Finance 12 November 2018
My husband is my personal superhero. He is a great match for me in every way and has one of the kindest hearts of any man I know. Coming into our marriage I knew that finances were the leading cause of divorce. I did not tread lightly or believe that love would conquer all. I had the financial education to know how to set things up so that money was never something that came between us.
My father always made it his top priority to educate my sister and I on finances. When my sister was twelve and wanted to buy her own computer my dad asked her, "Is that an appreciating asset or a depreciating asset?" This was designed to instill in us early on that your money should always be used to make you more money, and that my sister and I had the power to do so.
I have continued this approach into my financial education as an adult, taking business courses, reading books on how to invest and build your wealth and speaking to everyone I could who was more educated than I was in the area.
I have developed a clear view of the financial world because of this education and how this macrocosm manifests itself in our personal lives-- namely in relationships. It has always been important to me to keep my marriage clear and healthy in all areas; and keeping our money clear is an extension of how committed I am to my husband.
You have to look at the future of your relationship with a sober perspective, rather than a romantic lens. Viewing finances pragmatically is what will allow the romance of your relationship to thrive and grow over time. Hoping that things will change or get better with time is succumbing to your romantic lens, and it leaches the relationship of its peace over time.
Here are three steps to keep your relationship financially healthy.
Be Clear on What your Contribution is:
One of the things that creates resentment in relationships is when one partner works and brings in the money, and the other stays at home. In many relationships, the partner who stays home doesn't feel like they have a right to the money and will not ask for what they really want, because they weren't the ones who went out and earned it.
If you are in a relationship, you are being a contribution in some way, whether it is raising children or caring for your home. If you agree to both live off one partner's income, this doesn't mean the partner who didn't directly earn it wasn't a major support in their spouse's life.
This comes down to self-worth. We often assume that the role of our partner is to remind us of our self-worth, but that is not a reasonable expectation of them. If you don't value what you have to contribute, you cannot expect your partner to. You really have to look at how you value your contribution to the relationship and what you would like to have in your life- whether or not you're the main source of income.
Consider How You Tend to Spend Your Money:
You need to be clear on how you and your partner tend to function with regard to money. What are your saving and spending habits and what are your partner's? If you are someone who likes to spend $600 on a pair of shoes now and then, how does that make your partner feel? If you have always wanted a boat but your partner doesn't share the same nautical dreams, you need discuss this before you enter into the next phase of your relationship. Most people are not willing to be honest about their financial aspirations because they believe that if an agreement is not reached, it will threaten the relationship. This is rarely the case. The real threat is having the difference in opinion erode the relationship over time as it becomes apparent in different situations.
Make a Deal and Deliver:
This is a conversation where you sit down with your spouse and write down everything that is required in the relationship. Who takes out the trash, who brings in the money, who makes sure the kids have brushed their teeth and how many nights a week does each person make dinner?
In my house, my husband and I both bring in the money, we split the bills, I make dinner every night and he minds the bills and takes care of his beautiful gardens. The greater the detail, the greater the ease. People avoid putting this into practice because it takes away the romantic notion. The opposite is true, when you have this clarity, it leaves more space for romance.
The Secret to Having Money Is Making More than you Spend:
Now this is quite an obvious sentiment and I am being a bit facetious here. I wish this point was as obvious in practice as it is on paper.
This is a total myth. This mindset is designed to control us into being average earners and big consumers. If you open up any good financial book, you will realize that setting yourself up to have money is as easy as learning to cook or do basic math. I am at an advantage because I was raised in a household where this type of attitude was valued, but I have seen people learn this in adulthood successfully time and time again.
Being in a relationship is about finding someone who makes your life happier, lighter and greater. The romantic partner you choose becomes the most important business relationship in your life. What if it was easier than it seemed to have a healthy relationship with your partner and your money?
From Your Site Articles
The current state of the world definitely affected us in many ways, it made us stay locked up in our homes away from all the social events and seemingly fun stuff. But the responsibilities didn't just vanish into thin air, they are still there, waiting to be organized and prepared. Times are super hectic and you are probably not in the mood to think about the foreseeable future, but there are ways to turn in into a fun time. Starting a journal or making a simple calendar can bring you peace, use that creative time to yourself and relax while doing it. Grab your colored pencils, stickers, scraps, and everything in between, your inner DIY queen is about to jump out!
Fill in the blank
So probably the easiest way to start when it comes to making your own calendar is by simply printing a blank template found online. This way you'll have a base, a blank canvas if you will. Take all the materials that you have in your house, like washi tapes, sticky notes, glittery colorful pens and anything you can think of that could work as a decoration on your calendar. And go at it! There are no rules when it comes to decorating, it's super personal and it can differ from person to person.
The only real advice you'll need is to leave some space while decorating, don't overdo it since it will clutter and distract you from the written parts. Finding the perfect template that will suit your aesthetic is extremely easy and fast, a simple google search could get you whatever you want and the best part is, it's free! There are many printable options out there, so don't worry about not finding something you'd like, the possibilities are endless and you'll find just the right calendar you imagined!
Start from scratch
If you don't have a printer at home or you're just determined to make the calendar yourself, there are awesome ways to make the best and most unique personalized calendar there is. This gives you the full freedom to do whatever you can think of, want to make a calendar from old newspapers, do it! Want to cut out a certain shape and disguise the calendar as an art piece in your kitchen, why not?
Nothing is stopping you when it comes to unleashing your creative side, use everything that you can get your hands on, think outside the box, don't be afraid to experiment. Making a calendar from scratch is an amazing opportunity to explore your artistic side, especially if you've been busy with work and responsibilities. This is a great excuse to do something creative, at the end of the day you are making it for the purpose of being more organized and having everything mapped out and planned. So make this time, the best time possible, be free and create!
Mix and match
Since there are absolutely no rules when making any diy project at home, what's stopping you from making the ultimate, super personal calendar! If you have basic knowledge in photoshop, you can even modify the blank calendars you got online, add pictures of your loved ones and family, maybe your pets or anything you like, and then print it out. Or you can print the blank template right away and add pictures or polaroids later on by using some washi tape.
Also, you can even paint over the printed blank calendar, this is a good option for those who aren't as skilled, so you'll have a base to start, just dip in your paintbrush in some acrylic or watercolor paints (or whatever you have around the house) and go for it. This is a great way to start doing artsy projects while still having some form of direction and help.
Sure keeping your priorities at bay and making plans and notes for everything is important...but the heart of this project has to be your willingness to turn something as boring and blank as a calendar into something spectacular. This calendar should proudly be up on your kitchen wall, so loud and colorful it just draws your attention to it.
If the calendar is decorated, personalized, and fun to look at, maybe it will inspire you to look forward to some events or responsibilities even if you didn't feel like it in the first place. So be creative and free, there are no rules so just go at it. With everything that happened this year, try to be positive and find little joys in seemingly insignificant things like diy calendars!