4min readSelf 27 December 2019
From my childhood through the early days of my career, one carrot always loomed clearly in the distance: money. Growing up, my family earned a modest income, so we always had to be extremely financially conscious with every decision.
So after graduating college, I thrilled my grandmother when I snapped up a position as project manager for IBM Global Services and plunged myself into the "security" of a corporate job. I gave it all the dedication and passion I could, but every day I felt myself becoming more and more unfulfilled. Why? What did I have to complain about? I had an important position with a Fortune 100 company, and I was climbing their ladder, quickly. I had a great salary that afforded me a nice car and a very comfortable apartment. My Grandmama and my mom could sleep like a baby knowing that their little Teneshia had grown up to be a self-supporting woman on an executive fast track. But something was wrong, and every day, I grew a little more heavy-hearted.
Beginning on Fridays, I'd try to lose myself in a cloud of parties and other weekend outings with friends. Then, at the first sign of a darkening Sunday sky, I'd feel a familiar creep of sadness at which point I'd call my mother and sing the blues of dread for the Monday to come. In keeping with my professional and financial ambitions, I enrolled in graduate school, and the demands of my job plus grad school wore even more heavily on my already exhausted psyche. But it was in a higher education classroom that I was offered the miracle of awareness. One of my professors asked the class a simple question: "What's been the driving force behind most of your major life decisions?" When I think back to that day, my eyes sometimes still well up with tears at my realization that the desire to make money had been the basis for some of the most important choices in my one and only life. No wonder I was not happy. I not only wasn't pursuing a purposeful life, I didn't even know enough about myself to understand what my purpose might be. And I certainly didn't have any idea how to pursue purpose in a professional way. But in that class I took the first step.
I began the journey by going through a self-reflective exercise during which I pondered, If I were able to look at myself from the inside out, what would I find? What are my natural skills and talents? And which of these talents am I passionate about?
I scribbled a list of words: Creative. Organized. Project Management. Fashion. Entertainment. Culture. Each word conveyed something about my passions. Simple as that exercise sounds, it was an enormous step toward my changing my life completely.
Next I had to figure out how and where could I use and develop my skills. So I looked for opportunities that would let me learn while helping. This led me to volunteer on a movie set in the film's fashion department. While this once-in-a-lifetime experience actually earned me a move credit, more important is that it pushed me one step closer to figuring out what I wanted to do with my life—by showing me where I didn't belong. Fashion as a career wasn't a fit for me, but I learned that time spent figuring out where you don't belong is time very well spent. I call this the "purpose process of elimination." Every job, task, or challenge you take on and discover that you don't like moves you closer to understanding what your purpose is. You just need to drive and courage to keep moving.
Next, I landed a volunteer position for RUSH Communication, a New York based entertainment and media company that was driving pop culture across several categories including fashion, music, and community empowerment. Aha! Now I was beginning to feel the click. It was there that I discovered the thrill of making a positive impact on multicultural communities. After some time with RUSH, I also discovered that I missed some of the structure I'd experienced at IBM. So I wondered, how might I combine my newly discovered purpose with structure and organization? What better way than to captain my own ship? That ship eventually became EGAMI Group, my New York based, multicultural marketing agency that works with Fortune 100 companies to create campaigns that meaningfully engage multicultural audiences. Purpose. For me now, every day feels defined by purpose, and I'm elevated by the reminder that purpose is a journey, not a destination. What a gift I gave myself by looking for that purpose and creating a life that honors it! Now one of my greatest goals is to help other people forge purposeful paths for themselves. Consider these questions as you try to define your purpose:
- What brings you your greatest joy?
- What are you most curious about?
- What gifts, talents, and skills come to you naturally?
- What are your weaknesses and strengths?
- What inspires you?
- What annoys you?
- What would you do every day without pay?
The answers to these questions will help you recognize and define your own purpose. And once you see it more clearly, what might you do about that?
How my Sundays have changed. Long gone are the end-of-weekend blues. Now a Sunday night means, "Yes! Tomorrow begins another week to make a positive mark on the world."
