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What It’s Like Being A 'Door Girl' Disrupting an Industry Of 'Door Men'

3min read
Business

This is nightlife, where everyone is beautiful, champagne pours like water and people quickly spend thousands. But this doesn't just happen by chance, it takes the right person, and in our case a team, to filter a crowd and create the right vibe inside. If you have ever attended a nightclub in a major city, you've probably witnessed the infamous front doorman.


This person decides who gains access to a nightclub or party and this position comes with a few familiar but unspoken rules. Doormen have a reputation of being inhospitable, saying “no" just because they can, taking money at the door, and judging the crowd based off of looks. This position was notoriously held by a man; until we (VIPER by KCH) came around and decided to change the rules.

VIPER is an all female front of house operations and logistics team. We're based in LA and almost two years old. We run the front entrance and guest check in for most major events in the city, as well as a popular Hollywood nightlife venue.

So what is it like to be a door GIRL disrupting an industry of door MEN?

It's uncharted territory that comes with sexism but also the opportunity to shift an industry where women are either there to look pretty or pour a drink.

Kelsi Kitchener

1. You often get the question: “Can I speak to your boss?"

Oh honey I am the boss… Whether it's in line with my personal morals or not, my job is keeping the uninvited party crashers out. So when doing this, most people ask where my boss is or angrily demand to see my supervisor to go above me. Rarely does a doorman hear this because guests understand his position and authority.

Celeste Durve and Kelsi Kitchener

2. Prepare to be ignored

It is always interesting to watch people walk up to a rope and look over or around you to find someone “in charge". A guests can look straight at us standing at the door with clipboards or iPads and still talk to any man they see before approaching a woman. Either they find a security guard or ask another guest who is in charge of the door.

3. It's an opportunity to represent women in charge.

Typically venues and events end up male dominated from security teams, to management, to promoters. Being a door girl allows you to bring a feminine energy amidst a LOT of testosterone. VIPER Girls greet every guest warmly while maintaining professionalism and authority. Doormen have the reputation of being too aggressive too quickly, so we do our best to change that by treating every guest with respect (even those we have to turn away).

Celeste Durve

4. You Call Your Own Shots

Unfortunately, It's common for women to endure disrespect to protect their jobs in any field; and the nightlife industry can be particularly derogatory. Being a door girl in charge comes with the unique capability to stand your ground.

When promoters get aggressive or guests make insulting comments, we have the last word on how the night ends for them. This is a small but important way of women getting stand up in an industry where they are normally told to stay seated.

5. Always a Good Experience.

We've had clients go from saying “a woman couldn't run our door" to never operating without us there. At first glance, guests are surprised to see an all female team only to later tell us that their experience at the front enhanced their mood inside. We custom tailor our operation per our client's specific needs and gratifying to see people recognize our value and strengths.

As door girls, we have a unique job full of ups and downs. Some nights we laugh and others we cry, but there is definitely never a dull moment.

Our newsletter that womansplains the week
5min read
Health

Patriarchy Stress Disorder is A Real Thing and this Psychologist Is Helping Women Overcome It

For decades, women have been unknowingly suffering from PSD and intergenerational trauma, but now Dr. Valerie Rein wants women to reclaim their power through mind, body and healing tools.


As women, no matter how many accomplishments we have or how successful we look on the outside, we all occasionally hear that nagging internal voice telling us to do more. We criticize ourselves more than anyone else and then throw ourselves into the never-ending cycle of self-care, all in effort to save ourselves from crashing into this invisible internal wall. According to psychologist, entrepreneur and author, Dr. Valerie Rein, these feelings are not your fault and there is nothing wrong with you— but chances are you definitely suffering from Patriarchy Stress Disorder.


Patriarchy Stress Disorder (PSD) is defined as the collective inherited trauma of oppression that forms an invisible inner barrier to women's happiness and fulfillment. The term was coined by Rein who discovered a missing link between trauma and the effects that patriarchal power structures have had on certain groups of people all throughout history up until the present day. Her life experience, in addition to research, have led Rein to develop a deeper understanding of the ways in which men and women are experiencing symptoms of trauma and stress that have been genetically passed down from previously oppressed generations.

