautifully temperate day that seemed to echo the defiant but focused attitude that centered on a brighter tomorrow.
As women and men organized local marches from Burbank to Shanghai, the message was “vote" and the sentiment was all about change-making.
“I want to make voting fun again; that's a theme running through a lot of the marchers," says activist and founder of the Pussyhat Project, Krista Suh, who marched alongside an estimated half a million others in Los Angeles. “It's so important with the midterm elections that we don't drop the ball on this one. This is a chance for us to flip the house and it's an exciting time."
As it was last year, pink was everywhere. Thanks to nearly omnipresent knotted rose-hued kitty-shaped hats, the brainchild of knitting afficanados Krista Suh and Jayna Zerimann, the pussyhats have quickly become something of modern day feminist lore.“There's something meaningful about making your own protest gear with your own hands," says Suh. “I was a beginner knitter but I thought If I could knit this hat, everyone could."
Krista Suh by Rachael Lee Stroud
How the pussycats came to be is really a testament to what happens when coincidence meets action. In late 2016, Suh, an artist and screenwriter and Zweiman, a design architect who was rehabbing from a serious injury and unable to perform any rigorous activity, decided to take a crochet class at the Little Knittery, a local yarn store in Los Angeles. After discovering a joint passion for women's rights and activism, the two realized that brightly colored crocheted hats-named to reclaim the women's anatomy from the President's choice moniker-could serve as a statement of solidarity for women at the march, and those- like Zweiman, who would be unable to attend.
“It went from one hat to a sea of pink," said Suh, who estimates millions of hats have been made and worn between the two marches. “I thought about the aerial shots from overhead and I got so excited about it. At first there weren't as many sister marches, so this allowed people from everywhere to knit a hat and sent it in, and contributed to all these on-the-ground networks."
To help get as many women involved as possible, the duo called on Little Knittery owner Kat Coyle to design a simple pattern that would be easily executed by those who may not know their way around a pair of knitting needles. Thanks to social media and the word of mouth nature of the international knitting community, more than 60,000 people downloaded the pattern. On January 21, 2017, millions of protesters across 600 countries helped create a "sea of pink" thanks to the hundreds of thousands of pussyhats that helped color the crowd. And just like that, an iconic fashion accessory was born.
Krista Suh and Jayna Zweiman
“Last year we organized and got a lot of first time activists into the fold; now it's about leading them to the next step," says Suh. "We're hoping to transfer the urge to march and protest into a civil action."
This past weekend, Suh tells SWAAY the power of community activism was evident, proving that even those who can't make it to NYC or DC consider themselves part of the Women's Movement. To wit, sister marches sprung up locally in communities across the country and world, including in China, where Suh says expats marched in solidarity with their American sisters. “We've proven we can impact on a huge level and now we're realizing we are everywhere," she adds. "It's powerful to see the sea of pink marching together, but also when you see that woman at the grocery store wearing the hat."
Some might ask if Trump has been the catalyst of change. Would the #TimesUp and #MeToo movements have unfolded in a Hillary presidency? Maybe not. Some would argue that the urgency of the message comes at a time when Atwood storylines are becoming frighteningly feasible. As is evidenced by the solidarity shown at the Golden Globe awards amongst its female attendees and the massive outpouring of women across all industries who are finally calling out sexual predators, it's clear there is a lot on the line, and we are going to fight for all of it.
“All these issues are related, and they are all centered on the idea that it's really hard to be a woman in the US and I don't mean that in a victim way, just a plainspoken way," says Suh. “Caring about yourself is a radical act as a woman. It's about our safety and freedom to exist. It's a human rights issue. The personal is political."
For Suh, changing the narrative means helping women realize that the system was created to keep them out of positions of power, and it's not their fault that they haven't gotten there. Rather than fighting to become the one token female success story, Suh says we need to uplift more women into positions of power by giving them the same tools that are afforded to men, namely sexual respect, mentorship and access to capital.
“In the past people wanted to divide and conquer," she says. “There was this idea of the one exceptional woman. They've always had a place for that woman in the patriarchy- but it's only one spot like say for an Ivanka Trump. If you don't make it, they say it's your own fault. It's a clever trick but women are waking up to that now. The deck can be stacked against us and our sight is set on how to redo the system."
Krista Suh at the 2018 Women's March
In order to get the message out, Suh has just penned a book, DIY Rules for a WTF World: How To Speak Up, Get Creative and CHANGE THE WORLD, which she says acts as a handbook for those young ladies who are looking to help “demolish the patriarchy." “For me, it's a lot of showing people not only can you be politically active, you already are," says Suh. "I want to teach people that whatever wild, crazy idea they have that's really scary to them, they should nurture rather than squelch. Women have great ideas all the time and don't follow up on them or talk themselves out of them. I think the book will create an even more massive revolution than the one we've already started"
And speaking of revolution, which for all intents and purposes began during a knitting circle, Suh reminds women not to underestimate the power of mixing pleasure with protest, as it's an easy way to mobilize. “I didn't have to reinvent the wheel," says Suh. “Women have been getting together and talking in knitting circles for centuries. It's like men fishing or golfing; that's where deals are made. The assumption is women in knitting circles are just gossiping but it's a lot more than that."
