Dating in 2019 is really difficult and complicated. This is your first myth that I can bust. There are so many reasons why millenials and others aren't finding love these days, but most of it has to do with navigating online dating and they way they go about it. It is different, but not as difficult as singles make it out to be. Dating is the same as it has always been. Boy meets girl, or boy meets boy, or girl meets girl, and wham! They are struck by cupid's bow and the rest is history. It's the very same formula. Getting to that though is what has changed.
It's the meeting part that has changed. Navigating the online dating aspect makes people think there is an endless supply of singles. There aren't.
It's an algorithm and that's why you see the same people over and over. That said, take a positive spin and you will see that r as opposed to previous generations, you actually have it better because online dating allows you to meet more people than in the past. It's this idea that there is an unlimited supply of singles creating issues. Singles tend to not spend as much time getting to know someone and moving on too soon to the next person looking for instant gratification. You could meet the one over and over but keep passing because you don't know how to effectively date online. Here are a few other common misconceptions about dating that are totally baseless:
1. All men want to date younger women. This is simply not true. Men date women their own age and also younger women. I am a matchmaker so I would know. Most women just focus on this negativity, and think they will never find love with a man their own age. It's true when they believe it to be.
2. It's great to be a cougar and now women can find love find love with a younger man. No, it isn't great to be a cougar. Aside from the usual May-December relationships, younger men date older women for the same reasons younger women date older men: the money and not love. Cougar women don't understand they aren't getting love. You get used. Men trade money for beauty and youth. It works the same way.
3. You have only one soulmate. There Is really no such a thing as a soulmate. Is it really just someone that reminds you of someone in your past? This is just crazy to pass people up for all the wrong reasons.
4. You need to have chemistry on a first date to go out on a second. Simply not true. In fact, chemistry develops over time. What most people refer to as chemistry is a familiar feeling or attraction to someone whereas chemistry is a slow burn. Always have a 2nd date,.
5. You should wait a certain amount of time to text someone back so as not to appear too eager. Please, this is based on don't call someone back for three days. This will only make the texter feel you aren't that interested. Lose these arbitrary rules.
6. You have to kiss a lot of frogs before finding your prince. This is just a saying. Don't spend your time with any frogs (people you don't like) thinking you are paying your dues. You know what you want and go after it. Paying your dues is for things like your career, not your romantic interests.
7. People can't change. It's a known fact that personalities change over time. What most people though are referring to is behavior. You might not like a person's behavior towards you such as being non committal. Simply don't put up with it, and they might change their behavior.
8. All women want to get married and have babies. I have seen many more men bring that up to their detriment on a first dat. Women get the blame.
9. If he doesn't ask you out by Wednesday, you shouldn't go out. This is a good guideline for planning your weekend, but as long as you aren't someone's last minute option, if he asks you out on Friday, and you want to go, go and have a blast already.
10. You shouldn't ever ask a guy out since you are old fashioned. Please, if you don't someone else will! What you shouldn't do is continuously chase someone you aren't interested in.
11. Just yell next since there is an endless supply of dating prospects online. Simply not true as stated above. This is why you keep seeing the same people over and over.
13. You shouldn't date but one person at time. No, you need to date many people at first instead of zeroing in one person. Chances are, you will miss out on others if you constantly take yourself off the market for short, numerous short stints. Date until you meet the one that appears to be able to give you what you want.
14. You have a type. Oh God, as matchmaker, I am sick of this, No, you know what you are familiar with, but the person you fall for you wouldn't have picked out of a lineup. You need to date many different types before settling on the one.
15. You need to be exclusively dating after about a month. The only way this applies if you want to be with the wrong person. You should wait for about 3 months before making this type of commitment. This is when you see the real person, and then you can determine if they can meet your needs and requirements in a relationship. It's okay to only be seeing them only, but don't narrow your focus just yet. This is a mistake too many people make.
"There are no good men out there," yet another woman my age declared. At 50, I was freshly divorced after two decades of marriage and motherhood. My unhappy marriage had shattered my faith in men and romantic relationships. Based on my ex-husband's opinion of my sexual appeal, I was afraid my naked body would cause future lovers to run screaming from the room. Rather gleefully, I announced to my girlfriends that I was done with men, and sex, forever.
