#SWAAYthenarrative

2020 Clean Eating: How I Tap Into The Power of Food to Look and Feel My Best

5 Min Read
Health

As humans, with the curiosity to learn and the drive to create + experience, we can nourish our minds, souls, and bodies to the fullest extent possible. Yet recently, and especially within the wellness space, we have exploited the notion of balance. We've created conflicting diets, programs, and trends that tell you to eat "x" and avoid "y" at all costs. It can leave us obsessive, anxious, frustrated, or shameful. We forget the power of food as medicine and turn it into a way to look our best

After years of trying various different diet plans out there and being vegan for 2 years, healthy or "clean" eating to me looks like enjoying beautiful, wholesome foods that you actually look forward to and completely S A V O R. It's developing an active and healthy intuition-based relationship with food. It's being able to listen to your body and eat what you know your body wants. When we eat from a place of love - a love for the food itself and the experience of eating or sharing a meal - we are so much more able to give our body exactly what it needs.

The idea of having "balance" can be overused and lose its potency. It's a beautiful notion, but if we obsess over the purpose of maintaining a perfect balance in everything we do, we set ourselves up to fail. We're never going to obtain balance, but if we can decide to show up as we are then, we're able to rise and meet our highest self. Balance is eating a leafy, veggie-rich salad because your body hasn't had greens in a while; it's also enjoying a decadent cup of hot cocoa while snuggled up on the couch with your family. Finding balance and tapping into your intuition is never fear-based or controlling, it's listening inward and following mindful food choices that lead to a strong sense of what works for YOUR body and eventually leads to your everyday reality.

Clean eating and maintaining balance comes from following your intuition and cultivating a healthy relationship with food.

You have to determine what works for YOU and you alone. Each meal is a gift and energy you have the opportunity to create. Give yourself forgiveness and release any guilt you have around food. Choose to rediscover your body through food.

Tips For Maintaining Balance + Eating Clean In 2020

● Keep a food journal. Start with 3 days and write down everything you eat and how you felt after. After three days, notice if any patterns or observations that come up. Every food has a different energy and responds to your unique body differently.

● Each meal is an opportunity to start fresh. Say, for example, there's a night where you had bowl after bowl of ice cream, and you end of feeling a wash of shame over it (as we so often do when it comes to what we eat). Instead, tell yourself that you can start the day fresh tomorrow with a nutrient-dense brekkie. We can always begin again. A bump along the way is just that — a bump — not a detour.

● Practice gratitude. While you're preparing your food or during a meal, find gratitude in the practice of fueling your body with the bounty given us here on the planet. Listen to soulful music that brings you happiness and makes you want to dance as you pour love into your meal.

● Similarly, try to prepare your own food as often as you can! You're so much more intentional in what you eat when you make a dish yourself and know what ingredients are going directly into your body. This will also give you the opportunity to make more health-conscious substitutions. For example, if you're gluten-free and the recipe calls for flour, you can sub a wheat-free, nutrient-dense flour.

● Allow yourself a treat every once in a while! It's a source of pleasure and a way to let go. There are 365 days in a year, and if we commit to fueling and nourishing our body then there are definitely times here and there when we can enjoy the birthday cake, cookies, fries, etc. that feel GOOD at that moment.

● Create a clean food kitchen. Toss out anything processed, anything with high fructose corn syrup, anything with gluten, and anything that you question whether it's healthy or not. Don't be afraid to let it go, I promise you you can always find it again at the store if you MUST have it.

● Don't worry so much about calories [that's so 1990's! ]but instead about nutrients. If you eat nutrient-dense foods, you will be full and satiated for longer. The rule of thumb when you're eating is to think about NUTRIENTS, not just energy/calories. Ask yourself what NUTRIENTS are in your meal, not just putting empty calories into your body. For example, when reaching for a snack, don't eat 5 rice crackers because they are low in calories, eat an apple, and a handful of almonds because then you're getting vitamins, fiber, protein, and good fats (and you'll stay fuller longer!).

This article was originally posted December 30, 2019.

6 Min Read
Self

Why Women — Even Successful Women — Doubt What They Deserve

Self-care is not selfish.

