#SWAAYthenarrative

My Black Trans Life As A Former Sex Worker Turned Entrepreneur

4 Min Read
Career

I was heading down a dead-end path to nowhere. One night in February of 2019, I came home from my posh bowling birthday bash to depleted funds and depleted ambition. Drained by the idea that after all these years of living on this earth, not only was I not happy, but I also didn't seem to be moving or growing in the direction I'd envisioned for myself.

Since I was always raised to make a difference and not put limitations on myself, why had I succumbed to my circumstances? Why was I leveraging my time with men for money? Was I only here on earth to be a sex fantasy prop that any man could pick up and put down at will?

We are asking for more inclusion. We are asking to be seen as human beings worthy of love and respect. I believe that sex workers deserve that same respect as well as all LGBTQ+ people.

There is a sexual power that comes with being a woman of trans experience. While some men prefer to keep their infatuation a secret, others have no problem being forward and sometimes even abrasive with their overtly sexualized approach. For a lot of men, "trans" is synonymous with "sex." Knowing this fact, I was able to utilize my business acumen to leverage and cultivate financially beneficial liaisons. I realized that most men just want to be seen and heard. So that's exactly what I did. I became a student of the game. I watched what men reacted to and what they didn't. I watched which kinds of men would spend big money and stayed away from the ones that didn't.

Ultimately, being a student of the game helped me to realize that if I was going to have intercourse at all, it would have to be monetized. I was fired from my job due to workplace discrimination and was left to fend for myself, but I wasn't a victim, I became the victor. I took my power back. I told men what I would and wouldn't do, and in 99% of the cases, I dominated the entire interaction (which they love) from the moment I said hello to the moment they said goodbye.

Regardless of personal feelings, when you come out into the world, we need to work on being better humans.

Eventually, I found myself realizing that I'd been faking all my life and putting on a show that I felt most people would gravitate towards. I didn't have a clear vision for my life, and even as a trans woman, I knew that being a sex worker was not a sustainable path forward. It was time to dig deep in order to get to the root of the issue. It was at this moment of intense sadness that I truly desired change and made a commitment to achieve it. I immediately snapped into action and came across a YouTube video of Coach Stormy Wellington. Inspired by the Coach's words, I got up from misery and made a conscious decision — right then and there — to get motivated again, to get a clear and precise vision for my future, and to put a plan of action into place.

I don't look back and judge my story anymore. Part of my journey was letting go of self-judgement. For me, it was a masterful lesson in self-acceptance. Yes, the odds were stacked against me. Yes, it was awkward at times. Yes, I cried on top of clients when their backs were to me. However, I never gave up on myself, and I didn't give up on my dreams. My real dreams, not the fake dreams I uttered to the clients, as they dont like super ambitious girls. I never stopped believing that one day I would be able to make income without having to leverage my body.

I take a stand for all women that aspire to have more.

Regardless of personal feelings, when you come out into the world, we need to work on being better humans. That's why I feel so strongly about #BlackTransLivesMatter. Being respectful of others and treating them as we ourselves would want to be treated is imperative. This movement happening in our country is for basic human rights! We are asking for more inclusion. We are asking to be seen as human beings worthy of love and respect. I believe that sex workers deserve that same respect as well as all LGBTQ+ people.

I've been blessed to achieve my dream to be recognized all over the world, not only for having great wellness products, but for also adding immense value to my community. I recently co-founded Royal Legacy Wellness, a holistic lifestyle and wellness collective created to educate, empower, and uplift individuals who are ready to take full control of their mind, body, and spirit. My hope now is to be able to help other trans girls like myself that are in the same situation as I was. I take a stand for all women that aspire to have more. I want to position myself in such a way that I can give them the duplicatable blueprint to success. If I can help just one girl like me see that she has value outside of her body parts, my time here on earth will have been worth it.

3 min read
Lifestyle

Help! My Friend Is a No Show

Email armchairpsychologist@swaaymedia.com to get the advice you need!

Help! My Friend Is a No Show

Dear Armchair Psychologist,

I have a friend who doesn't reply to my messages about meeting for dinner, etc. Although, last week I ran into her at a local restaurant of mine, it has always been awkward to be friends with her. Should I continue our friendship or discontinue it? We've been friends for a total four years and nothing has changed. I don't feel as comfortable with her as my other close friends, and I don't think I'll ever be able to reach that comfort zone in pure friendship.

-Sadsies

Dear Sadsies,

I am sorry to hear you've been neglected by your friend. You may already have the answer to your question, since you're evaluating the non-existing bond between yourself and your friend. However, I'll gladly affirm to you that a friendship that isn't reciprocated is not a good friendship.



I have had a similar situation with a friend whom I'd grown up with but who was also consistently a very negative person, a true Debby Downer. One day, I just had enough of her criticism and vitriol. I stopped making excuses for her and dumped her. It was a great decision and I haven't looked back. With that in mind, it could be possible that something has changed in your friend's life, but it's insignificant if she isn't responding to you. It's time to dump her and spend your energy where it's appreciated. Don't dwell on this friend. History is not enough to create a lasting bond, it only means just that—you and your friend have history—so let her be history!



- The Armchair Psychologist

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