#SWAAYthenarrative

How I Set Out To Detox My Life to Achieve Success Without Stress

4min read
Self

Vacations are meant to recharge us. We plan a specific time away, with specific people to relax, rest, and have a little fun. Most of us allow one or two weeks annually to escape our obligations for what we actually want and need daily - peace and harmony. So, we plan, pack, and set off for reprieve all the while knowing our life and all of its chaos will be there waiting when we return with a sunburned nose and sand in our luggage. We want a life we love, but we live a life we tolerate instead

Why is it that we believe we cannot have peace and harmony as part of our everyday lives? Moreover, when did we decide we deserve less than that? We grabbed this belief because someone handed it to us. Like a massive boulder, we assumed we had to hold on to it. We complain about how heavy it is to our co-workers as we book our flights for vacation twice a year. We have never considered trading it in for a better way or even questioned why we grabbed it in the first place! We have believed the old lie, and we have built our lives in support of it. I wanted something different, and I set out to create it since no one else knew how - not even Google.

Two years ago, when I became a professional coach, I set a huge goal for myself, which at the time seemed completely and utterly out of reach. The goal: to create a life I didn't need a vacation from, a life where I didn't feel like escaping everything and everyone.

At that time, I was in a very abusive relationship, and around me, all I could see was toxic drama and disappointment. I had no idea how to change it, and each day was more painful than the last. I was drowning and the boulder I was carrying made it impossible to float. Part of the reason I became a coach was my passion for helping others create a life they love. Isn't it always true what they say, "the mechanic's car is usually broken down!" My life was screaming for a significant change, and this vision became my inspiration.

I have helped many people change their lives for the better. I had become a certified yoga teacher, learned quantum healing techniques, and had even gathered quite a long list of students and clients - all creating a life they loved, with my guidance and support. It would make perfect sense that the Universe would require me to do this for my own experience, and I was ready.

However, life on the inside for me was hitting rock bottom. I didn't shy away from this at all; in fact, I often shared my painful experiences in my teachings. It wasn't that I lived a double life as much as I had to master this lesson for myself to become crucially aligned in my work. My personal life would need a deep detox and total overhaul for my life's purpose to reach its fullest potential. Now, I show others how to create a life they love, including the masterful integration of their personal and professional lives.

My personal life would need a deep detox and total overhaul for my life's purpose to reach its fullest potential.

I left my abusive marriage. I started over and put into place firm boundaries regarding whom and what I allowed into my new creation. Ultimately, this also meant ending a very toxic relationship with my mother, as well. As a mother of two children myself, I became resolute in my decisions regarding how we spent our time at home. For me, creating a life I loved included the following new guidelines and boundaries:

•Toxic people out - even relatives if necessary

•Less doing and more being

•Create fun (and functional) spiritual practices

•Guard your vision with fortitude

•Filter what doesn't fit your vision

•Let go of your old life - completely

•Trade victimhood for victory (and accountability) in every area

Creating a life you love sounds flowery, but taking action is anything but an easy process. There have been plenty of nights I have cried myself to sleep shedding the layers of my old self and coming to terms with the fact I had created a life I hated before I could create one I loved. Rebuilding my personal life and maintaining professional integrity (while being a single mother of two!) has been incredibly humbling, painful, and downright draining. So, why do I recommend it?

Because the alternative is far worse, and mere existence is a choice. A choice I would no longer tolerate. A life of peace and harmony was what I wanted and moreover what my children and I deserved. Through very specific choices, I chose to create a life I didn't need to vacate. It's glorious, and even the bumps in the road are far less treacherous.

My personal space is my sanctuary. My life is quite simple and drama-free. I am happier than I have ever been before. I don't 'need' a vacation from life because as my own life became more aligned with my professional mission, opportunities came rushing in to match this frequency. Now, I travel often (to incredible places) co-leading retreats and personal growth trainings to help others create this for themselves. Loving, empowering, and honest people surround me. I no longer feel any desire to escape, and I can honestly say - this is living. By embracing and claiming what I wanted, and doing the work, I changed everything.

Do not wait to claim what you want. Tell yourself the truth and see who stands next to you as you pursue it with all your heart. Those are your people, love them, thank them. As I look back, the only thing I question was why I didn't do it sooner. However, my answer to that is simple, each lesson had its unique timeline, and only when I had graduated one, I became prepared for the next. Divine timing and truth brought me to one hell of a fork in the road, and as the poem goes, I took the path less traveled, which has made all the difference. Living a life you truly love isn't out of reach unless you keep choosing to live a life you tolerate. Choose wisely.

3 min read
Lifestyle

Help! My Friend Is a No Show

Email armchairpsychologist@swaaymedia.com to get the advice you need!

Help! My Friend Is a No Show

Dear Armchair Psychologist,

I have a friend who doesn't reply to my messages about meeting for dinner, etc. Although, last week I ran into her at a local restaurant of mine, it has always been awkward to be friends with her. Should I continue our friendship or discontinue it? We've been friends for a total four years and nothing has changed. I don't feel as comfortable with her as my other close friends, and I don't think I'll ever be able to reach that comfort zone in pure friendship.

-Sadsies

Dear Sadsies,

I am sorry to hear you've been neglected by your friend. You may already have the answer to your question, since you're evaluating the non-existing bond between yourself and your friend. However, I'll gladly affirm to you that a friendship that isn't reciprocated is not a good friendship.



I have had a similar situation with a friend whom I'd grown up with but who was also consistently a very negative person, a true Debby Downer. One day, I just had enough of her criticism and vitriol. I stopped making excuses for her and dumped her. It was a great decision and I haven't looked back. With that in mind, it could be possible that something has changed in your friend's life, but it's insignificant if she isn't responding to you. It's time to dump her and spend your energy where it's appreciated. Don't dwell on this friend. History is not enough to create a lasting bond, it only means just that—you and your friend have history—so let her be history!



- The Armchair Psychologist

Need more armchair psychologist in your life? Check out the last installment or emailarmchairpsychologist@swaaymedia.com to get some advice of your own!