Taking out a mortgage makes many people feel as though they are committing to making a monthly payment for the rest of their lives. Recent studies have shown that an overwhelming number of people never pay off their mortgages. Many look at refinancing as the best path to paying off their house. While refinancing can get you a lower interest rate, refinancing can be both tricky and problematic. Take a look at why refinancing may not be your best option, and what other strategies you can take to own your home as quickly as possible.
The Downsides of Refinancing
The hassle of applying for a new mortgage
Refinancing means you are applying for a brand new mortgage, and while this can help with interest rates, the process of applying for a new mortgage can be long and arduous. If you've had changes in your income or credit since you applied for your existing mortgage, this will likely slow the process or bring it to a halt altogether. A lower salary or credit score may cause lenders to reject you or approve you at a higher rate than what you're paying. Having an existing mortgage does not guarantee that lenders will approve your new application. Lenders may also request various forms of paperwork, such as tax returns and pay stubs.
While the idea behind refinancing is to save you money, don't forget that you will be paying for the refinancing. Like with your existing mortgage, you will be required to pay closing costs when you refinance, which can range between 3 to 6 percent of the loan balance. These are typically needed upfront at the time of closing, and if you're refinancing into an FHA loan, you'll also have to pay a fee for mortgage insurance. Consider whether you would be saving enough with the refinancing to more than offset the costs associated with it.
When refinancing, you first have to go through the appraisal process, which will use recent sales in the area to determine your home's value. If the appraiser determines that your property is worth less than what you owe, you may be denied a refinancing.
Tips for Paying Off Your Mortgage
Anything extra that you can put towards your mortgage each month will help save you money in the long run and help you pay it off more quickly by cutting down on interest. Just be sure to call your mortgage servicer to ensure that anything you are paying beyond your regular payment is being applied properly towards the loan.
Make extra payments
One option to help you is to make payments beyond your monthly payment. If you can afford to make one full additional payment per quarter, you will be in great shape toward shaving down that mortgage. If once per quarter is too much, try to make one extra payment per year.
Add to your monthly payment
Another option is to divide your monthly fee by 12 and add that amount to your monthly payment, which will then add up to one full extra payment each year. It can even be as simple as rounding your payments up, which will allow you to pay a little extra each month.
Switch up your payment schedule
Contacting your lender to switch to bi-weekly payments instead of monthly payments can also help cut down on cost and time, and you'll barely even notice.
This is because paying bi-weekly means you're making more payments a year, than you would be paying monthly, you can shave up to six years off a 30-year mortgage.
Put extra money to work
If you receive a raise or a bonus, up your payments accordingly, consider putting your tax returns or any “found" money, such as an inheritance or even a winning poker hand, towards your mortgage. If you have investments, such as bonds or CDs, that are maturing, you may think about putting the principle, the earnings, or both towards your mortgage payment, rather than reinvesting. Making a lump-sum payment can make a considerable dent in the interest.
Check your mortgage terms
However, if you do plan on making extra payments towards your mortgage, look into the terms of your loan. Some mortgages have prepayment penalties, which means you could be incurring a fee if you try to make extra payments or increase your monthly payment. Other mortgages may allow prepayments, but only at certain times during the loan. Give your lender a call to help clarify the terms, and to find out if there are any specific actions you must take to ensure that your payments are being put to use correctly.
Your mortgage is most likely the largest loan you will ever take out, and imagining life without a mortgage payment may seem like a far-off dream. Many people who feel this way often turn to refinancing without taking into account the potential disadvantages that come along with it. While refinancing can be a good option for some, it is essential to do your research to find out whether refinancing will truly be worth it for you in the long run. Refinancing is not the only strategy to pay off your mortgage in this lifetime. By giving your mortgage a little extra attention, and making sure that you know the terms of your loan, life without a mortgage payment could be closer than you thought.
Marriage can be a tightrope act: when everything is in balance, it is bliss and you feel safe, but once things get shaky, you are unsure about next steps. Add outside forces into the equation like kids, work, finances or a personal crisis and now there's a strong chance that you'll need extra support to keep you from falling.