You can find out more about my book, The Big Stretch, here.
5 Min Read
You may recognize Judge, Tanya Acker, from her political and legal commentary on different networks and shows like Good Morning America, The Talk, Wendy Williams, CNN Reports or The Insider. Acker is more than an experienced commentator. She is also a Judge on the fifth season of Emmy nominated CBS show, Hot Bench.
Acker's career has been built around key moments and professional experiences in her life.
The show, created by Judge Judy, is a new take on the court genre. Alongside Acker, are two other judges: Patricia DiMango and Michael Corriero. Together the three-panel judges take viewers inside the courtroom and into their chambers. “I feel like my responsibility on the show is, to be honest, fair, [and] to try and give people a just and equitable result," Acker says. She is accomplished, honest and especially passionate about her career. In fact, Acker likes the fact that she is able to help people solve problems. “I think that efficient ways of solving disputes are really at the core of modern life.
“We are a very diverse community [with] different values, backgrounds [and] beliefs. It's inevitable that we're going to find ourselves in some conflicts. I enjoy being a part of a process where you can help resolve the conflicts and diffuse them," she explains.
Acker's career has been built around key moments and professional experiences in her life. Particularly, her time working right after college impacted the type of legal work she takes on now.
Shaping Her Career
Acker didn't foresee doing this kind of work on television when she was in college at either Howard University or Yale Law. “I was really open in college about what would happen next," Acker comments. “In fact, I deliberately chose a major (English) that wouldn't lock me into anything [because] I wanted to keep all of my options open." Her inevitable success on the show and throughout her career is an example of that. In fact, after graduating from Yale, Acker served as a judicial law clerk to Judge Dorothy Nelson who sits on the Ninth U.S. Circuit Court of Appeals.
It was not only her first job out of law school but also one of the formative experiences of her professional life. “[Judge Nelson is] certainly, if not my most important professional influence," Acker says. “She is really the living embodiment of justice, fairness, and believes in being faithful to the letter and the spirit of the law," she exclaims. “She delivers it all with a lot of love." Judge Nelson is still on the bench and is continuing to work through her Foundation: The Western Justice Center in Pasadena, California, where Acker serves on the board. The foundation helps people seeking alternative ways of resolving their disputes instead of going to court.
"I enjoy being a part of a process where you can help resolve the conflicts and diffuse them," she explains.
“It was important to her to try and create platforms for people to resolve conflict outside of court because court takes a long time," Acker explains. “I'm proud to be a part of that work and to sit on that board."
After her clerkship, she was awarded a Bristow Fellowship and continued building her career. Outside of the fellowship, Acker's legal work incorporated a broad variety of matters from civil litigation, constitutional cases, business counseling, and advising. One of her most memorable moments was representing a group of homeless people against the city. “They were being fought for vagrancy and our defense was, they had no place to go," she shares.
As part of her pro bono work, Acker was awarded the ACLU's First Amendment Award for her success with the case. Though, she has a hard time choosing from one of many memorable moments on Hot Bench. Acker does share a few of the things that matter to her. “Our show is really drawn from a cross-section of courtrooms across America and the chance to engage with such a diverse group of people really means a lot to me," she discusses.
How Did Acker Become A Judge?
In addition to Judge Nelson, Judge Judy is certainly among her top professional influences. “I think it's incredible [and] I feel very lucky that my professional career has been bookended by these incredible judges," she acclaims. “I've really learned a lot from Judy about this job, doing this kind of job on television." Before Acker was selected for Hot Bench, she hadn't been a judge. It was Judge Judy who recommended that she get some experience. Acker briefly comments on her first experience as a temporary judge on a volunteer basis in traffic court. “I was happy to be able to have the chance to kind of get a feel for it before we started doing the show," she comments. “Judy is a wonderful, kind, generous person [and] she's taught me quite a lot. I feel lucky."
Photo Courtesy of Annie Shak.
