4min readBusiness 23 July 2019
If you don't have a history of being paired with wonderfully knowledgeable and encouraging supervisors, you're not alone. According to the latest research from Gallup, only 18 percent of U.S. managers were scored as having "high talent" in leadership skills.
The research also shows that approximately 51 percent of U.S. managers are not engaged in their work. This figure is depressing, but it pales in comparison to the overall figure for employee disengagement in this country – a whopping 87 percent of employees are not engaged in their work (Gallup).
Engagement, as we all know, is the standard catch-all term for the level of care and effort one invests in his or her job. Low engagement translates to a slew of business challenges – including high rates of turnover, poor productivity and a suffering bottom line. In my experience interacting with lackluster managers, there's a high personal toll as well. When you care intensely about your job but are forced into daily conflict with a disengaged, overbearing or inadequate supervisor – your quality of life is deeply affected. To save future generations from these harrowing experiences, I recommend righting the wrong by striving to be the boss you always wished you could have had. Here's how to begin.
1. Earn Trust, Don't Assume It
Good bosses don't put up sky-high walls or throw you under the bus.
All good relationships – personal and professional – are grounded in trust. Before any positive or productive outcomes can be built, one must believe that a person is who they claim to be, and believe that they will do what they say they'll do. This is a widely accepted fundamental truth. And yet, a recent survey from Harvard Business Review found that roughly 58 percent of U.S. employees would trust a total stranger more quickly than they'd trust their own boss. What does this say about the American workplace? What kind of culture are we creating for our employees if we don't even have their trust?
To begin to improve your own trust ratio, I recommend looking for an opportunity to proactively open up to each of your direct-reports about some of your own professional or even personal challenges. Set a closed door session with an employee, then push yourself to be as candid as possible in sharing your story. Wrap up by asking genuine questions – and vowing to keep the conversation entirely to yourself. This interaction won't magically create the perfect tight-knit relationship, but will be only the first of many steps needed for establishing improved trust. I experienced this firsthand when I opened up with my employees and the public about my family's challenges going through IVF. We've been eager to have more children and the process has been unbelievably difficult. I felt that sharing some of what we're dealing with would encourage others to open up, and show that we're all human after all. The response has been tremendous, and I'm glad I had the opportunity to unveil my story.
2. Get Personal About Appreciation
A great boss makes you feel seen, heard, understood and valued.
We're hearing more and more these days about the importance of employee recognition and appreciation. Many of us are aware of the circulating statistics on the high numbers of employees who leave their jobs partially because of a "lack of appreciation." This global study from O.C. Tanner Learning Group cites the number as high as 79 percent. In response, many organizations are putting processes into place to improve recognition in a formal, standardized way. Managers are handing out monthly employee awards or dutifully listing team accomplishments as part of meeting agendas. To be an exceptional boss, this type of appreciation won't come close to cutting it.
When employees say they want to feel appreciated at work, most aren't looking for an influx of award certificates or celebratory gift cards. They're looking to feel personally valued – like their contributions are both understood and important. This kind of recognition begins and ends with a thriving manager-employee relationship. Make time to get to know your direct-reports, listen intently to the details of their achievements, and then repeat back the nuances of their hard work to their teams and your senior leadership. In other words, don't be like a former supervisor of a friend of mine (one who shall not be named). She not only took credit for my friend's achievements in meetings with senior leaders, she rarely even allowed her the opportunity to speak in important meetings. This is not the path to making your employees feel appreciated.
3. Cultivate Future Bosses
The best boss is one who prepares you to someday be a great boss yourself.
As a savvy manager, your responsibilities extend beyond preparing and supporting your direct-reports to fulfill the requirements of their positions. As a leader and a mentor, you're also responsible for guiding and empowering your employees to ascend into supervising positions themselves. This is unfortunately rare in today's business community – a recent study from CareerBuilder.com found that a staggering 58 percent of managers stated they never received any kind of management training. To defy this trend, you must make room in your busy schedule to go above and beyond. This means making time for coaching employees through senior-level assignments, checking in on professional development progress, occasionally delegating major responsibilities, looking for opportunities to shape and mold burgeoning management style, and carving out time for one-on-one mentorship conversations. A colleague once told me a horror story about a job that required her to execute complex assignments without even having a designated supervisor. The person who should have been managing her had left the company and had not been replaced, leaving her with little to no direction on her job responsibilities. She was able to coach herself by reading the archived emails of her missing supervisor, and it became a valuable learning experience – but this won't be the outcome for most employees left to their own devices.
While all of these actions will require time and investment, the payoff will come via increased loyalty, better retention rates, improved productivity and performance, and perhaps even a mutually beneficial lifelong professional relationship for both of you.
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Help! My Friend Is a No Show
Dear Armchair Psychologist,
I have a friend who doesn't reply to my messages about meeting for dinner, etc. Although, last week I ran into her at a local restaurant of mine, it has always been awkward to be friends with her. Should I continue our friendship or discontinue it? We've been friends for a total four years and nothing has changed. I don't feel as comfortable with her as my other close friends, and I don't think I'll ever be able to reach that comfort zone in pure friendship.
Dear Sadsies,I am sorry to hear you've been neglected by your friend. You may already have the answer to your question, since you're evaluating the non-existing bond between yourself and your friend. However, I'll gladly affirm to you that a friendship that isn't reciprocated is not a good friendship.
I have had a similar situation with a friend whom I'd grown up with but who was also consistently a very negative person, a true Debby Downer. One day, I just had enough of her criticism and vitriol. I stopped making excuses for her and dumped her. It was a great decision and I haven't looked back. With that in mind, it could be possible that something has changed in your friend's life, but it's insignificant if she isn't responding to you. It's time to dump her and spend your energy where it's appreciated. Don't dwell on this friend. History is not enough to create a lasting bond, it only means just that—you and your friend have history—so let her be history!
- The Armchair Psychologist