People 03 September 2017
Real Housewife of Dallas, Cary Deuber may seem a picture perfect television personality, but she's not afraid to be real. In fact, the refreshingly honest beauty, who is also a registered nurse, describes herself as the "anti-reality" star, and shows surprising candor for someone who lives her life in the spotlight.
Known for being equal parts outspoken and laid back, SWAAY spoke to Deuber about her passion for medicine, what it's like working with her husband (also her business partner), and the reality behind reality show life.
“I think I'm the only one of original cast who's never been on TV before," says Deuber, a self-proclaimed workaholic, who chatted with us while on her work break for the interview. “It seems everyone has been on some kind of show, or they were a cheerleader or in the entertainment industry, and I had not."
Despite being surprised with the offer to star on the show (via a Bravo representative who contacted her on social media), Deuber says that she has embraced the platform, and rather than getting tied up in the drama, is focused on creating a meaningful experience.
“It's not every day Bravo comes knocking your door with cameras," says the mom of three (Deuber has one daughter with her husband Mark, a plastic surgeon, as well as two stepsons).
“I went through the process and so far it's been a good experience. Reality TV for me is empowering, but it depends on what you do with it. For me, it's to help other women." -Cary Deuber
When it comes to filming, Deuber says she's actually quite comfortable around the cameras, as is her spirited daughter, Zuri. “The camera guys tell you when they are going to come to your house, so you know they are going to be there," she says. “Now I'm used to it. Zuri loves it because she has people to play with. “
And, for those wondering if the show is in any way pre-written, Deuber says think again. “I wish it was scripted; it's not," laughs Deuber. "I have to be clever and witty on demand, but I'm exhausted because I'm a mom. I'm not an actress, even though a a lot of the ladies are."
And about those ladies, who have been known to create some cat fights in Dallas, Deuber says she is trying to navigate the drama without getting too caught up.
“It can be stressful when someone screams at you," says Deuber. “A lot of it is jealousy, because someone gets to do this or that [on camera], and I really don't have time for that. I guess I'm in a way the anti-reality reality star and I'll probably get fired for being too down to earth. Am I supposed to start acting like a nasty bitch because a lot of other people do? That's just not me. I've dated a lot of celebrities and professional athletes and can tell you that they weren't assholes. You don't have to be one just because you're famous."
Deuber, who was raised on the east coast, works alongside Mark at the Dallas Plastic Surgery Practice, and in her 20-year career has lead multiple medical missions abroad, helping operate on on cleft lips and palates through an organization called ConnectMed International. “I use my platform for good, which is the opportunity and the silver lining," she says."When I started [filming] I said 'it can't be harder than operating on people,' but in reality some of it can be. Dealing with different personalities and girls that don't like you and you might not like either was a real learning curve for me. I've learned how to have thicker skin, and learned who my real friends are."
The Baylor undergrad, who studied vascular and trauma surgery, says she “loves operating" and is, unsurprisingly a sewing aficionado. Working with her husband, she says is mostly a positive experience, but ultimately it “depends on the day," Deuber adds with a laugh. “We've been married for eight years and have worked together a long time, so we are just in the groove. You will see the progression through the season. Honestly, working with him is great and I get to see my best friend at work, which simplifies the process for our patients."
In terms of the growing trend of injectables and cosmetic procedures-of which Deuber is an outspoken fan-she says women should remember that even just a little change can make a big difference in terms of a woman's confidence.
“It can be so empowering for women," says Deuber, who gets regular Botox and actually injects her own lips with fillers for a plumper looking pout. “As a woman the pressure is high. You want to look good, and not just for men, it's for yourself. Just a little bit of Botox can be a game changer. As you get older you lose fat in the face and just a little bit of filler can make you look natural. It's important to take care of yourself because we are living longer than we used to."
Regarding her new-found fame, Deuber, who describes herself as casual and yoga-obsessed, remains nonplussed. “I don't feel like I'm famous," she says.
“People recognize me," she says, continuing - "but most don't come up to me. I'm pretty incognito; my hair is usually in a bun, with nothing on my face and my glasses on, and I think that's empowering."
In terms of what sets Dallas apart from the other Real Housewives filming locales, which are filled with table flipping, wine throwing and other dramatic escapades, Deuber, who was born in Connecticut and lived in Ohio previously, says her adopted city is all about individuality, which translates perfectly to the small screen.
“I'm a melting pot type of person," says Deuber. “I like to convey that everyone here is different. Everyone has their own personality, and makes their own contribution to the show. Even the people that I don't get along with, I'm glad they are on the show, because it's relatable."
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Help! My Friend Is a No Show
Dear Armchair Psychologist,
I have a friend who doesn't reply to my messages about meeting for dinner, etc. Although, last week I ran into her at a local restaurant of mine, it has always been awkward to be friends with her. Should I continue our friendship or discontinue it? We've been friends for a total four years and nothing has changed. I don't feel as comfortable with her as my other close friends, and I don't think I'll ever be able to reach that comfort zone in pure friendship.
Dear Sadsies,I am sorry to hear you've been neglected by your friend. You may already have the answer to your question, since you're evaluating the non-existing bond between yourself and your friend. However, I'll gladly affirm to you that a friendship that isn't reciprocated is not a good friendship.
I have had a similar situation with a friend whom I'd grown up with but who was also consistently a very negative person, a true Debby Downer. One day, I just had enough of her criticism and vitriol. I stopped making excuses for her and dumped her. It was a great decision and I haven't looked back. With that in mind, it could be possible that something has changed in your friend's life, but it's insignificant if she isn't responding to you. It's time to dump her and spend your energy where it's appreciated. Don't dwell on this friend. History is not enough to create a lasting bond, it only means just that—you and your friend have history—so let her be history!
- The Armchair Psychologist