Dating is fun. You get to meet a new person, feeling butterflies in your stomach, waiting for a new meeting every day, and thinking about them every second. But where is the border between relying on and becoming dependent?
Sometimes a relationship gets so uncomfortable and intense that you can't help but wonder – is it really better than being single and happy? Here are some major signs you aren't in the best place mentally.
You are glued to your phone, waiting for them to answer..
If we're talking about the beginning of your relationships, it's normal. You just got infatuated, and even a day spent together is never enough. But if this feeling lasts for too long, if you wait in pain for every text, this is a red flag. In a relationship, you always have to be sure your significant other will call or text you back no matter what. If they leave you on "read," it can be a sign of manipulation.
Your partner gives you a contrast shower with their attitude
The passion is amazing. Some say that this hot and cold treatment is effective because it gets you attached faster. But do you know the difference between passion and a toxic relationship? When two people date each other, everyone has to feel equally comfortable and safe. Spontaneity is good, but it can also be very destructive. In other words, if you can't rely on your partner because of their mood changes instantly, it's a good reason to reassess your relationship.
You get jealous for no apparent reason
Jealousy is a destructive feeling which inevitably leads to breakups sooner or later. So there is no need to justify this feeling by saying you're doing it out of love. You are not a detective, and you don't have to spy on your significant other. If you think your partner is hiding something or lying to you, there is no place for a healthy relationship.
You can't be yourself with your partner
It includes being your true self on the outer and inner side. If you know for sure you can't be raggedy in front of your partner because they will criticize you for the way you look, smell, behave, this person definitely doesn't take you seriously. Face it, ride or die couples go through thick and thin, seeing each other weak, sobbing, sick, healing. Relationships on a surface level aren't potent enough to deal with that. If you hide your true interests, are scared to watch comedies you like, listen to the music you love, talk to your friends, - it is a scary sign your date won't love you for who you truly are.
You can't open up in front of them
If you are a straightforward person, yet you feel an urge to hide stuff in order not to be criticized/ridiculed, it is one of those cases where your partner is subliminally degrading you. And usually, your gut isn't wrong. If you feel hostility and sulkiness for no reason, there is no right time and place for you to date. If you are afraid to admit you smoked or have bad habits because their reaction scares you, run! You have to become friends first.
You are constantly out of your comfort zone
On the contrary to the thoughts of many coaches, being out of your comfort zone isn't always good. Especially if you constantly experience destructive stress, and your partner is pressing you. To evolve into a better person, you don't have to be constantly in a frightened state of mind.
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Help! My Friend Is a No Show
Dear Armchair Psychologist,
I have a friend who doesn't reply to my messages about meeting for dinner, etc. Although, last week I ran into her at a local restaurant of mine, it has always been awkward to be friends with her. Should I continue our friendship or discontinue it? We've been friends for a total four years and nothing has changed. I don't feel as comfortable with her as my other close friends, and I don't think I'll ever be able to reach that comfort zone in pure friendship.
Dear Sadsies,I am sorry to hear you've been neglected by your friend. You may already have the answer to your question, since you're evaluating the non-existing bond between yourself and your friend. However, I'll gladly affirm to you that a friendship that isn't reciprocated is not a good friendship.
I have had a similar situation with a friend whom I'd grown up with but who was also consistently a very negative person, a true Debby Downer. One day, I just had enough of her criticism and vitriol. I stopped making excuses for her and dumped her. It was a great decision and I haven't looked back. With that in mind, it could be possible that something has changed in your friend's life, but it's insignificant if she isn't responding to you. It's time to dump her and spend your energy where it's appreciated. Don't dwell on this friend. History is not enough to create a lasting bond, it only means just that—you and your friend have history—so let her be history!
- The Armchair Psychologist