Career 19 December 2016
You’ve read every development book on Amazon. You’ve attended various different seminars, learned from the brightest in your industry, and regularly model your advisors and icons. You’re following the traditional roadmap in achieving success in your career goals - and it’s working.
Except …when it isn’t. Your lack of emotional intelligence is threatening to blow up your entire career.
Here’s how to avoid the pool of toxicity:
1.Don’t lose your temper.
Anger is an absolute deal breaker. Who wants to be around someone unable to properly process their emotions? What does it do for you to release that onto someone else?
Tip: try screaming at the top of your lungs in the shower, in a park, or in the car - tension may need to be released, and you'll probably feel way better.
2. Pretending to be someone else.
“Masks” sometimes are worn in the workplace, at social mixers, odd networking events, or those "drag your feet" team building meetings, but regularly acting like an imposter is a disaster for you and for your team. No one can act more like you than YOU! You owe it to yourself to embrace your uniqueness, and you’ll gain more trust and build better relationships as well. Tip: As they say: “Be yourself ... everyone else is taken!”
3. Check your ego at the door please.
This is definitely a killer. This is the narcissist, the "better than,” the "insulter" - you won't be winning with this one under your belt. This is a red flag disaster that screams "run the opposite direction." Or it’s reminiscent of your six-year-old self who didn't get that favorite toy and screamed endlessly. Tip: Please try and practice some self-compassion
here. Realize you’re doing the best you can, and you can always choose differently.
Steering clear of above traits and having the awareness when these situations arise will help you navigate and even better, help your fellow colleagues from crashing their ships as well.
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Help! My Friend Is a No Show
Dear Armchair Psychologist,
I have a friend who doesn't reply to my messages about meeting for dinner, etc. Although, last week I ran into her at a local restaurant of mine, it has always been awkward to be friends with her. Should I continue our friendship or discontinue it? We've been friends for a total four years and nothing has changed. I don't feel as comfortable with her as my other close friends, and I don't think I'll ever be able to reach that comfort zone in pure friendship.
Dear Sadsies,I am sorry to hear you've been neglected by your friend. You may already have the answer to your question, since you're evaluating the non-existing bond between yourself and your friend. However, I'll gladly affirm to you that a friendship that isn't reciprocated is not a good friendship.
I have had a similar situation with a friend whom I'd grown up with but who was also consistently a very negative person, a true Debby Downer. One day, I just had enough of her criticism and vitriol. I stopped making excuses for her and dumped her. It was a great decision and I haven't looked back. With that in mind, it could be possible that something has changed in your friend's life, but it's insignificant if she isn't responding to you. It's time to dump her and spend your energy where it's appreciated. Don't dwell on this friend. History is not enough to create a lasting bond, it only means just that—you and your friend have history—so let her be history!
- The Armchair Psychologist