My husband and I are no strangers to misunderstandings, which are expected in any relationship, but after 7 years of marriage, we were really being tested on how strong our bond was and it had nothing to do with the "7-year itch"--it was when I was diagnosed with PTSD. As a survivor of child sexual abuse who is a perfectionist, I felt guilty about not being the "perfect partner" in our relationship; frustrated that I might be triggered while being intimate; and worried about being seen as broken or weak because of panic attacks. My defense mechanism is to not need anyone, yet my biggest fear is often abandonment.
I am not a trained therapist or relationship expert, but since 2016, I have learned a lot about managing survivorship and PTSD triggers while being in a heterosexual marriage, so I am now sharing some of my practical relationship advice to the partners of survivors to support my fellow female survivors who may be struggling to have a stronger voice in their relationship. Partners of survivors have needs too during this process, but before those needs can be met, they need to understand how to support their survivor partner, and it isn't always an easy path to navigate.
To my fellow survivor sisters in romantic relationships, I write these tips from the perspective of giving advice to your partner, so schedule some quality time to talk with your boo and read these tips together.
I challenge you both to discuss if my advice resonates with you or not! Ultimately, it will help both of you develop an open line of communication about needs, boundaries, triggers and loving one another long-term.
1. To Be or Not to Be Sexy: Your survivor partner probably wants to feel sexy, but is ambivalent about sex. She was a sexual object to someone else and that can wreak havoc on her self-esteem and intimate relationships. She may want you to find her sexy and yet not want to actually be intimate with you. Talk to her about her needs in the bedroom, what will make her feel safe, what will make her feel sexy but not objectified, and remind her that you are attracted to her for a multitude or reasons--not just because of her physical appearance.
2. Safe Words = Safer Sex: Believe it or not, your partner's mind is probably wondering while you are intimate (yep, she isn't just thinking about how amazing you are, ha!). Negative thoughts can flash through her mind depending on her body position, things you say, how she feels, etc. Have a word that you agree on that she can say if she needs a break. It could be as simple as "pause," but it needs to be respected and not questioned so that she knows when it is used, you won't assume that you can sweet talk her into continuing. This doesn't have to be a bedroom only rule. Daytime physical touch or actions could warrant the safe word, as well.
3. Let Her Reconnect: Both partners need attention in a relationship, but sometimes a survivor is distracted. Maybe she was triggered that day, feels sad or her defense mechanisms are up because you did something to upset her and you didn't even know it (and she doesn't know how to explain what happened). If she is distant, ask her if she needs some time alone. Maybe she does, maybe she doesn't, but acknowledging that you can sense some internal conflict will go a long way. Sometimes giving her the space to reconnect with herself before expecting her to be able to focus on you/your needs is just what she needs to be reminded that she is safe and loved in this relationship.
4. Take the 5 Love Languages(r) Test: If you haven't read this book yet or taken the test, please at the very least take the free quiz to learn your individual love language. My top love language was Touch and Words of Affirmation before remembering my abuse and thereafter it became Acts of Service and Words of Affirmation. Knowing how your survivor partner prefers to be shown love goes a long way and it will in turn help your needs be met, as they might be different.
5. Be Patient: I know it might be frustrating at times and you can't possibly totally understand what your survivor partner is going through, but patience goes a long way. If your survivor partner is going through the early stages of PTSD, she feels like a lot of her emotional well-being is out of her control. Panic attacks are scary and there are triggers everywhere in society. For example, studies have shown that sexual references are made anywhere from 8 to 10 times during one hour of prime time television (source: Journal of Broadcasting & Electronic Media). My husband is now on high alert when we watch TV and film. He quickly paused a Game of Thrones episode when we started season 2 because he realized a potentially violent sexual scene was coming up, and ultimately we turned it off and never watched the series again. He didn't make a big deal about it and I was relieved.
6. Courage to Heal, Together: The Courage to Heal book has been around for many years and it supported me well during the onset of my first flashbacks of my abuse. At the back of the book is a partners section for couples to read together. I highly recommend it so that you can try to understand from a psychological, physical and emotional stand point what your survivor partner is grappling with and how the two of you can support one another on the path of healing and enjoying life together.