Culture 18 December 2019
When it comes to comedy, the most renowned household names in the business are men. This is partially because of the gender divide and the suffocating patriarchy, but also, because men are funnier, right? Women are a little too serious, a little emotional. They don't appeal, per se, to the wider audience, hence why the men make the big bucks, own the late night show slots and dominate the global comedy stage scene. In fact it would appear that the root cause of all the men's success, is wholly due to the fact that women really just aren't funny, at all.
LOL, JK. Women are absolutely hilarious.
Last year was a significant one for women in the comedy world. Amazon's The Marvellous Mrs. Maisel, a look into the very young female comedy scene in New York in the 50s, was released to critical acclaim and a deluge of awards. Chelsea Handler and Chrissy Teigen made a name for themselves as comedic antidotes to the Trump White House. Oh, and Queen Latifah's Girls Trip received 90% on Rotten Tomatoes. It was a good year for women in comedy.
With the change in gears for women in the workplace at home, there has indeed been a shift in the right direction for females in this industry, very traditionally cherished and centred around, male leads. "It's better than it's ever been," says Felicia Madison, a comedian and owner of Laughing Affairs, a company dedicated to bringing female comedians in front of a female audience, that hosts lunchtime gatherings featuring mostly female comics and a hearty amount of midday martinis.
Madison started her comedy career after she'd had children. A good friend of hers was doing standup, and she decided she wanted to try it. “I used comedy in social settings, with my friends, I was always the joke teller," she remarks. "[Before long], I was hooked. I just love it. I haven't stopped taking classes, and performing 2 or 3 times a week."
Felicia Madison, Laughing Affairs owner, mother and Upper West Side comic who stoically makes fun of all of the UWS ladies and her own family. Photo - Jimi Celeste/PMC
The mother of two, having completed her first round of classes, was instructed to bring some friends to shows she would feature in as part of her course.
"In the beginning you had to bring your friends, and the shows would inevitably be in the evening times, when those mothers would be dealing with their homelife, kids etc," says Madison. "Also the humor didn't suit, it was a lot of young people, at night, downtown. So I wanted to bring comedy to them." With this, Madison came up with the concept of a rolling all-female comedy luncheon which would serve as a comedic break for mothers and Upper West Siders alike looking for an outlet whereby both husbands and kids would be the butt of most jokes. "I decided that lunch time would be a great change of pace from everyday life," says Madison.
Jessica Kirson, a featured comic at Felicia Madison's latest laughercise, and a professional face-maker
With this, the host was then tasked with rounding up female comedians to perform at the lunchtime events, which proved an interesting exercise. "I try to stay away from vulgar comedians and from comedy that I don't think would hit that well with my friends," she remarks. "Being it's daytime comedy, people aren't drunk and rowdy, you need a certain type of comedian, who's upbeat. The dry, rye comedians don't work as well (but are still funny)." She began scouring hours of footage from comics online and rounded up her favorites until she had her first line-up in 2016. Since then she's done 10 similar lunchtime events called Laughercise, with 40 female comedians. "I wanted to keep it just women performing for women. It's such a difficult career for women. They have big families, working all day and all night." To introduce some diversity, there has been a few male warmup acts that have delighted in poking fun at the femme-forward crowd.
Madison hasn't just stopped there however. Outside of Laughercise, she works events, travels, and picks up entertainment gigs as they come. It's during these outings that she's had most interaction with the men of the comedy world, and it's these very occasions that gave her pause to expand on the Laughing Affairs agenda.
"They say semen is anti-aging which is great... Because I'm going to have a very young looking lower back"
- Olga Namer, featured Laughercise comic
When it came time for her to book men for a gig or special she would be working that required a male counterpart, Madison was quick to realize the difference between booking men and booking women on the comedy circuit. The responses to her reaching out to male comics were astronomically different to their female counterparts. Where women on the receiving end of a booking were either indifferent to payment, or would ask only the day before the show if and how much they would be receiving, the men were entirely different in their approach. “When I called the men, [they would say] 'call my manager, call my agent,'" she laughs. "And they're charging like three times the amount as the women, even when the women were equally, if not more established. It's not that the women are less business-savvy, it's just that they're nicer."
With this is mind, Madison has set up a recurring panel for women under the Laughing Affairs umbrella to come chat (and joke) about their experience in the comedy world, be it good, bad, or sensational. Her impetus for the talk? Women aren't talking to one another. "The other big thing that I'm trying to achieve is to get more women to help each other," she comments. "There are some women that are very good at reaching out and helping but I find my personal experience in the business so far, is that men are more willing to be helpful than women. I think that [the business] is more competitive [for women]."
