Being raised Catholic was not my choice. And I questioned it constantly. Part of being Catholic then was learning that there were things you never talked about and never asked about (even if you thought about them constantly). That may still be the case, but I chose to leave Catholicism decades ago.
The phrase "the elephant in the room" comes to mind for such topics. Growing up I felt like there were twenty full-grown elephants in every room at all times, squishing me to the point where I couldn't breathe. Things like, just go to church and don't ask why you have to every Sunday, or we know Uncle Charlie is an alcoholic but just ignore that he just drank an entire bottle of wine at dinner.
As soon as I was brave enough to, I vowed that I would live a life without elephants in the room. Unless I was at the zoo or a nature preserve because I do love elephants—unfortunately for them, their size works really well for this metaphor. I've been living an elephant-free life for some time now and frankly do not know very many others who do. Folks seem okay with keeping particular topics under wraps even if they are losing their minds about them on the inside.
While it was groundbreaking when introduced in 2006, the #metoo movement, which was "founded to help survivors of sexual violence, particularly Black women and girls, and other young women of color from low income communities find pathways to healing," has morphed into a platform for blame and shame to expose and crucify men—oftentimes, unjustly. Look, I've seen my share of men behaving badly or downright inappropriately and getting away with it, but the vast number of men are good people who respect women (likely because they had mothers who would kill them if they didn't).
Girls are generally taught to not display aggression, but we can still show them how to be strong and empowered while being respectful and commanding respect in return. I certainly have no tolerance for any type of domestic abuse situation or sexual harassment of any kind and wholeheartedly believe in education and intervention.
But this movement has inadvertently created a society of distrust and fear—men in the workplace and social situations don't know if they can compliment a woman without fear of retaliation or if they can volunteer to mentor a woman without being accused of misconduct, etc. The workplace at-large requires that men and women respect each other and work together, not create platforms that further divide us. It's just not healthy.
"But this movement has inadvertently created a society of distrust and fear"
Women need to be able to clearly delineate between behavior classified as intimidation or threats from an unwanted pass and a genuine compliment. I, for one, would like to see men continue opening doors and holding elevators for women—that's chivalry, a concept that's been around since medieval times. I am confident enough in my own abilities and how I present myself to the world to not need reinforcement from a man; but if a man says I look nice today, I'm going to thank him for noticing. Just as I would if another woman said the same thing.
My son, who I believe has a high level of respect for women and sees women as equals, was shocked when I told him that I believed the #metoo movement has many unintended consequences; he called me an anomaly. To the contrary—I've had a number of one-off or small group conversations with affluent, professional, smart/savvy women who have confided the same view but would never say that openly for fear of negatively affecting their careers or how the carpool moms might see them.
"My son, who I believe has a high level of respect for women and sees women as equals, was shocked when I told him that I believed the #metoo movement has many unintended consequences; he called me an anomaly"
I feel like I am in a minority of women who have a solid core of self-confidence, are bold enough to stand tall, and choose to (respectfully) escort the elephant right out of the room. How do you define yourself, how many elephants are in your room and what are you going to do about it ?
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Personally, I am over the top excited that we are on the cusp of turning the page on not only a new year but also on a new 10-year window of opportunities and possibilities!
You may be thinking, whoa…I am just embracing the fall season…yikes… it is tough to think about a new decade!
Yet it is this groundwork, this forward thought that you put in place TODAY that will propel you and lead you into greatness in 2020 and beyond. Designing a new decade rests in your ability to vision, in your willingness to be curious, in your awareness of where you are now and what you most want to curate. Essentially, curating what's next is about tapping into today with confidence, conviction, and decision. Leading YOU starts now. This is your new next. It is your choice.
Sometimes to get to that 'next', you need to take a step back to reflect. Please pardon my asking you to spend time in yesterday. Those who know me personally, know that I created and continue to grow my business based on enabling the present moment as a springboard for living your legacy. So, indulge me here! True, I am asking you to peek into the past, yet it is only in order for you to bring the essence of that past forward into this moment called NOW.
One of the best ways to tap into what's next is to clarify what drives you. To design a new decade, ask yourself this question about the past ten years:
What worked? What were my successes?
Make a list of your achievements big and small. Don't type them, but rather use ink and paper and sit with and savor them. Move your thoughts and your successes from your head, to your heart, to your pen, to the paper. Remember that on the flip side of goals not attained and New Year's resolutions abandoned, there was more than likely some traction and action that moved you forward, even if the end result was not what you expected. Once you have a full list of a decade's worth of personal and professional accomplishments, think about how this makes you feel. Do you remember celebrating all of them? My guess is no. So, celebrate them now. Give them new life by validating them. Circle the successes that resonate with you most right now. Where can you lean into those accomplishments as you power into the decade ahead?
Now comes a tougher question, one that I used myself in my own mid-life reinvention and a question I adore because in a moment's time it provides you with a quick reconnect to your unique inner voice.
If it were 10 years ago and nothing were standing in your way, no fear or excuses to contend with…what would you do?
Don't overthink it. The brilliance of this question is that it refocuses purpose. Whatever first came to mind when you answered this for yourself is at its core a powerful insight into defining and redefining the FUTURE decade. Bring your answer into the light of today and what small piece of it is actionable NOW? Where is this resonating and aligning with a 2019 version of yourself?
Then, based on your success list and your answer to the above question, what is your 2020 vision for your business and for the business of YOU?
Designing a new decade begins as a collection of 3,650 opportunities. 3,650 blank slates of new days ahead in which to pivot and propel yourself forward. Every single one of those days is a window into your legacy. An invitation to be, create, explore, and chip away at this thing we call life. One 24-hour segment at a time.
While you have a decade ahead to work on design improvements, you have the ability to begin manifesting this project of YOU Version 2020 right NOW. Based on exploring the exercises in this post, begin executing your vision. Ask questions. Be present. Let go of 2019 and the past 10 years so that you can embrace the next 10. Position acceptance and self-trust at the forefront of how you lead you. One choice at a time.
Don't get bogged down in the concept of the next 10 years. Instead position clarity and intention into each new day, starting today. Then chase every one of those intentions with an in-the-moment commitment and solution toward living a legendary life!