Acker's Time Away From Home
Outside of Hot Bench, Acker took recent trips to Haiti and Alabama. They were memorable and meaningful.
Haiti, in particular, was the first trip she excitedly talks about. She did some work there in an orphanage as part of LOVE Takes Root, an organization that is driven to help children around the world whether it's basic aid or education. “Haiti has a special place in my heart," she began. “As a person who's descended from enslaved people, I have a lot of honor and reverence for a country that threw off the shackles of slavery."
She was intrigued by the history of Haiti. Especially regarding the communities, corrupt government and natural disasters. “They really had to endure a lot, but I tell you this when I was there, I saw people who were more elegant, dignified, gracious and generous as any group of people I've ever met anywhere in the world," she goes on. “I think it left me with was a strong sense of how you can be graceful and elegant under fire." Acker is optimistic about the country's overall growth and success.
“[Judge Nelson is] certainly, if not my most important professional influence," Acker says. “She is really the living embodiment of justice, fairness, and believes in being faithful to the letter and the spirit of the law."
“There are certainly times when people treated me differently or made assumptions about me because I was a black woman," Acker says. “I've got it much better, but that doesn't mean it's perfect...it certainly isn't, but you just have to keep it moving."
Her other trip was different in more ways than one. She traveled there for the first time with her mother as part of a get out to vote effort, that Alabama's First black House Minority Leader, Anthony Daniels was organizing. “It was incredible to take that trip with her [and] I've got to tell you, the South of today is not the South of my mother's upbringing," she explains. Originally from Mississippi, Acker's mother hasn't been back in the South since 1952. “Every place has a ways to go, but it was a really exciting trip [and] it was nice for me to connect with that part of the country and that part of my history."
Overcoming Racial Barriers
As a black woman, Acker has certainly faced challenges based on her race and gender. But it doesn't define who she is or what she can accomplish. “There are certainly times when people treated me differently or made assumptions about me because I was a black woman," she says. “There's no sort of barrier that someone would attempt to impose upon me that they didn't attempt to impose on my mother, grandmother or great-grandmother." In a space where disparity is sometimes apparent, she recognizes that there is no barrier someone would try to impose on her that they didn't attempt to impose on her mother or grandmothers. “I've got it much better, but that doesn't mean it's perfect...it certainly isn't, but you just have to keep it moving," Acker states. The conversation continues truthfully and seriously. Acker shares what it can be like for black women, specifically. “I think we're underestimated and we can be disrespected, whereas other folks are allowed the freedom to enjoy a full range of emotions and feelings," she articulates.
At times black women are often restricted from expressing themselves. “If someone wants to make an assumption or jump to a conclusion about me because of my race or gender, that's on them, but their assumptions aren't going to define me," Acker declares. “If something makes me angry or happy I will express that and if someone wants to caricature me, that's their pigeonholing; that's not my problem." A lifelong lesson she learned and shared is to not let other people define who you are. It is one of three bits of wisdom.
Three Pieces Of Advice From Judge Acker
The Power Of Self-awareness
“It's really important that you have a really firm sense of what you want to do and be, and how you're moving in the world because when people try to sway you, judge you or steer you off course you've got to have some basis for getting back on track."
Know Your Support System
“Have a strong community of people who you trust, love and who love you," she advises. “But also learn to love and trust yourself because sometimes it's your own voice that can provide you the most comfort or solace in something."
Learn From Your Experiences
“Trust yourself. Take care of yourself. Don't be too hard on yourself. Be honest with yourself.
“There are times when it's not enough to say this is who I am. Take it or leave it. Sometimes we've got things that we need to work on, change or improve upon," she concludes.
Acker stands out not only because of her accomplishments, but the way she views certain aspects of her life. These days, she's comfortable accepting what makes her different. “I think there's a time when you're younger when conformity feels comfortable, [but] I'm comfortable these days not conforming," she laughs. She enjoys being a decision maker and helping people work through it on Hot Bench.
This article was originally published May 15, 2019.