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Busting The Modern Myths Of Dating Tactics Of 2019

Culture

Dating in 2019 is really difficult and complicated. This is your first myth that I can bust. There are so many reasons why millenials and others aren't finding love these days, but most of it has to do with navigating online dating and they way they go about it. It is different, but not as difficult as singles make it out to be. Dating is the same as it has always been. Boy meets girl, or boy meets boy, or girl meets girl, and wham! They are struck by cupid's bow and the rest is history. It's the very same formula. Getting to that though is what has changed.


It's the meeting part that has changed. Navigating the online dating aspect makes people think there is an endless supply of singles. There aren't.

It's an algorithm and that's why you see the same people over and over. That said, take a positive spin and you will see that r as opposed to previous generations, you actually have it better because online dating allows you to meet more people than in the past. It's this idea that there is an unlimited supply of singles creating issues. Singles tend to not spend as much time getting to know someone and moving on too soon to the next person looking for instant gratification. You could meet the one over and over but keep passing because you don't know how to effectively date online. Here are a few other common misconceptions about dating that are totally baseless:

1. All men want to date younger women. This is simply not true. Men date women their own age and also younger women. I am a matchmaker so I would know. Most women just focus on this negativity, and think they will never find love with a man their own age. It's true when they believe it to be.

2. It's great to be a cougar and now women can find love find love with a younger man. No, it isn't great to be a cougar. Aside from the usual May-December relationships, younger men date older women for the same reasons younger women date older men: the money and not love. Cougar women don't understand they aren't getting love. You get used. Men trade money for beauty and youth. It works the same way.

3. You have only one soulmate. There Is really no such a thing as a soulmate. Is it really just someone that reminds you of someone in your past? This is just crazy to pass people up for all the wrong reasons.

4. You need to have chemistry on a first date to go out on a second. Simply not true. In fact, chemistry develops over time. What most people refer to as chemistry is a familiar feeling or attraction to someone whereas chemistry is a slow burn. Always have a 2nd date,.

5. You should wait a certain amount of time to text someone back so as not to appear too eager. Please, this is based on don't call someone back for three days. This will only make the texter feel you aren't that interested. Lose these arbitrary rules.

6. You have to kiss a lot of frogs before finding your prince. This is just a saying. Don't spend your time with any frogs (people you don't like) thinking you are paying your dues. You know what you want and go after it. Paying your dues is for things like your career, not your romantic interests.

7. People can't change. It's a known fact that personalities change over time. What most people though are referring to is behavior. You might not like a person's behavior towards you such as being non committal. Simply don't put up with it, and they might change their behavior.

8. All women want to get married and have babies. I have seen many more men bring that up to their detriment on a first dat. Women get the blame.

9. If he doesn't ask you out by Wednesday, you shouldn't go out. This is a good guideline for planning your weekend, but as long as you aren't someone's last minute option, if he asks you out on Friday, and you want to go, go and have a blast already.

10. You shouldn't ever ask a guy out since you are old fashioned. Please, if you don't someone else will! What you shouldn't do is continuously chase someone you aren't interested in.

11. Just yell next since there is an endless supply of dating prospects online. Simply not true as stated above. This is why you keep seeing the same people over and over.

13. You shouldn't date but one person at time. No, you need to date many people at first instead of zeroing in one person. Chances are, you will miss out on others if you constantly take yourself off the market for short, numerous short stints. Date until you meet the one that appears to be able to give you what you want.

14. You have a type. Oh God, as matchmaker, I am sick of this, No, you know what you are familiar with, but the person you fall for you wouldn't have picked out of a lineup. You need to date many different types before settling on the one.

15. You need to be exclusively dating after about a month. The only way this applies if you want to be with the wrong person. You should wait for about 3 months before making this type of commitment. This is when you see the real person, and then you can determine if they can meet your needs and requirements in a relationship. It's okay to only be seeing them only, but don't narrow your focus just yet. This is a mistake too many people make.

Career

Male Managers Afraid To Mentor Women In Wake Of #MeToo Movement

Women in the workplace have always experienced a certain degree of discrimination from male colleagues, and according to new studies, it appears that it is becoming even more difficult for women to get acclimated to modern day work environments, in wake of the #MeToo Movement.


In a recent study conducted by LeanIn.org, in partnership with SurveyMonkey, 60% of male managers confessed to feeling uncomfortable engaging in social situations with women in and outside of the workplace. This includes interactions such as mentorships, meetings, and basic work activities. This statistic comes as a shocking 32% rise from 2018.

