So we’ve talked about FOMO, compare and despair, and all the horrible games our minds play with us as we browse the internet many times on my blog. I find it’s super important to discuss these things openly because they have triggered many downward spirals of insecurity that are almost impossible to yank myself out of. I could be having a beautiful day, super happy and completely living my purpose and then all of a sudden, I see someone on social media is doing something really cool and it makes me feel left out, unsuccessful, and super anxious.
“Wait, why didn’t they hire me?”
“Does she not like me? Why wasn’t I invited?”
“OMG, she has way more followers than I do. UGH.”
“Does she work out like everyday? How is she so skinny?”
“She made 6 figures in how many months? Crap, I am useless.”
Yep, I had most of these thoughts just last week. They come up constantly, and yet more often than not, I am also portraying a very shiny, idealistic life on social media. Don’t get me wrong, my life is shiny but it can also be completely dull. Truth.
The purpose of sharing all of this with you is to give you a friendly reminder that every single person you know is insecure — all of us are.
That’s not to say that everyone is insecure about the same thing. But we all have our unique struggles. Where one person might feel super confident with their relationships, they might be also hiding that their bank account is pretty lackluster.
Knowing that we’re all insecure isn’t meant to encourage you to walk around feeling arrogant with this knowledge, but rather compassionate with yourself and the people around you. You’re not alone. What a relief! And sometimes when you get into a situation with someone where they aren’t acting in a way that makes sense to you, coming back to this realization that we’re all insecure can help. Because oftentimes it’s our insecurities that create the biggest discourse in our lives — with ourselves and others.
I hope this friendly reminder has been helpful and that you’re able to go through your day with a little bit more awareness.
Before you leave this page, I want you to think of 10 things that you love about yourself. I know that might seem like a lot and that you may have internally just freaked out. But I promise you can do it. Even if the only thing you can think of is something simple like your shoes or your best friend, it doesn’t matter, just think of something. And know the next time you go down that insecure rabbit hole, the ability to remind yourself of why you’re great is just on the other side of it.
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Help! My Friend Is a No Show
Dear Armchair Psychologist,
I have a friend who doesn't reply to my messages about meeting for dinner, etc. Although, last week I ran into her at a local restaurant of mine, it has always been awkward to be friends with her. Should I continue our friendship or discontinue it? We've been friends for a total four years and nothing has changed. I don't feel as comfortable with her as my other close friends, and I don't think I'll ever be able to reach that comfort zone in pure friendship.
Dear Sadsies,I am sorry to hear you've been neglected by your friend. You may already have the answer to your question, since you're evaluating the non-existing bond between yourself and your friend. However, I'll gladly affirm to you that a friendship that isn't reciprocated is not a good friendship.
I have had a similar situation with a friend whom I'd grown up with but who was also consistently a very negative person, a true Debby Downer. One day, I just had enough of her criticism and vitriol. I stopped making excuses for her and dumped her. It was a great decision and I haven't looked back. With that in mind, it could be possible that something has changed in your friend's life, but it's insignificant if she isn't responding to you. It's time to dump her and spend your energy where it's appreciated. Don't dwell on this friend. History is not enough to create a lasting bond, it only means just that—you and your friend have history—so let her be history!
- The Armchair Psychologist