What makes the discovery of this disorder significant is that it provides women with an answer to the stresses and trauma we feel but cannot explain or overcome. After being admitted to the ER with stroke-like symptoms one afternoon, when Rein noticed the left side of her body and face going numb, she was baffled to learn from her doctors that the results of her tests revealed that her stroke-like symptoms were caused by stress. Rein was then left to figure out what exactly she did for her clients in order for them to be able to step into the fullness of themselves that she was unable to do for herself. "What started seeping through the tears was the realization that I checked all the boxes that society told me I needed to feel happy and fulfilled, but I didn't feel happy or fulfilled and I didn't feel unhappy either. I didn't feel much of anything at all, not even stress," she stated.

Photo Courtesy of Dr. Valerie Rein

This raised the question for Rein as to what sort of hidden traumas women are suppressing without having any awareness of its presence. In her evaluation of her healing methodology, Rein realized that she was using mind, body and trauma healing tools with her clients because, while they had never experienced a traumatic event, they were showing the tell-tale symptoms of trauma which are described as a disconnect from parts of ourselves, body and emotions. In addition to her personal evaluation, research at the time had revealed that traumatic experiences are, in fact, passed down genetically throughout generations. This was Rein's lightbulb moment. The answer to a very real problem that she, and all women, have been experiencing is intergenerational trauma as a result of oppression formed under the patriarchy.

Although Rein's discovery would undoubtably change the way women experience and understand stress, it was crucial that she first broaden the definition of trauma not with the intention of catering to PSD, but to better identify the ways in which trauma presents itself in the current generation. When studying psychology from the books and diagnostic manuals written exclusively by white men, trauma was narrowly defined as a life-threatening experience. By that definition, not many people fit the bill despite showing trauma-like symptoms such as disconnections from parts of their body, emotions and self-expression. However, as the field of psychology has expanded, more voices have been joining the conversations and expanding the definition of trauma based on their lived experience. "I have broadened the definition to say that any experience that makes us feel unsafe psychically or emotionally can be traumatic," stated Rein. By redefining trauma, people across the gender spectrum are able to find validation in their experiences and begin their journey to healing these traumas not just for ourselves, but for future generations.

While PSD is not experienced by one particular gender, as women who have been one of the most historically disadvantaged and oppressed groups, we have inherited survival instructions that express themselves differently for different women. For some women, this means their nervous systems freeze when faced with something that has been historically dangerous for women such as stepping into their power, speaking out, being visible or making a lot of money. Then there are women who go into fight or flight mode. Although they are able to stand in the spotlight, they pay a high price for it when their nervous system begins to work in a constant state of hyper vigilance in order to keep them safe. These women often find themselves having trouble with anxiety, intimacy, sleeping or relaxing without a glass of wine or a pill. Because of this, adrenaline fatigue has become an epidemic among high achieving women that is resulting in heightened levels of stress and anxiety.

"For the first time, it makes sense that we are not broken or making this up, and we have gained this understanding by looking through the lens of a shared trauma. All of these things have been either forbidden or impossible for women. A woman's power has always been a punishable offense throughout history," stated Rein.

Although the idea of having a disorder may be scary to some and even potentially contribute to a victim mentality, Rein wants people to be empowered by PSD and to see it as a diagnosis meant to validate your experience by giving it a name, making it real and giving you a means to heal yourself. "There are still experiences in our lives that are triggering PSD and the more layers we heal, the more power we claim, the more resilience we have and more ability we have in staying plugged into our power and happiness. These triggers affect us less and less the more we heal," emphasized Rein. While the task of breaking intergenerational transmission of trauma seems intimidating, the author has flipped the negative approach to the healing journey from a game of survival to the game of how good can it get.

In her new book, Patriarchy Stress Disorder: The Invisible Barrier to Women's Happiness and Fulfillment, Rein details an easy system for healing that includes the necessary tools she has sourced over 20 years on her healing exploration with the pioneers of mind, body and trauma resolution. Her 5-step system serves to help "Jailbreakers" escape the inner prison of PSD and other hidden trauma through the process of Waking Up in Prison, Meeting the Prison Guards, Turning the Prison Guards into Body Guards, Digging the Tunnel to Freedom and Savoring Freedom. Readers can also find free tools on Rein's website to help aid in their healing journey and exploration.

"I think of the book coming out as the birth of a movement. Healing is not women against men– it's women, men and people across the gender spectrum, coming together in a shared understanding that we all have trauma and we can all heal."

https://www.drvalerie.com/