According to Suh, this year's iteration of the Women's March is just as much about symbolism as it is activism. She reminds women not to forget the importance of taking part in rituals that celebrate and elevate all of us.“This year's march marks progression but it's also like renewing our vows, reconnecting with what got us so fired up last year" she says." I think it's important because rituals are so important. Men tend to downgrade the rituals of women. When women organize something it's seen as frivolous. We have to reject that as women. Patriarchy is this haze all around us, and when [people] say 'what's the point of the march and the hat,' they are downgrading the rituals of women. I think it's important to recognize that because we don't even realize the goal posts are being moved all the time."
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3 Min Read
Thinking of ringing up your ex during these uncertain times? Maybe you want an excuse to contact your ex, or maybe you genuinely feel the need to connect with someone on an emotional level. As a matchmaker and relationship expert, I was surprised at the start of the coronavirus quarantine when friends were telling me that they were contacting their exes! But as social distancing has grown to be more than a short-term situation, we must avoid seeking short-term solutions—and resist the urge to dial an ex.
It stands to reason that you would contact an ex for support. After all, who knows you and your fears better than an ex? This all translates into someone who you think can provide comfort and support. As a matchmaker, I already know that people can spark and ignite relationships virtually that can lead to offline love, but lonely singles didn't necessarily believe this or understand this initially, which drives them straight back to a familiar ex. You only need to tune into Love Is Blind to test this theory or look to Dina Lohan and her virtual boyfriend.
At the start of lockdown, singles were already feeling lonely. There were studies that said as much as 3 out of 4 people were lonely, and that was before lockdown. Singles were worried that dating someone was going to be off limits for a very long time. Now when you factor in a widespread pandemic and the psychological impact that hits when you have to be in isolation and can't see anyone but your takeout delivery person, we end up understanding this urge to contact an ex.
So, what should you do if you are tempted to ring up an old flame? How do you know if it's the wrong thing or the right thing to do in a time like this? Check out a few of my points before deciding on picking up that phone to text, much less call an ex.
Before You Dial The Ex...
First, you need to phone a friend! It's the person that got you through this breakup to begin with. Let them remind you of the good, the bad and the ugly before taking this first step and risk getting sucked back in.
What was the reason for your breakup? As I mentioned before, you could get sucked back in… but that might not be a bad thing. It depends; when you phoned that friend to remind you, did she remind you of good or bad things during the breakup? It's possible that you both just had to take jobs in different cities, and the breakup wasn't due to a problem in the relationship. Have these problems resolved if there were issues?
You want to come from a good place of reflection and not let bad habits make the choice for you.
Depending on the reason for the breakup, set your boundaries for how much contact beforehand. If there was abuse or toxic behaviors in the relationship, don't even go there. You can't afford to repeat this relationship again.
If you know you shouldn't be contacting this ex but feel lonely, set up a support system ahead of time. Set up activities or things to fall back on to resist the urge. Maybe you phone a different friend, join a virtual happy hour for singles, or binge watch Netflix. Anything else is acceptable, but don't phone that ex.
Write down your reasons for wanting to contact the ex. Ask yourself if this is worth the pain. Are you flea-bagging again, or is there a friendship to be had, which will provide you with genuine comfort? If it's the latter, it's okay to go there. If it's an excuse to go back together and make contact, don't.
Decide how far you are willing to take the relationship this time, without it being a rinse and repeat. If you broke up for reasons beyond your control, it's okay. If your ex was a serial cheater, phone a friend instead.
If there was abuse or toxic behaviors in the relationship, don't even go there. You can't afford to repeat this relationship again.
As life returns to a more normal state and you adjust to the new normal, we will slowly begin to notice more balance in our lives. You want to come from a good place of reflection and not let bad habits make the choice for you. Some do's and don'ts for this time would be:
- Do: exercise — taking care of you is important during this time. It's self-care and maintaining a healthy lifestyle.
- Do: shower, brush your teeth, and get out of your sweats.
- Don't: be a couch potato.
- Don't: drink or eat excessively during this time. Again, remember to maintain a healthy lifestyle.
- Do: think positive thoughts everyday and write down the 3 things you are grateful for. Look at the impact of John Krasinksi's SGN. It's uplifting and when you feel good, you won't want to slide backwards.
- Don't: contact a toxic ex. It's a backward move in a moment of uncertainty that could have a long term impact. Why continue flea bagging yourself?