For the first year, I got tangled in my sheets alone every night, overjoyed to have the bed and my body to myself. I felt liberated by divorce—free to be me, skip showering, and make dinner for one. But it bothered me when women decried the scarcity of men, because I'd known so many good ones—college boyfriends, my brother, my best friend from business school, etc. The first of many naked truths gradually crept up on me: I was not going to find my juju again through self-help and yoga. The feminist in me didn't want to admit it, but going for too long without men was akin to starvation.
I didn't want another husband. But I needed men, a lot of them.
The universe signaled its approval by sending Mr. Blue Eyes to me at an airport. He was 29 and perhaps the sexiest man I'd ever kissed. Being with him convinced me, pretty decisively, that men were going to heal me, even though men had destroyed me many times before. I became the female incarnation of a divorced, clichéd older man: I bought a sports car, revamped my wardrobe, and took younger lovers. "I want five boyfriends," I told my best friend KC after that first tryst ended. "Sweet, cute, smart, nice. Enough that I won't get too attached to one." My message from the frontlines of divorce at 50 is that to restore your confidence as a woman, especially in the wake of a crushing breakup, try dating outside your comfort zone, expanding your dating pool to include partners you might never have considered before. It may not be the recipe for a lasting union, but in terms of rebuilding your self-esteem, it can work wonders.
The first thing I noticed—and liked—about dating younger men is that they didn't want to marry me or make babies with me. And I didn't want that either. Frankly, I didn't even want them to spend the night. Since I'd been 11, I'd been taught to seek out and value men who wanted commitment. To my surprise, I found it refreshing, even more authentic, to be valued not for my potential as a mate, but instead for my body, intelligence, life-experience and sexuality.
And the sex! I quickly realized that—warning, blanket stereotype coming—men under 40 are more straightforward and adventurous than older men, maybe since they were raised with the Internet. You hear so often about the scourge of crude, sexist online pornography; and I agree that the depersonalization of women as sexual playthings is deeply destructive to all genders. However, from sexting to foreplay, I found younger men uniquely enthusiastic about getting naked and enjoying sex. Every younger man found my most erotic zones faster than any man my age ever had, with a lack of hesitation men over 50 seemed unable to fathom.
Also, about my big fear of getting naked in front of a younger man? Completely unfounded. I started to shake when Airport Boy took off my sundress in our hotel room. Had he ever seen a woman my age nude? How could I stand to be skin-to-skin with a body far more perfect than mine? I had given birth to eight-pound, full-fucking-term babies. I'd nursed them, too, and at times by breasts looked (from my view at least) like wet paper towels. "You have a spectacular body," he told me instead, running his hand over the cellulite on my stomach that I despised. That night I learned that younger men who seek older women accept our physical flaws—they don't expect perfection in someone 20 years their senior. These men taught me to see my body through a positive, decidedly male lens, to focus on the pretty parts (and we all have them) rather than the flaws that we all have too, whether you're 19, 29 or 59.
I even found the pillow talk lighter, easier and more intellectually stimulating, because a younger man's world view differs so vastly from the pressures of my 20-something kids, annual colonoscopies, 401K balance and mortgage payments. They have simple financial problems, like "Can I borrow a few quarters for the parking meter outside?" or "Do you have any advice on consolidating my student loans?"
Everything feels simpler with younger men. Men under 40 seem less threatened by assertive women; they grew up with them. They like cheap beer instead of expensive wine. They don't snore (as much). Leftovers a 55-year-old would scoff at look good to them. Their erections NEVER last more than four hours. Their hard-ons end the old-fashioned way and 45 minutes later they are ready for more.
But what I enjoy most about younger men is not the sex, or the cliché that they make me feel young again—because they don't. Younger men make me feel old, and to my delight, I like that. I feel valuable around younger men, precisely because I am wiser and more experienced in life, love and between the sheets.
I know I'll never end up with one for good. The naked truth is we don't have enough in common to last. One recently put it exactly right when he told me, "I love this, but there's always gonna be a glass ceiling between us." That lack of permanence, the improbability of commitment and "forever," doesn't mean I can't pick up a tip or two about self-esteem, and enjoy the magic of human connection with younger men. And vice versa. The experience can enrich us both, making us better partners for people our own ages down the road.
*My viewpoint is from the perspective of a heterosexual woman, because I am one. But change the gender identification and/or sexual orientation to whatever works for you and let me know if the same advice holds true. Thank you.