Making the decision to move in together is a big milestone in a relationship. Not only are you going to have more time together as a couple, but you’ll also save money on rent and other bills.
As exciting as combining two households can be, it can also be stressful if you’re not prepared. Below are a few tips to help make moving in together easier and a little less stressful for both you and your partner.
1: Knowing Your Living Styles
Understanding your partner’s day-to-day habits and routines will help you prepare before you live in the same space, eliminating any surprises. Late-night TV watching or midnight snacking in bed are examples of habits to bring up prior to moving in.
2: Make A Money Plan
Money is one of the biggest reasons for conflict with couples. Talking through each other’s financial situations is a first step to better understanding spending habits, income, debt, and credit history.
Below are a few other items to review together:
How will the bills be split? This is an important question, especially if one person makes significantly more money than the other. Is it a 50/50 split? Does one person pay the mortgage or rent and the other the utilities?
What is our monthly budget? Setting up a monthly budget will eliminate any uncertainty about where money is going or how it’s being spent. Rent, utilities, food, and transport are all items you’ll plan for, but be sure to also budget for entertainment and other spending and agree to not make large purchases without checking with each other.
What are our savings priorities? Now that you’re saving a little extra because there’s only one place to pay for, you can save some money for other priorities. Is a new car or a vacation needed in the future? Start that planning now.
Don’t wait to get to your new home to sort through your stuff. You’ll not only be moving items you won’t need, but you’ll have a harder time letting go of personal items once you get them to your new space.
3: Decide Where To Live
Ideally, find a new place the two of you can move into together. Having a clean slate allows each partner to visualize how the new home will feel, and both people can share opinions on how much space is needed and how to decorate.
If you decide to live in one partner’s already-established home, which can be a great option for saving money, prepare plenty of space in the closet and bathroom, and plan to redecorate as if it’s a new home—we’ll have more on this later.
4. Sort Through Your Stuff
Once you have a good idea about the size of place you’re going to be sharing, it’s time to take inventory of each other’s personal items. There are probably items you each have that you won’t need two of in your new home, such as couches, cooking utensils, and beds, so determine what to keep, what to sell or donate, and what to toss.
Don’t wait to get to your new home to sort through your stuff. You’ll not only be moving items you won’t need, but you’ll have a harder time letting go of personal items once you get them to your new space. Look at this move as a new beginning for you and your partner, and let go of the things you don’t need.
Spending time alone with friends builds your external support circles and helps you maintain your individuality.
5: Establish Rules for Chores and House Keeping
Discussing household chores or how bills will be paid isn’t a glamorous part of a relationship, but setting a few clear household rules will help avoid conflict later. Once those guidelines are in place, each partner will understand what’s expected. Do you like the bed made every day? Compromise by determining that the last person out of the bed every morning makes the bed. Don’t like taking out the trash? Offer to clean the bathroom weekly if the other person will dump the garbage.
6: Decorate Your Place Together
Both partners want to feel welcome and invested in their new place. This is especially true if one person is moving into the other’s home. Your new space should be a statement of who the two of you are together rather than one person’s décor with a few things from the other person sprinkled in. Compromise so each of you can feel at home.
This is a great opportunity for purchasing a few upgrades that make your lives easier or more comfortable. If you have the means, invest in a couple of new furniture pieces to complement your shared space. Smart devices such as TVs, coffee makers, and smart home hubs can help make everyday tasks more convenient for both of you without breaking the bank. Painting a few accent walls is another low-budget way to make your house feel more like a home.
7: Have Your Own Space
Sharing a bedroom and other common areas in the home is one great advantage to moving in together. But you should also carve out private spaces in your new place that are just for you. That can be a private room or a small corner in the bedroom for reading or downtime.
Having your own space also means enjoying your lives outside of your home as well. And just because you’ve decided to live together, that doesn’t mean you can’t still experience other things on your own just as you did before you joined households. Spending time alone with friends builds your external support circles and helps you maintain your individuality.
Following these tips will help make this next step in your relationship a successful one. Do you have any tips for moving in together? Leave us a comment below.
New parents re-entering the workforce are often juggling the tangible realities of daycare logistics, sleep deprivation, and a cascade of overwhelming work. No matter how parents build their family, they often struggle with the guilt of being split between home and work and not feeling exceptionally successful in either place.
Women building their families often face a set of challenges different from men. Those who have had children biologically may be navigating the world of pumping at work. Others might feel pulled in multiple directions when bringing a child into their home after adoption. Some women are trying to learn how to care for a newborn for the first time. New parents need all the help they can get with their transition.
Women returning to work after kids sometimes have to address comments such as:
"I didn't think you'd come back."
"You must feel so guilty."
"You missed a lot while you were out."
To counteract this difficult situation, women are finding mentors and making targeting connections. Parent mentors can help new moms address integrating their new life realities with work, finding resources within the organization and local community, and create connections with peers.
There's also an important role for parent mentors to play in discussing career trajectory. Traditionally, men who have families see more promotions compared to women with children. Knowing that having kids may represent a career setback for women, they may work with their mentors to create an action plan to "back on track" or to get recognized for their contributions as quickly as possible after returning to work.
Previously, in a bid to accommodate mothers transitioning back to work, corporate managers would make a show at lessoning the workload for newly returned mothers. This approach actually did more harm than good, as the mother's skills and ambitions were marginalized by these alleged "family friendly" policies, ultimately defining her for the workplace as a mother, rather than a person focused on career.
Today, this is changing. Some larger organizations, such as JP Morgan Chase, have structured mentorship programs that specifically target these issues and provide mentors for new parents. These programs match new parents navigating a transition back to work with volunteer mentors who are interested in helping and sponsoring moms. Mentors in the programs do not need to be moms, or even parents, themselves, but are passionate about making sure the opportunities are available.
It's just one other valuable way corporations are evolving when it comes to building quality relationships with their employees – and successfully retaining them, empowering women who face their own set of special barriers to career growth and leadership success.
Mentoring will always be a two way street. In ideal situations, both parties will benefit from the relationship. It's no different when women mentor working mothers getting back on track on the job. But there a few factors to consider when embracing this new form of mentorship
How to be a good Momtor?
Listen: For those mentoring a new parent, one of the best strategies to take is active listening. Be present and aware while the mentee shares their thoughts, repeat back what you hear in your own words, and acknowledge emotions. The returning mother is facing a range of emotions and potentially complicated situations, and the last thing she wants to hear is advice about how she should be feeling about the transition. Instead, be a sounding board for her feelings and issues with returning to work. Validate her concerns and provide a space where she can express herself without fear of retribution or bull-pen politics. This will allow the mentee a safe space to sort through her feelings and focus on her real challenges as a mother returning to work.
Share: Assure the mentee that they aren't alone, that other parents just like them are navigating the transition back to work. Provide a list of ways you've coped with the transition yourself, as well as your best parenting tips. Don't be afraid to discuss mothering skills as well as career skills. Work on creative solutions to the particular issues your mentee is facing in striking her new work/life balance.
Update Work Goals: A career-minded woman often faces a new reality once a new child enters the picture. Previous career goals may appear out of reach now that she has family responsibilities at home. Each mentee is affected by this differently, but good momtors help parents update her work goals and strategies for realizing them, explaining, where applicable, where the company is in a position to help them with their dreams either through continuing education support or specific training initiatives.
Being a role model for a working mother provides a support system, at work, that they can rely on just like the one they rely on at home with family and friends. Knowing they have someone in the office, who has knowledge about both being a mom and a career woman, will go a long way towards helping them make the transition successfully themselves.