Career 20 August 2018
When I began my career, what I did was part of my identity, my self-worth. My father was a successful advertising executive—Mad Men in real life. I wanted that same thing. It appeared glamorous and smart. An adult playground where the wittier and more in touch with your inner child you were, the more successful you'd be.
I landed a job working for a corporation that had its own in-house advertising group. I made friends with several co-workers around my age and we bonded over coffee and kolaches. The executives referred to us as “the brain trust." Those were heady and happy times, when accepting a paycheck for all the fun I was having seemed like stealing.
Then, life happened. Other opportunities arose and I jumped at them, eager for adventure and success. As I grabbed each ring, I found myself less and less satisfied, and further and further from not only what I loved doing, but from what my strengths were. Suddenly, I was decades into my professional life and the landscape around me was completely unfamiliar. I had gone from happy, creative child-genius doing what came easily and naturally, to a middle-aged woman with permanent scowl lines that I blamed on too much squinting at computer screens, instead of the true cause: utter confusion and devastation. I now spent my workday in a thankless role that no one understood or appreciated. Including myself.
Time For The Big Question
The signs that you're not as happy with your career trajectory as you keep telling yourself include things like finding it hard to fall asleep – or wake up, headaches, muscle aches and pains, or feeling mentally and physically exhausted. You also may find you're not performing up to your usually high standards. Your inner voice is telling you something, so listen. Ask yourself, “Am I headed in the right direction?" If you're experiencing the symptoms above, the answer is NO.
I realized one day that I was unhappier more of the time than I was happy. I looked down the road at the next 15 years doing what I was doing and knew it simply wasn't sustainable. I hadn't paid a lot of attention to how I got where I was, but one thing was clear: I needed to pay a lot of attention to where I went next. I reached out for guidance from a former employer—a woman who had successfully launched her own advertising agency some 30 years ago, and whom I had worked for early in my career.
She asked me simply, “What do you want to be doing, if you could write your own job description?" I thought about it for about 10 seconds and responded with my preferences and strengths. As it turned out, I was just what she and the other co-founders of PrimeWomen.com were seeking, and they were what I needed.
That sort of astral alignment, by the way, is how you know the road you need to take is the one directly under your feet.
Play To Your Strengths
Every one of us has our own genius—a talent, gift or passion. Remember what that is? If you're not sure, there are plenty of ways to find out. One, ask your friends and family. They know you better than anyone and have insight you may be overlooking. What did you love doing as a child? What do you like doing in your free time? What could you do every day without getting paid? What hobby or passion do you have that you couldn't live without? The job you seek may not be exactly that one thing, but it will likely incorporate that skill or strength.
Think about how you like to work. When are you most productive? Do you like working independently? Collaborating? Do you prefer a planned work day, or rolling with the punches as they come?
If you want someone to walk you through some of these questions, meet with a career coach. It only makes sense to invest in yourself during this process. After all, whatever job you choose, you'll be spending a large portion of your life doing it.
Watch For Signs
Have you ever noticed when considering a change, the universe sends you little messages to let you know which way to go? Sometimes the signs are hard to read – or maybe you're especially good at focusing on the road ahead and not noticing the signs flying past as you rocket forward, pedal to the metal. Slow down a bit and put your mind in 'receive" mode. Changing jobs can be a frightening prospect. “The devil you know" versus the one you don't. What if you find your new situation worse than the one you're currently in? What if you don't do well? What if it's different than you expected?
From planning weddings and running restaurants to raising kids and doling out wedding-planning wisdom with her radio show “The Event Jeannie," Uyanik has proven herself to be an inimitable woman with a work ethic that should be emulated. If you have a wedding to plan, who you gonna call? C&G Weddings!
While all valid concerns, if you do your homework before you accept a new position, you'll limit that risk. But you need to pay attention to the signs as you move along this path. If you keep hitting roadblocks, it could be the universe telling you to choose another direction. The more smoothly the process goes, the more confidence you can feel in each step you take.
Now, if you are wondering if you've missed any signs from the universe, the fact that you stopped to read this article may be one. What are you going to do about it?
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HELP! Haters Wants to be a Dater
Dear Armchair Psychologist,
My gay best friend is becoming a frenemy, begrudging any success I enjoy and balking at giving me any of the support and help I need. I think he never quite accepted that we remain friends and not anything more. His bitchiness has gotten too grating, which I guess is too bad. Help.
Dear Yikes,It's too bad your best friend is antagonizing you. I'm sure it's also very hurtful. Perhaps there are underlying reasons for his sudden change in behavior? Maybe he wants out of the friendship and signals it this way? It would be wise to give yourself a bit of distance to determine what is going on. This way, if he comes back and wonders why you've been distant, than this would be a good time to initiate a conversation with him to get to the bottom of what going on. If he doesn't reach out after your MIA act, then good riddance. Have some tea and move on!
- The Armchair Psychologist
HELP! I'm chronically depressed
Dear Armchair Psychologist,
I'm chronically depressed. I try very hard to be a productive person but my mother is extremely psychologically abusive. She makes me feel like I'm worthless, but she's my mother and I'm her only child? What should I do?
I'm sorry your mother is causing you such distress. It sounds to me like you need to create some distance between yourself and your mother. Many psychologists, including Freud, agree that a child needs a mother or caretaker through their development cycle in order to live balanced lives. However, women account for 56% of all child abusers and most cases are psychological abuse.
Essentially, whether you're stuck in a "Mommy Dearest" scenario, a movie in which Joan Crawford mercilessly abuses her daughter by attempting to strangle her and, in another famous incident, beats her with wire hangers because she prefers crochet hangers, or whether you're experiencing a quiet psychological hell, it's time to get some help. I recommend you reach out to a qualified professional psychologist because you're worthy of love and support.