I set a goal to read 52 books for the year. I have read ten so far. Feeling accomplished, I wrote about my book challenge. So many people responded with questions like: Do you ever sleep? Where do you find time to read?
We live in a world in which we are juggling so many things at once. While finishing an email, we are on the phone with a client, updating our calendar, preparing to go to a meeting, and on and on and on. This is a normal day for many people. However, we need to understand the difference between multitasking and efficiency.
When we get home from work, we are bombarded by so many sounds and notifications like Instagram, Facebook, Facebook Messenger, Whatsapp, Linkedin and all these social apps we are tethered to. When do we have time to breathe? Why do we respond to everything with such urgency?
I started to meditate seriously in 2015. Before this, I tried to meditate but didn't stick with it. I just wasn't ready. When I discovered Naam Yoga everything changed and I started to practice daily. Meditating has worked wonders in my life. Eventually, I explored other mindfulness practices and they all worked well. You need to try out different systems to find what works for you.
To answer the question where do I find time to read: by being present. When I am reading, cooking, spending time with my family, writing an email, talking to my clients, preparing a presentation, mentoring someone, laughing, dancing -- I am fully present and conscious that I am doing the activity.
Mindfulness is about being aware and awake. To be mindful at work means to be consciously present in what you're doing, while you're doing it, as well as managing your mental and emotional state. If you're writing a report, speaking with a client, in a meeting with your boss, etc. mindfulness requires you to give your full attention.
Here are some tips that will help you to transition to a more rigorous mindfulness practice!
1. Start your workday by being present as best you can. Pause for a few moments before you start your workday. Try not to start immediately answering emails, phone calls, or Facebook notifications. Instead, take a few minutes to breathe and organize your day. These little moments add up to make the day a more productive one.
2. Be a Single-Tasker. Single-tasking is doing one thing at a time. To do this block off 3 hours of time solely to work on projects. Switch off as many distractions as you can and focus on achieving one task at a time.
3. Slow Down To Speed Up. By slowing down, you become more efficient, productive, happy, resilient and healthy at work. This allows your brain to become even more efficient, focused, effective at communicating with others, and better at learning new skills.
4. Cultivate Humility. Humble people have confidence in themselves and don't feel the need to continuously remind others of their achievements. Humility does not mean seeing yourself as inferior; rather, it means being aware of your natural dependence on and equity with those around you.
5. Accept What You Can't Change. Acceptance lies at the heart of mindfulness. To be mindful means to accept this present moment just as it is. It means to accept yourself, just as you are now. It doesn't mean resignation or giving up. If you have dreams of leaving your workplace to start your own business, just take baby steps to get there and remain positive about the outcome. Mindfulness is about giving attention to the present moment and not judging your innate talent or intelligence, but being open to new possibilities.
To be mindful on a daily basis no matter how chaotic life is around you, you don't really need to be sitting cross-legged for one hour meditating! In general, becoming more mindful comes with practice! Don't try too hard or force it to achieve any special effects! Simply relax into the process and pay as much attention as you can to what is here now. Whatever form that takes. Allow yourself to experience life as it unfolds, paying careful and open-hearted attention. A good place to start is to just breathe.
For decades, women have been unknowingly suffering from PSD and intergenerational trauma, but now Dr. Valerie Rein wants women to reclaim their power through mind, body and healing tools.
As women, no matter how many accomplishments we have or how successful we look on the outside, we all occasionally hear that nagging internal voice telling us to do more. We criticize ourselves more than anyone else and then throw ourselves into the never-ending cycle of self-care, all in effort to save ourselves from crashing into this invisible internal wall. According to psychologist, entrepreneur and author, Dr. Valerie Rein, these feelings are not your fault and there is nothing wrong with you— but chances are you definitely suffering from Patriarchy Stress Disorder.
Patriarchy Stress Disorder (PSD) is defined as the collective inherited trauma of oppression that forms an invisible inner barrier to women's happiness and fulfillment. The term was coined by Rein who discovered a missing link between trauma and the effects that patriarchal power structures have had on certain groups of people all throughout history up until the present day. Her life experience, in addition to research, have led Rein to develop a deeper understanding of the ways in which men and women are experiencing symptoms of trauma and stress that have been genetically passed down from previously oppressed generations.