What appears the be the crux of the matter is that men are afraid of being accused of sexual harassment. While it is impossible to discredit this fear as incidents of wrongful accusations have taken place, the extent to which it has burgeoned is unacceptable. The #MeToo movement was never a movement against men, but an empowering opportunity for women to speak up about their experiences as victims of sexual harassment. Not only were women supporting one another in sharing to the public that these incidents do occur, and are often swept under the rug, but offered men insight into behaviors and conversations that are typically deemed unwelcomed and unwarranted.

Restricting interaction with women in the workplace is not a solution, but a mere attempt at deflecting from the core issue. Resorting to isolation and exclusion relays the message that if men can't treat women how they want, then they rather not deal with them at all. Educating both men and women on what behaviors are unacceptable while also creating a work environment where men and women are held accountable for their actions would be the ideal scenario. However, the impact of denying women opportunities of mentorship and productive one-on-one meetings hinders growth within their careers and professional networks.

Women, particularly women of color, have always had far fewer opportunities for mentorship which makes it impossible to achieve growth within their careers without them. If women are given limited opportunities to network in and outside of a work environment, then men must limit those opportunities amongst each other, as well. At the most basic level, men should be approaching female colleagues as they would approach their male colleagues. Striving to achieve gender equality within the workplace is essential towards creating a safer environment.

While restricted communication and interaction may diminish the possibility of men being wrongfully accused of sexual harassment, it creates a hostile
environment that perpetuates women-shaming and victim-blaming. Creating distance between men and women only prompts women to believe that male colleagues who avoid them will look away from or entirely discredit sexual harassment they experience from other men in the workplace. This creates an unsafe working environment for both parties where the problem at hand is not solved, but overlooked.

According to LeanIn's study, only 85% of women said they feel safe on the job, a 5% drop from 2018. In the report, Jillesa Gebhardt wrote, "Media coverage that is intended to hold aggressors accountable also seems to create a sense of threat, and people don't seem to feel like aggressors are held accountable." Unfortunately, only 16% of workers believed that harassers holding high positions are held accountable for their actions which inevitably puts victims in difficult, and quite possibly dangerous, situations. 50% of workers also believe that there are more repercussions for the victims than harassers when speaking up.

In a research poll conducted by Edison Research in 2018, 30% of women agreed that their employers did not handle harassment situations properly while 53% percent of men agreed that they did. Often times, male harassers hold a significant amount of power within their careers that gives them a sense of security and freedom to go forward with sexual misconduct. This can be seen in cases such as that of Harvey Weinstein, Bill Cosby and R. Kelly. Men in power seemingly have little to no fear that they will face punishment for their actions.


Source-Alex Brandon, AP

Sheryl Sandberg, Facebook executive and founder of LeanIn.org., believes that in order for there to be positive changes within work environments, more women should be in higher positions. In an interview with CNBC's Julia Boorstin, Sandberg stated, "you know where the least sexual harassment is? Organizations that have more women in senior leadership roles. And so, we need to mentor women, we need to sponsor women, we need to have one-on-one conversations with them that get them promoted." Fortunately, the number of women in leadership positions are slowly increasing which means the prospect of gender equality and safer work environments are looking up.

Despite these concerning statistics, Sandberg does not believe that movements such as the Times Up and Me Too movements, have been responsible for the hardship women have been experiencing in the workplace. "I don't believe they've had negative implications. I believe they're overwhelmingly positive. Because half of women have been sexually harassed. But the thing is it is not enough. It is really important not to harass anyone. But that's pretty basic. We also need to not be ignored," she stated. While men may be feeling uncomfortable, putting an unrealistic amount of distance between themselves and female coworkers is more harmful to all parties than it is beneficial. Men cannot avoid working with women and vice versa. Creating such a hostile environment is also detrimental to any business as productivity and communication will significantly decrease.

The fear or being wrongfully accused of sexual harassment is a legitimate fear that deserves recognition and understanding. However, restricting interactions with women in the workplace is not a sensible solution as it can have negatively impact a woman's career. Companies are in need of proper training and resources to help both men and women understand what is appropriate workplace behavior. Refraining from physical interactions, commenting on physical appearance, making lewd or sexist jokes and inquiring about personal information are also beneficial steps towards respecting your colleagues' personal space. There is still much work to be done in order to create safe work environments, but with more and more women speaking up and taking on higher positions, women can feel safer and hopefully have less contributions to make to the #MeToo movement.