Women not helping women is something that has been highlighted across every industry in recent weeks and months, with mentorship programmes sprouting up across the board. So while that aspect is easier to address once identified, it's a woman's attitude and confidence within a certain field that has proven to be more difficult to rectify. “Men ask for stuff," says the comic. "Men call the booker, they email the booker. Women don't ask. So that was the impetus [for the panel]." Charged by what she's seen over the past two years, Madison hopes to change the overwhelming underestimation female comics are suffering from, and to encourage a more open dialogue about pay, terms of service and industry rules. All indeed, in a day's work, with a little laughter to boot.
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Thinking of ringing up your ex during these uncertain times? Maybe you want an excuse to contact your ex, or maybe you genuinely feel the need to connect with someone on an emotional level. As a matchmaker and relationship expert, I was surprised at the start of the coronavirus quarantine when friends were telling me that they were contacting their exes! But as social distancing has grown to be more than a short-term situation, we must avoid seeking short-term solutions—and resist the urge to dial an ex.
It stands to reason that you would contact an ex for support. After all, who knows you and your fears better than an ex? This all translates into someone who you think can provide comfort and support. As a matchmaker, I already know that people can spark and ignite relationships virtually that can lead to offline love, but lonely singles didn't necessarily believe this or understand this initially, which drives them straight back to a familiar ex. You only need to tune into Love Is Blind to test this theory or look to Dina Lohan and her virtual boyfriend.
At the start of lockdown, singles were already feeling lonely. There were studies that said as much as 3 out of 4 people were lonely, and that was before lockdown. Singles were worried that dating someone was going to be off limits for a very long time. Now when you factor in a widespread pandemic and the psychological impact that hits when you have to be in isolation and can't see anyone but your takeout delivery person, we end up understanding this urge to contact an ex.
So, what should you do if you are tempted to ring up an old flame? How do you know if it's the wrong thing or the right thing to do in a time like this? Check out a few of my points before deciding on picking up that phone to text, much less call an ex.
Before You Dial The Ex...
First, you need to phone a friend! It's the person that got you through this breakup to begin with. Let them remind you of the good, the bad and the ugly before taking this first step and risk getting sucked back in.
What was the reason for your breakup? As I mentioned before, you could get sucked back in… but that might not be a bad thing. It depends; when you phoned that friend to remind you, did she remind you of good or bad things during the breakup? It's possible that you both just had to take jobs in different cities, and the breakup wasn't due to a problem in the relationship. Have these problems resolved if there were issues?
You want to come from a good place of reflection and not let bad habits make the choice for you.
Depending on the reason for the breakup, set your boundaries for how much contact beforehand. If there was abuse or toxic behaviors in the relationship, don't even go there. You can't afford to repeat this relationship again.
If you know you shouldn't be contacting this ex but feel lonely, set up a support system ahead of time. Set up activities or things to fall back on to resist the urge. Maybe you phone a different friend, join a virtual happy hour for singles, or binge watch Netflix. Anything else is acceptable, but don't phone that ex.
Write down your reasons for wanting to contact the ex. Ask yourself if this is worth the pain. Are you flea-bagging again, or is there a friendship to be had, which will provide you with genuine comfort? If it's the latter, it's okay to go there. If it's an excuse to go back together and make contact, don't.
Decide how far you are willing to take the relationship this time, without it being a rinse and repeat. If you broke up for reasons beyond your control, it's okay. If your ex was a serial cheater, phone a friend instead.
If there was abuse or toxic behaviors in the relationship, don't even go there. You can't afford to repeat this relationship again.
As life returns to a more normal state and you adjust to the new normal, we will slowly begin to notice more balance in our lives. You want to come from a good place of reflection and not let bad habits make the choice for you. Some do's and don'ts for this time would be:
- Do: exercise — taking care of you is important during this time. It's self-care and maintaining a healthy lifestyle.
- Do: shower, brush your teeth, and get out of your sweats.
- Don't: be a couch potato.
- Don't: drink or eat excessively during this time. Again, remember to maintain a healthy lifestyle.
- Do: think positive thoughts everyday and write down the 3 things you are grateful for. Look at the impact of John Krasinksi's SGN. It's uplifting and when you feel good, you won't want to slide backwards.
- Don't: contact a toxic ex. It's a backward move in a moment of uncertainty that could have a long term impact. Why continue flea bagging yourself?