Dating in 2019 is really difficult and complicated. This is your first myth that I can bust. There are so many reasons why millenials and others aren't finding love these days, but most of it has to do with navigating online dating and they way they go about it. It is different, but not as difficult as singles make it out to be. Dating is the same as it has always been. Boy meets girl, or boy meets boy, or girl meets girl, and wham! They are struck by cupid's bow and the rest is history. It's the very same formula. Getting to that though is what has changed.
It's the meeting part that has changed. Navigating the online dating aspect makes people think there is an endless supply of singles. There aren't.
It's an algorithm and that's why you see the same people over and over. That said, take a positive spin and you will see that r as opposed to previous generations, you actually have it better because online dating allows you to meet more people than in the past. It's this idea that there is an unlimited supply of singles creating issues. Singles tend to not spend as much time getting to know someone and moving on too soon to the next person looking for instant gratification. You could meet the one over and over but keep passing because you don't know how to effectively date online. Here are a few other common misconceptions about dating that are totally baseless:
1. All men want to date younger women. This is simply not true. Men date women their own age and also younger women. I am a matchmaker so I would know. Most women just focus on this negativity, and think they will never find love with a man their own age. It's true when they believe it to be.
2. It's great to be a cougar and now women can find love find love with a younger man. No, it isn't great to be a cougar. Aside from the usual May-December relationships, younger men date older women for the same reasons younger women date older men: the money and not love. Cougar women don't understand they aren't getting love. You get used. Men trade money for beauty and youth. It works the same way.
3. You have only one soulmate. There Is really no such a thing as a soulmate. Is it really just someone that reminds you of someone in your past? This is just crazy to pass people up for all the wrong reasons.
4. You need to have chemistry on a first date to go out on a second. Simply not true. In fact, chemistry develops over time. What most people refer to as chemistry is a familiar feeling or attraction to someone whereas chemistry is a slow burn. Always have a 2nd date,.
5. You should wait a certain amount of time to text someone back so as not to appear too eager. Please, this is based on don't call someone back for three days. This will only make the texter feel you aren't that interested. Lose these arbitrary rules.
6. You have to kiss a lot of frogs before finding your prince. This is just a saying. Don't spend your time with any frogs (people you don't like) thinking you are paying your dues. You know what you want and go after it. Paying your dues is for things like your career, not your romantic interests.
7. People can't change. It's a known fact that personalities change over time. What most people though are referring to is behavior. You might not like a person's behavior towards you such as being non committal. Simply don't put up with it, and they might change their behavior.
8. All women want to get married and have babies. I have seen many more men bring that up to their detriment on a first dat. Women get the blame.
9. If he doesn't ask you out by Wednesday, you shouldn't go out. This is a good guideline for planning your weekend, but as long as you aren't someone's last minute option, if he asks you out on Friday, and you want to go, go and have a blast already.
10. You shouldn't ever ask a guy out since you are old fashioned. Please, if you don't someone else will! What you shouldn't do is continuously chase someone you aren't interested in.
11. Just yell next since there is an endless supply of dating prospects online. Simply not true as stated above. This is why you keep seeing the same people over and over.
13. You shouldn't date but one person at time. No, you need to date many people at first instead of zeroing in one person. Chances are, you will miss out on others if you constantly take yourself off the market for short, numerous short stints. Date until you meet the one that appears to be able to give you what you want.
14. You have a type. Oh God, as matchmaker, I am sick of this, No, you know what you are familiar with, but the person you fall for you wouldn't have picked out of a lineup. You need to date many different types before settling on the one.
15. You need to be exclusively dating after about a month. The only way this applies if you want to be with the wrong person. You should wait for about 3 months before making this type of commitment. This is when you see the real person, and then you can determine if they can meet your needs and requirements in a relationship. It's okay to only be seeing them only, but don't narrow your focus just yet. This is a mistake too many people make.
Personally, I am over the top excited that we are on the cusp of turning the page on not only a new year but also on a new 10-year window of opportunities and possibilities!
You may be thinking, whoa…I am just embracing the fall season…yikes… it is tough to think about a new decade!
Yet it is this groundwork, this forward thought that you put in place TODAY that will propel you and lead you into greatness in 2020 and beyond. Designing a new decade rests in your ability to vision, in your willingness to be curious, in your awareness of where you are now and what you most want to curate. Essentially, curating what's next is about tapping into today with confidence, conviction, and decision. Leading YOU starts now. This is your new next. It is your choice.
Sometimes to get to that 'next', you need to take a step back to reflect. Please pardon my asking you to spend time in yesterday. Those who know me personally, know that I created and continue to grow my business based on enabling the present moment as a springboard for living your legacy. So, indulge me here! True, I am asking you to peek into the past, yet it is only in order for you to bring the essence of that past forward into this moment called NOW.
One of the best ways to tap into what's next is to clarify what drives you. To design a new decade, ask yourself this question about the past ten years:
What worked? What were my successes?
Make a list of your achievements big and small. Don't type them, but rather use ink and paper and sit with and savor them. Move your thoughts and your successes from your head, to your heart, to your pen, to the paper. Remember that on the flip side of goals not attained and New Year's resolutions abandoned, there was more than likely some traction and action that moved you forward, even if the end result was not what you expected. Once you have a full list of a decade's worth of personal and professional accomplishments, think about how this makes you feel. Do you remember celebrating all of them? My guess is no. So, celebrate them now. Give them new life by validating them. Circle the successes that resonate with you most right now. Where can you lean into those accomplishments as you power into the decade ahead?
Now comes a tougher question, one that I used myself in my own mid-life reinvention and a question I adore because in a moment's time it provides you with a quick reconnect to your unique inner voice.
If it were 10 years ago and nothing were standing in your way, no fear or excuses to contend with…what would you do?
Don't overthink it. The brilliance of this question is that it refocuses purpose. Whatever first came to mind when you answered this for yourself is at its core a powerful insight into defining and redefining the FUTURE decade. Bring your answer into the light of today and what small piece of it is actionable NOW? Where is this resonating and aligning with a 2019 version of yourself?
Then, based on your success list and your answer to the above question, what is your 2020 vision for your business and for the business of YOU?
Designing a new decade begins as a collection of 3,650 opportunities. 3,650 blank slates of new days ahead in which to pivot and propel yourself forward. Every single one of those days is a window into your legacy. An invitation to be, create, explore, and chip away at this thing we call life. One 24-hour segment at a time.
While you have a decade ahead to work on design improvements, you have the ability to begin manifesting this project of YOU Version 2020 right NOW. Based on exploring the exercises in this post, begin executing your vision. Ask questions. Be present. Let go of 2019 and the past 10 years so that you can embrace the next 10. Position acceptance and self-trust at the forefront of how you lead you. One choice at a time.
Don't get bogged down in the concept of the next 10 years. Instead position clarity and intention into each new day, starting today. Then chase every one of those intentions with an in-the-moment commitment and solution toward living a legendary life!