What makes the discovery of this disorder significant is that it provides women with an answer to the stresses and trauma we feel but cannot explain or overcome. After being admitted to the ER with stroke-like symptoms one afternoon, when Rein noticed the left side of her body and face going numb, she was baffled to learn from her doctors that the results of her tests revealed that her stroke-like symptoms were caused by stress. Rein was then left to figure out what exactly she did for her clients in order for them to be able to step into the fullness of themselves that she was unable to do for herself. "What started seeping through the tears was the realization that I checked all the boxes that society told me I needed to feel happy and fulfilled, but I didn't feel happy or fulfilled and I didn't feel unhappy either. I didn't feel much of anything at all, not even stress," she stated.
Photo Courtesy of Dr. Valerie Rein
This raised the question for Rein as to what sort of hidden traumas women are suppressing without having any awareness of its presence. In her evaluation of her healing methodology, Rein realized that she was using mind, body and trauma healing tools with her clients because, while they had never experienced a traumatic event, they were showing the tell-tale symptoms of trauma which are described as a disconnect from parts of ourselves, body and emotions. In addition to her personal evaluation, research at the time had revealed that traumatic experiences are, in fact, passed down genetically throughout generations. This was Rein's lightbulb moment. The answer to a very real problem that she, and all women, have been experiencing is intergenerational trauma as a result of oppression formed under the patriarchy.
Although Rein's discovery would undoubtably change the way women experience and understand stress, it was crucial that she first broaden the definition of trauma not with the intention of catering to PSD, but to better identify the ways in which trauma presents itself in the current generation. When studying psychology from the books and diagnostic manuals written exclusively by white men, trauma was narrowly defined as a life-threatening experience. By that definition, not many people fit the bill despite showing trauma-like symptoms such as disconnections from parts of their body, emotions and self-expression. However, as the field of psychology has expanded, more voices have been joining the conversations and expanding the definition of trauma based on their lived experience. "I have broadened the definition to say that any experience that makes us feel unsafe psychically or emotionally can be traumatic," stated Rein. By redefining trauma, people across the gender spectrum are able to find validation in their experiences and begin their journey to healing these traumas not just for ourselves, but for future generations.
While PSD is not experienced by one particular gender, as women who have been one of the most historically disadvantaged and oppressed groups, we have inherited survival instructions that express themselves differently for different women. For some women, this means their nervous systems freeze when faced with something that has been historically dangerous for women such as stepping into their power, speaking out, being visible or making a lot of money. Then there are women who go into fight or flight mode. Although they are able to stand in the spotlight, they pay a high price for it when their nervous system begins to work in a constant state of hyper vigilance in order to keep them safe. These women often find themselves having trouble with anxiety, intimacy, sleeping or relaxing without a glass of wine or a pill. Because of this, adrenaline fatigue has become an epidemic among high achieving women that is resulting in heightened levels of stress and anxiety.
"For the first time, it makes sense that we are not broken or making this up, and we have gained this understanding by looking through the lens of a shared trauma. All of these things have been either forbidden or impossible for women. A woman's power has always been a punishable offense throughout history," stated Rein.
Although the idea of having a disorder may be scary to some and even potentially contribute to a victim mentality, Rein wants people to be empowered by PSD and to see it as a diagnosis meant to validate your experience by giving it a name, making it real and giving you a means to heal yourself. "There are still experiences in our lives that are triggering PSD and the more layers we heal, the more power we claim, the more resilience we have and more ability we have in staying plugged into our power and happiness. These triggers affect us less and less the more we heal," emphasized Rein. While the task of breaking intergenerational transmission of trauma seems intimidating, the author has flipped the negative approach to the healing journey from a game of survival to the game of how good can it get.
In her new book, Patriarchy Stress Disorder: The Invisible Barrier to Women's Happiness and Fulfillment, Rein details an easy system for healing that includes the necessary tools she has sourced over 20 years on her healing exploration with the pioneers of mind, body and trauma resolution. Her 5-step system serves to help "Jailbreakers" escape the inner prison of PSD and other hidden trauma through the process of Waking Up in Prison, Meeting the Prison Guards, Turning the Prison Guards into Body Guards, Digging the Tunnel to Freedom and Savoring Freedom. Readers can also find free tools on Rein's website to help aid in their healing journey and exploration.
"I think of the book coming out as the birth of a movement. Healing is not women against men– it's women, men and people across the gender spectrum, coming together in a shared understanding that we all have trauma and we can all heal."