It was May of 2010 when I found myself, six months pregnant, crying in the backseat of a car service, as my in-house position was on the chopping block from another round of corporate cuts. I must have cried for about a week. Not because I really missed my job, but because I felt helpless… and lost. Entering my third trimester, I couldn’t even apply for jobs. Who would hire me?
Then one day, when I literally found myself barefoot and pregnant in the kitchen watching a marathon of Real Housewives of New York, I stopped being sad. I realized this could be an opportunity to reinvent myself; and luckily, I soon secured a job with a former employer. I was to start some time after my baby’s arrival. It never even occurred to me that I may want to stay home with a baby. I always assumed I would want to work.
My first daughter arrived on Labor Day weekend. We hired a nanny, who started when my daughter turned 6-weeks-old. I went back to work at week seven, ramping up to four days of work in New York City, and one day a week from home in the New Jersey suburbs.
As most new mothers will tell you, going back to work is hard. Tears were shed. Pump parts were forgotten. Late nights were hard. Sleepless nights even harder.
But I managed. I had the support of my husband, work got busy, my baby girl was happy, and life rolled right along.
Around this time, I also read an article in USA Today about a new trend in office spaces called coworking. Hmm, I thought. How cool would it be to have a place like that here, in the suburbs, that also has childcare? I dreamed of a place where I could plug in, participate in conference calls, fulfill my job responsibilities, and still nurse my infant throughout the day. But work was busy, life was busy, and I had little time to devote to cooking dinner, let alone nurturing a business idea. So I let the concept gestate.
And then I got pregnant again.
This time, I wanted to take a longer maternity leave - four months off, my company’s max. I wanted to use the time to decide how to move forward. Did I want to continue working full-time? Did I want to stay home with my girls? Did I want to work part-time? What was the right formula for me?
Deborah Engel during her daughter's birthday party at Work and Play
I quickly realized I wasn’t cut out to be a stay-at-home mom. But I also couldn’t commit to the long hours and endless commute anymore. I tried negotiating a part-time deal with my employer; they said no. I wrestled with what to do, and after having a heart-to-heart with a senior level female executive, who reminded me that kids are only young once, I decided to call it quits and launch my own business.
I remembered the idea I had for coworking and childcare, which my husband dubbed Work and Play, and I decided to pursue it while also freelancing as a public relations specialist. I started attending networking events and met other entrepreneurs in the community. I talked about my idea for a flexible workspace, one that would also offer drop-in, customizable childcare.
In late 2013, while seven months pregnant with a third daughter, I bought a building that is now Work and Play. By offering childcare and a workspace, we are offering a solution for parents who want to balance their career and family. Our community is made up of creatives, entrepreneurs, mothers, fathers, friends and their young children.
What have I learned on this journey so far?
1. Learn something new from everyone you meet. People are interesting. They have fascinating careers. They have stories to tell. Ask questions.
2. Don’t try too hard to figure out your future. Your goals and ideals might change. Focus on today. But also allow yourself to daydream.
3. If you’re young or in transition, consider jobs that allow for flexibility - find a trade that you can use at a company or freelance, like a graphic designer, copywriter or social media marketer. Therapy of all kinds - speech, OT, PT, psychological - allow for flexible schedules through private practice.
4. Be confident in your decision and know you won’t be perfect. You may mess up. You may feel you could do better. But trust me, you’re doing great!
Beth Goldring, Director of Play, at Work and Play's childcare space
Personally, I am over the top excited that we are on the cusp of turning the page on not only a new year but also on a new 10-year window of opportunities and possibilities!
You may be thinking, whoa…I am just embracing the fall season…yikes… it is tough to think about a new decade!
Yet it is this groundwork, this forward thought that you put in place TODAY that will propel you and lead you into greatness in 2020 and beyond. Designing a new decade rests in your ability to vision, in your willingness to be curious, in your awareness of where you are now and what you most want to curate. Essentially, curating what's next is about tapping into today with confidence, conviction, and decision. Leading YOU starts now. This is your new next. It is your choice.
Sometimes to get to that 'next', you need to take a step back to reflect. Please pardon my asking you to spend time in yesterday. Those who know me personally, know that I created and continue to grow my business based on enabling the present moment as a springboard for living your legacy. So, indulge me here! True, I am asking you to peek into the past, yet it is only in order for you to bring the essence of that past forward into this moment called NOW.
One of the best ways to tap into what's next is to clarify what drives you. To design a new decade, ask yourself this question about the past ten years:
What worked? What were my successes?
Make a list of your achievements big and small. Don't type them, but rather use ink and paper and sit with and savor them. Move your thoughts and your successes from your head, to your heart, to your pen, to the paper. Remember that on the flip side of goals not attained and New Year's resolutions abandoned, there was more than likely some traction and action that moved you forward, even if the end result was not what you expected. Once you have a full list of a decade's worth of personal and professional accomplishments, think about how this makes you feel. Do you remember celebrating all of them? My guess is no. So, celebrate them now. Give them new life by validating them. Circle the successes that resonate with you most right now. Where can you lean into those accomplishments as you power into the decade ahead?
Now comes a tougher question, one that I used myself in my own mid-life reinvention and a question I adore because in a moment's time it provides you with a quick reconnect to your unique inner voice.
If it were 10 years ago and nothing were standing in your way, no fear or excuses to contend with…what would you do?
Don't overthink it. The brilliance of this question is that it refocuses purpose. Whatever first came to mind when you answered this for yourself is at its core a powerful insight into defining and redefining the FUTURE decade. Bring your answer into the light of today and what small piece of it is actionable NOW? Where is this resonating and aligning with a 2019 version of yourself?
Then, based on your success list and your answer to the above question, what is your 2020 vision for your business and for the business of YOU?
Designing a new decade begins as a collection of 3,650 opportunities. 3,650 blank slates of new days ahead in which to pivot and propel yourself forward. Every single one of those days is a window into your legacy. An invitation to be, create, explore, and chip away at this thing we call life. One 24-hour segment at a time.
While you have a decade ahead to work on design improvements, you have the ability to begin manifesting this project of YOU Version 2020 right NOW. Based on exploring the exercises in this post, begin executing your vision. Ask questions. Be present. Let go of 2019 and the past 10 years so that you can embrace the next 10. Position acceptance and self-trust at the forefront of how you lead you. One choice at a time.
Don't get bogged down in the concept of the next 10 years. Instead position clarity and intention into each new day, starting today. Then chase every one of those intentions with an in-the-moment commitment and solution toward living a legendary life!