What do you believe you deserve? That's a pretty loaded question, isn't it? In more than twenty years working as a women's life coach, I've asked it thousands of times, and I've received countless answers. The majority of responses I've received have been disheartening, and they've revealed a startling truth. Women - even very successful, accomplished women - doubt their deservingness.

Deservingness is not to be confused with entitlement. Entitlement is about believing you have a right to something. Deservingness is about how much you believe you're worth.

When you doubt your deservingness, what you're really uncertain about is whether or not you measure up. Are you good enough? (YES.) You've made some pretty big mistakes. Do those bad blunders make you a bad person? (NO.) Are you a good enough person to deserve good things? (YES. YOU ARE.)

Many women carry around a secret shame that impacts their feelings of self-worth and deservingness.

Our stories are individual, but our core experiences are very much the same.

At some point in your life, someone told you there was something wrong with you. This is inevitable, of course, because there's something wrong with all of us, but it gets to dangerous and disempowering territory through repetition.

If even one person in your life tells you over and over again that there's something wrong with you, well, you can start to believe them. Being rejected or criticized hurts, and it has a cumulative effect. Imagine every criticism you've ever received is a tiny little pin that landed right in your heart. (Seriously bad visual, right? Wouldn't your heart look like a pincushion if that was the case?) Beyond hurting like hell, a heart full of pins holds you back and makes you play small. YOU ARE NOT SMALL. I want you to stop acting like you are.

In life, you always create the results you believe you deserve. If you don't believe you deserve good things, you won't let yourself have them.

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You'll sabotage, procrastinate, and excuse the good right out of your life if you don't believe you deserve it. Happily, you can raise your sense of deservingness, and deepen your feelings of personal worth. I'm going to show you how today. It's time to start believing in you again.

Step 1 – Take good care of yourself.

On the face of it, you'd think this advice would be obvious and unimpeachable. Of course you have to take care of yourself. The problem with this truth is that there are whole communities of people who will try to convince you that prioritizing your needs makes you a selfish person. (And who wants to be seen as selfish?)

I've never encountered a woman who hadn't heard some version of this self-care-is-selfish-nonsense. The thing is, these messages are about control, and they come from people who are happy to keep you down and disempowered. (Which makes it easier for them to manipulate you.) Do not fall for this line of hooey.

Self-care is not selfish. Self-neglect is selfish.

Self-neglect tells you that you don't matter. It asks you to stuff your wants and repress your emotions. When you chronically neglect yourself, eventually, you turn into a repressed, angry, self-doubting zombie (or banshee depending on your anger level). Nothing about self-neglect is attractive. I want you to stop doing it. TODAY.

We need you in top form. There is purpose in your life. To make good on it, you need to connect with your SELF. The most fundamental way to begin that process is to take care of your physical body. When I'm working with a client, we practice four physical care basics. (I practice these guys too. Religiously.)

  • SLEEP: You need seven to eight hours of sleep. Every night. No exceptions.
  • HYDRATE: You need proper daily hydration. Water is energy.
  • NOURISH: You need to eat food that nourishes. Not just food that fills your stomach.
  • RELEASE YOUR STRESS: You need some way to unload your tension. Think working out, meditation, journaling, gardening, prayer, sitting in nature, cooking, or hot scented bathing. Let. It. Go. Girl. ☺

Notice I said, "you need." These are non-negotiable requirements. If you're tempted to argue against your ability to practice them, please pause. I've heard every excuse known to woman. And I don't buy a single one of them. We're in a no-excuses zone now. You don't get to argue against yourself and also be empowered. It doesn't work that way. You have to choose.

If you haven't taken care of yourself in a long time, this topic can feel totally overwhelming. I understand, and I want you to do it anyway. Remember, I'm your coach. A loving boot-in-the-butt will sometimes be required in our relationship. Consider this my velvet tipped toe, making contact with that booty of yours.

Take a deep breath and start tackling your care basics. You DO have time. You are NOT selfish, and there's no wrong way to do this except not to do it at all. Practice makes powerful. SO PRACTICE!

