Culture 13 February 2019
Dating in 2019 is really difficult and complicated. This is your first myth that I can bust. There are so many reasons why millenials and others aren't finding love these days, but most of it has to do with navigating online dating and they way they go about it. It is different, but not as difficult as singles make it out to be. Dating is the same as it has always been. Boy meets girl, or boy meets boy, or girl meets girl, and wham! They are struck by cupid's bow and the rest is history. It's the very same formula. Getting to that though is what has changed.
It's the meeting part that has changed. Navigating the online dating aspect makes people think there is an endless supply of singles. There aren't.
It's an algorithm and that's why you see the same people over and over. That said, take a positive spin and you will see that r as opposed to previous generations, you actually have it better because online dating allows you to meet more people than in the past. It's this idea that there is an unlimited supply of singles creating issues. Singles tend to not spend as much time getting to know someone and moving on too soon to the next person looking for instant gratification. You could meet the one over and over but keep passing because you don't know how to effectively date online. Here are a few other common misconceptions about dating that are totally baseless:
1. All men want to date younger women. This is simply not true. Men date women their own age and also younger women. I am a matchmaker so I would know. Most women just focus on this negativity, and think they will never find love with a man their own age. It's true when they believe it to be.
2. It's great to be a cougar and now women can find love find love with a younger man. No, it isn't great to be a cougar. Aside from the usual May-December relationships, younger men date older women for the same reasons younger women date older men: the money and not love. Cougar women don't understand they aren't getting love. You get used. Men trade money for beauty and youth. It works the same way.
3. You have only one soulmate. There Is really no such a thing as a soulmate. Is it really just someone that reminds you of someone in your past? This is just crazy to pass people up for all the wrong reasons.
4. You need to have chemistry on a first date to go out on a second. Simply not true. In fact, chemistry develops over time. What most people refer to as chemistry is a familiar feeling or attraction to someone whereas chemistry is a slow burn. Always have a 2nd date,.
5. You should wait a certain amount of time to text someone back so as not to appear too eager. Please, this is based on don't call someone back for three days. This will only make the texter feel you aren't that interested. Lose these arbitrary rules.
6. You have to kiss a lot of frogs before finding your prince. This is just a saying. Don't spend your time with any frogs (people you don't like) thinking you are paying your dues. You know what you want and go after it. Paying your dues is for things like your career, not your romantic interests.
7. People can't change. It's a known fact that personalities change over time. What most people though are referring to is behavior. You might not like a person's behavior towards you such as being non committal. Simply don't put up with it, and they might change their behavior.
8. All women want to get married and have babies. I have seen many more men bring that up to their detriment on a first dat. Women get the blame.
9. If he doesn't ask you out by Wednesday, you shouldn't go out. This is a good guideline for planning your weekend, but as long as you aren't someone's last minute option, if he asks you out on Friday, and you want to go, go and have a blast already.
10. You shouldn't ever ask a guy out since you are old fashioned. Please, if you don't someone else will! What you shouldn't do is continuously chase someone you aren't interested in.
11. Just yell next since there is an endless supply of dating prospects online. Simply not true as stated above. This is why you keep seeing the same people over and over.
13. You shouldn't date but one person at time. No, you need to date many people at first instead of zeroing in one person. Chances are, you will miss out on others if you constantly take yourself off the market for short, numerous short stints. Date until you meet the one that appears to be able to give you what you want.
14. You have a type. Oh God, as matchmaker, I am sick of this, No, you know what you are familiar with, but the person you fall for you wouldn't have picked out of a lineup. You need to date many different types before settling on the one.
15. You need to be exclusively dating after about a month. The only way this applies if you want to be with the wrong person. You should wait for about 3 months before making this type of commitment. This is when you see the real person, and then you can determine if they can meet your needs and requirements in a relationship. It's okay to only be seeing them only, but don't narrow your focus just yet. This is a mistake too many people make.
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Help! My Friend Is a No Show
Dear Armchair Psychologist,
I have a friend who doesn't reply to my messages about meeting for dinner, etc. Although, last week I ran into her at a local restaurant of mine, it has always been awkward to be friends with her. Should I continue our friendship or discontinue it? We've been friends for a total four years and nothing has changed. I don't feel as comfortable with her as my other close friends, and I don't think I'll ever be able to reach that comfort zone in pure friendship.
Dear Sadsies,I am sorry to hear you've been neglected by your friend. You may already have the answer to your question, since you're evaluating the non-existing bond between yourself and your friend. However, I'll gladly affirm to you that a friendship that isn't reciprocated is not a good friendship.
I have had a similar situation with a friend whom I'd grown up with but who was also consistently a very negative person, a true Debby Downer. One day, I just had enough of her criticism and vitriol. I stopped making excuses for her and dumped her. It was a great decision and I haven't looked back. With that in mind, it could be possible that something has changed in your friend's life, but it's insignificant if she isn't responding to you. It's time to dump her and spend your energy where it's appreciated. Don't dwell on this friend. History is not enough to create a lasting bond, it only means just that—you and your friend have history—so let her be history!
- The Armchair Psychologist