If you don't have a history of being paired with wonderfully knowledgeable and encouraging supervisors, you're not alone. According to the latest research from Gallup, only 18 percent of U.S. managers were scored as having "high talent" in leadership skills.
The research also shows that approximately 51 percent of U.S. managers are not engaged in their work. This figure is depressing, but it pales in comparison to the overall figure for employee disengagement in this country – a whopping 87 percent of employees are not engaged in their work (Gallup).
Engagement, as we all know, is the standard catch-all term for the level of care and effort one invests in his or her job. Low engagement translates to a slew of business challenges – including high rates of turnover, poor productivity and a suffering bottom line. In my experience interacting with lackluster managers, there's a high personal toll as well. When you care intensely about your job but are forced into daily conflict with a disengaged, overbearing or inadequate supervisor – your quality of life is deeply affected. To save future generations from these harrowing experiences, I recommend righting the wrong by striving to be the boss you always wished you could have had. Here's how to begin.
1. Earn Trust, Don't Assume It
Good bosses don't put up sky-high walls or throw you under the bus.
All good relationships – personal and professional – are grounded in trust. Before any positive or productive outcomes can be built, one must believe that a person is who they claim to be, and believe that they will do what they say they'll do. This is a widely accepted fundamental truth. And yet, a recent survey from Harvard Business Review found that roughly 58 percent of U.S. employees would trust a total stranger more quickly than they'd trust their own boss. What does this say about the American workplace? What kind of culture are we creating for our employees if we don't even have their trust?
To begin to improve your own trust ratio, I recommend looking for an opportunity to proactively open up to each of your direct-reports about some of your own professional or even personal challenges. Set a closed door session with an employee, then push yourself to be as candid as possible in sharing your story. Wrap up by asking genuine questions – and vowing to keep the conversation entirely to yourself. This interaction won't magically create the perfect tight-knit relationship, but will be only the first of many steps needed for establishing improved trust. I experienced this firsthand when I opened up with my employees and the public about my family's challenges going through IVF. We've been eager to have more children and the process has been unbelievably difficult. I felt that sharing some of what we're dealing with would encourage others to open up, and show that we're all human after all. The response has been tremendous, and I'm glad I had the opportunity to unveil my story.
2. Get Personal About Appreciation
A great boss makes you feel seen, heard, understood and valued.
We're hearing more and more these days about the importance of employee recognition and appreciation. Many of us are aware of the circulating statistics on the high numbers of employees who leave their jobs partially because of a "lack of appreciation." This global study from O.C. Tanner Learning Group cites the number as high as 79 percent. In response, many organizations are putting processes into place to improve recognition in a formal, standardized way. Managers are handing out monthly employee awards or dutifully listing team accomplishments as part of meeting agendas. To be an exceptional boss, this type of appreciation won't come close to cutting it.
When employees say they want to feel appreciated at work, most aren't looking for an influx of award certificates or celebratory gift cards. They're looking to feel personally valued – like their contributions are both understood and important. This kind of recognition begins and ends with a thriving manager-employee relationship. Make time to get to know your direct-reports, listen intently to the details of their achievements, and then repeat back the nuances of their hard work to their teams and your senior leadership. In other words, don't be like a former supervisor of a friend of mine (one who shall not be named). She not only took credit for my friend's achievements in meetings with senior leaders, she rarely even allowed her the opportunity to speak in important meetings. This is not the path to making your employees feel appreciated.
3. Cultivate Future Bosses
The best boss is one who prepares you to someday be a great boss yourself.
As a savvy manager, your responsibilities extend beyond preparing and supporting your direct-reports to fulfill the requirements of their positions. As a leader and a mentor, you're also responsible for guiding and empowering your employees to ascend into supervising positions themselves. This is unfortunately rare in today's business community – a recent study from CareerBuilder.com found that a staggering 58 percent of managers stated they never received any kind of management training. To defy this trend, you must make room in your busy schedule to go above and beyond. This means making time for coaching employees through senior-level assignments, checking in on professional development progress, occasionally delegating major responsibilities, looking for opportunities to shape and mold burgeoning management style, and carving out time for one-on-one mentorship conversations. A colleague once told me a horror story about a job that required her to execute complex assignments without even having a designated supervisor. The person who should have been managing her had left the company and had not been replaced, leaving her with little to no direction on her job responsibilities. She was able to coach herself by reading the archived emails of her missing supervisor, and it became a valuable learning experience – but this won't be the outcome for most employees left to their own devices.
