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HELP! I'm Caught Between Vicious Exes

Lifestyle

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Help! I'm Caught Between Vicious Exes

Dear Armchair Psychologist
My best friend dated my husband's friend and... it didn't work out. With quarantine we've been doing Zoom group calls with a lot of friends. Inevitably, my friend and her ex-husband both end up on video calls, and it's a super awkward conversation. Immediately after the Zoom call both my husband and I get a call from the respective parties complaining about why we would dare to invite the other. How do we de-escalate this situation?
- Cringy

Dear Cringy,

I'm sorry to hear that you and your husband have to suffer through your friends' awkward and stifled Zoom meetings, filled with the air of wrath and hurt that only two disgruntled exes can exude. Relationships between two people that have ended in a less than favorable fashion often leave a trail of confusion and awkwardness behind for the co-mingled friends and relatives. I thought Zoom invites show the emails of the participants? I recommend these two begrudged exes carefully study the Zoom invite list before hopping into the video meetings. And if they continue to insist on bothering you and your husband with their complaints, tell them you have better things to do with your time and that they are invited to hit "decline invite."

- The Armchair Psychologist

Help! I'm Dealing With Heavy Issues

Dear Armchair Psychologist,
I am a successful law professional with a close-knit family. In the last two years, I have lost my mother, father, and currently, my younger sister is in a coma due to suffering from cancer. I was moody, anxious, and also feeling very bloated. I moved to a new city to escape all the pain and start fresh. I started working out and also befriended a 28-year-old man in my condo building. We became close friends, and he has been the best platonic relationship I've had. At once point, his lease was up, and I offered him a room in my gorgeous condo. It's been a year now that we have been roommates and we get along great. Two days ago, he informed me that he's going to see his parents in California. This was news that I didn't take to very well, because I have been super careful with my social distancing and can't even go to my sister's funeral when she finally dies. On top of this, he is flying a dirt cheap airline that is known to transport COVID-19 responders! I'm livid and want to tell him to not come back for a long time? He's putting both me and his elderly parents at risk. What should I do?
- Bloated Dolphin

Dear Bloated Dolphin,

I'm sorry that you are experiencing such difficult losses in your life. It can be life-altering to lose close family members, and I hope you are getting the support that you need. It would be wise to see a qualified therapist to help you navigate these trying times in your life. It is brave of you to move to a new city and open yourself up to new friendships along the way (in this case with the new roommate). I also commend you for working on your health to make yourself feel better. I've never known a Dolphin, whatever its shape, to not be cute.

The COVID-19 pandemic is bringing out a heightened fear in all of us, and I'm sure with everything on your plate, this is an added burden to navigate. You have a right to be concerned about your roommate's travels. The CDC recommends people should only travel if it is "to provide medical or home care to others" or "necessary for a job considered an essential service." Unless he's taking care of his elderly parents or he, himself, is essential to providing a service in this pandemic, then he shouldn't be traveling. I recommend you use a gentle approach and discuss your concerns with him. If he insists on traveling, then you need to discuss and design a careful plan with him on how to quarantine and be safe before re-entering your space. Here's a great guide on this topic. Stay safe and keep doing the great work you're already doing!

- The Armchair Psychologist

Need more armchair psychologist in your life? Check out the last installment or email armchairpsychologist@swaaymedia.com to get some advice of your own!

3 min read
Lifestyle

Help! My Friend Is a No Show

Email armchairpsychologist@swaaymedia.com to get the advice you need!

Help! My Friend Is a No Show

Dear Armchair Psychologist,

I have a friend who doesn't reply to my messages about meeting for dinner, etc. Although, last week I ran into her at a local restaurant of mine, it has always been awkward to be friends with her. Should I continue our friendship or discontinue it? We've been friends for a total four years and nothing has changed. I don't feel as comfortable with her as my other close friends, and I don't think I'll ever be able to reach that comfort zone in pure friendship.

-Sadsies

Dear Sadsies,

I am sorry to hear you've been neglected by your friend. You may already have the answer to your question, since you're evaluating the non-existing bond between yourself and your friend. However, I'll gladly affirm to you that a friendship that isn't reciprocated is not a good friendship.



I have had a similar situation with a friend whom I'd grown up with but who was also consistently a very negative person, a true Debby Downer. One day, I just had enough of her criticism and vitriol. I stopped making excuses for her and dumped her. It was a great decision and I haven't looked back. With that in mind, it could be possible that something has changed in your friend's life, but it's insignificant if she isn't responding to you. It's time to dump her and spend your energy where it's appreciated. Don't dwell on this friend. History is not enough to create a lasting bond, it only means just that—you and your friend have history—so let her be history!



- The Armchair Psychologist

Need more armchair psychologist in your life? Check out the last installment or emailarmchairpsychologist@swaaymedia.com to get some advice of your own!