Okay, time to up the ante a little bit. This next step is harder.

Step 2 – Be someone you can count on.

You can't think your way into believing in your own worth, but you can act your way there. As it turns out, keeping the commitments you make to yourself increases your feelings of worth and deservingness, and strengthens your confidence too.

Think about it. You make countless commitments every day. The trouble bis that most of them are for other people. When you don't have a strong sense of your own worth, you agree to most incoming requests. Which means you're probably way overcommitted.

When your calendar is crowded, and something's got to give, you're the one who usually goes. Because it's easiest to break commitments to you, right?

WRONG!

Every time you break a commitment to yourself, what you're really doing is showing yourself, through your own inaction, that you don't matter. NO! Bailing on yourself is like giving your hopes and dreams a big middle finger. (Please stop doing it.)

It's time to start following through FOR YOU. Don't panic. I'm not suggesting you stop doing things for other people. As a woman, you're a natural-born nurturer. Of course, you're going to do it for other people. I just want you to add yourself to the list of people-you-do-for.

The best way to get a handle on showing up for yourself is to start paying attention to what's going on when you don't. What causes you to cross yourself off your own list? When you bring your triggers into your awareness, you'll notice a pattern, which will give you the power to make changes.

Take things one choice at a time. Whenever possible, choose to follow through for you. Every time you do, you remove one of those tiny little heart pins and strengthen your sense of worth and deservingness.

Now for the hardest part…

Step 3 – Stand up for yourself.

When you don't believe in your own deservingness, you become an earner. Meaning, you spend your time and energy earning love. This can show up in a lot of different ways. We'll talk about three of them here.

  • You could be a PLEASER. You say yes when you mean no. You do a ton of favors. You're secretly annoyed the entire time you're doing them, but you keep doing them anyway.
  • You might be a PERFORMER. You're the life of the party and an overachiever. You use material items and accolades like money, degrees, titles, and awards to prove your worth. (I used to be this girl.)
  • It's possible you're a DOORMAT. This pattern is most damaging because it means you're allowing other people to treat you poorly. On the extreme end of the spectrum, this could look like allowing people to demean, degrade, or disrespect you. Even on the lesser end of things, it means you allow people to get away with passive-aggressive comments, or take advantage of you. On any end of the spectrum, doormat behavior is toxic.

It gets worse. When you live as an earner, you attract users. (That's just as bad as it sounds.) There are unfortunately people in the world that will live at your expense without giving it a second thought. If you're willing to give it, they'll take it, and even talk themselves into believing they deserve what they're taking. These kind of people like to keep you small, scared, and doubting your deservingness. (Then you do whatever they want. Whenever they want you to.)

YOU MUST STAND UP FOR YOURSELF.

Start by catching yourself in the act of playing the earner. What and who triggers the earner response in you? What are you afraid of? What are you trying to prove? If you feel drained or bad about yourself after you're with a specific person or in a certain place, you need to think twice about being with that person or in that place.

I know this is easier said than done. It's possible the people who make you feel bad are co-workers or family members. It's not like you can just stop seeing them, right? If you find yourself in this position, there is only one path. You need to speak up for yourself. Stat.

For help, you can check out three of my other blogs. They'll show you how to stop living like a pleaser, set some boundaries, and say no like you mean it. Will you be uncomfortable? Yep. You will. Can you handle it? Yes. You can. Be willing to be uncomfortable. Speak up. Stand up. Stop accepting less than you deserve.

Every time you speak up for yourself, you remove another pin from your heart, raise your sense of deservingness and you deepen your own sense of worth. You also show other women what it looks like to know your worth and live like you know it. Which encourages them to do it too. (THAT is female power.)

You are good, and you deserve good things. You deserve acceptance, belonging, and love. There's no mistake in you, my sister. YOU ARE GOOD ENOUGH. Just as you are.

My mission is your empowerment. That's why I'm here. If you haven't already joined my community, please do it by entering your email (www.kimberlyfulcher.com). Until we meet again, know that life is happening for you.

You've Got This!

Kim

Originally published at www.kimberlyfulcher.com

This article was originally published November 25, 2019.