While all of these actions will require time and investment, the payoff will come via increased loyalty, better retention rates, improved productivity and performance, and perhaps even a mutually beneficial lifelong professional relationship for both of you.
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We are living in a time when women are rising to new heights which means they are regularly being confronted with the fear of being "too much". For women in business this is pervasive and costly.
A few ways women can be perceived as "too much" are:
Speaking up about their successes and achievements.
Sharing one too many photos of their cute kids.
Telling one too many people about that date night.
Looking a little too good in that swimsuit.
These can lead to being publicly attacked on social media or privately slandered which in turn leads to women dimming their light and walking on egg shells in hopes of avoiding conflict and judgement.
The minute a woman feels it's unsafe to shine she will begin to overthink, worry, and fear how she shows up in the world.
Forgetting to announce the book is done and the interview is live.
Choosing to focus on what's still on the to-do list rather than what's been checked off.
Many female entrepreneurs are subconsciously altering their behavior in an attempt to not attract too much attention to themselves, rather than focusing on allowing authenticity and magnetism to attract their ideal clients and community.
Women are afraid of being criticized, ostracized, and abandoned by other women for simply being who they are. This leads to quite the quantum when being who you are is simplest way to accelerate the growth of your business.
New research shows men are far more comfortable with self promotion than women are. Researchers found that men rate their own performance 33 percent higher than equally performing women. What we know is that self promotion pays off and this is where women are missing the boat.
The world needs more women to step into leadership roles and no longer be intimidated about creating six and seven figure careers.
Here are five ways to release the fear of being "too much":
1. Approve of yourself.
While it feels good to receive outside validation it will never be enough if you don't first appreciate yourself. The key to having a healthy support system is to make sure you are part of it. Being your biggest critic is what your mother's generation did. It's now time to be your biggest cheerleader. Becoming aware of self talk will reveal what belief is ready to be re-wired. Create a simply mantra that affirms how incredible capable you are.
2. Connect deeply to those you serve.
One powerful way to shift out of people pleasing behavior is to get clear on who actually matters to the wellbeing and success of your life and business. Leadership is not about being the most popular, instead it's a decision to be brave for those who can't be. Take a few minutes each day to visualize and meditate on those your business serves and supports. See your future clients moving toward you every time you choose to stand in your power and use your authentic voice.
3. Remember the legacy you wish to leave.
Having your life purpose and legacy in writing is one of the most transformational exercises you can do. Reading this often will keep you focused on what matters. Knowing what you wish to leave in the hearts of those you love most is incredibly grounding. You didn't come here to keep your mouth shut, dilute your truth, or dim your light-you came here to make a difference.
4. Forgive those who have been unsupportive in the past.
The past has a way of informing the future in a negative way when there is unresolved pain. Take a few minutes to get quiet and ask yourself who you have unforgiveness towards or maybe their name came to mind as you read this article. Listening to a forgiveness meditation or writing a letter to the person you are ready to forgive are both simple and effective ways to process and heal.
5. Be part a community of bright, successful women.
Meaningful relationships with others who have similar aspirations is what will keep you out of isolation and playing small. These connections can happen in a networking group, online community or a local Meetup. Thriving in every area of life is depend on you knowing where you belong and being celebrated there. Don't wait to be invited, go actively seek out people and places that support your dreams and desires.
6. Accept you can have it all.
Women have been fed a lie for generations that says, you can have love or money. Decide you can have it all and allow it to flow to you. You can have a successful career and an amazing mother. You can balance motherhood and loving marriage. Don't let anyone write the rules for you. This is the time to create the life you desire on your terms.
7. Celebrate everything!
The fastest way to leave the haters in the dust is to celebrate everything! At the end of each day lay in bed and recall the best moments. At the end of each week, publicly acknowledge and celebrate what's good in your life. Once a month, have a celebration dinner and share it with those who have helped you in the journey. If there's something good happening, talk about it with everyone who will listen!
May you be a woman who chooses to shine so that others may be reminded of all they can be and do.