Every entrepreneur dreams of reaching a level of success where their business is a well-known brand-name to their audience, new users or customers are becoming interested in their product every single day, and of course, someone knocks on their door with a multi-million dollar offer to buy a company that once started as a tiny idea.
Last year, Whitney Wolfe, the founder of the “women-first dating app", Bumble, made headlines for declining a $450 M dollar acquisition offer.
While some might have read that headline and wondered what the heck she was thinking, others might have found themselves cheering her on.
Wondering why? For starters, the offer came from Match Group, a company that also owns dozens of popular dating websites and apps, like Match.com, OKCupid, and Tinder.
If you don't know much about Wolfe's background, know this: she was also the co-founder of Tinder and served as its VP of Marketing for two years. She ended up leaving with a lawsuit in her hands for the parent company, InterActive Corp, alleging sexual harassment and sex discrimination.
Perhaps that was all the fuel she needed to launch Bumble, an app that empowers women to find love, friendship, and soon business connections.
So not only did she turn down the cash from a company that now owns the dating app she once helped start and then left once she was taken advantage of, she also realized that the offer wasn't such a good one, even though $450 M dollars might seem like a whole lot of cash.
If we take a step back and examine what really happened when she declined Match Group's acquisition, we can learn these three important things.
Photo Courtesy of The New York Post
1. Don't Settle
While it might be tempting to go with the first offer someone gives you when you're doing business or hire the first person you interview, as an entrepreneur, adopt the motto that you just won't settle.
It's something a lot of us say to ourselves when it comes to love, so why don't we stress it more when it comes to how we run our business too? Just because a large acquisition was dropped on Wolfe's table, doesn't mean she had to agree just to play it safe. She exuded confidence and decided to go with her gut that the best is yet to come with her app and with future offers that might come her way.
2. Know Your Worth
One lesson to learn as a brand new entrepreneur is that you shouldn't let your excitement rule your decisions. It might be a huge milestone moment when a large company puts in an offer to acquire your company or product, but it doesn't mean you should sign on the dotted line immediately. Evaluate the worth of your company and the projected worth over the next five years. If the offer is lower, you may want to decline, counter-offer, or continue to build the company and take it public.
In Wolfe's case, she might have laughed at the $450 M dollar offer, since last year, Bumble had an expected evaluation of $500 M. Who knows what it's worth this year or will be worth in the future with all the expansion and new features that Wolfe is launching over the coming months.
Photo Courtesy of Vogue
3. Grow Your Own Way
One of the biggest potential reasons what Wolfe said “No, thanks" to this deal was that she has her own plans for expansion in the coming months and a potential acquisition could cut her and her ideas out of the picture. She's looking to add new features to the app, like an easier way to swap between dating and finding friends, adding a business connection service for networking, and a new look and feel to the app.
Perhaps the lesson learned here is that if you have a vision, go for it. Don't let money talk or change your course when you believe in your product or business and feel it's worth more than anyone is willing to offer you right now in the moment.
For decades, women have been unknowingly suffering from PSD and intergenerational trauma, but now Dr. Valerie Rein wants women to reclaim their power through mind, body and healing tools.
As women, no matter how many accomplishments we have or how successful we look on the outside, we all occasionally hear that nagging internal voice telling us to do more. We criticize ourselves more than anyone else and then throw ourselves into the never-ending cycle of self-care, all in effort to save ourselves from crashing into this invisible internal wall. According to psychologist, entrepreneur and author, Dr. Valerie Rein, these feelings are not your fault and there is nothing wrong with you— but chances are you definitely suffering from Patriarchy Stress Disorder.
Patriarchy Stress Disorder (PSD) is defined as the collective inherited trauma of oppression that forms an invisible inner barrier to women's happiness and fulfillment. The term was coined by Rein who discovered a missing link between trauma and the effects that patriarchal power structures have had on certain groups of people all throughout history up until the present day. Her life experience, in addition to research, have led Rein to develop a deeper understanding of the ways in which men and women are experiencing symptoms of trauma and stress that have been genetically passed down from previously oppressed generations.
What makes the discovery of this disorder significant is that it provides women with an answer to the stresses and trauma we feel but cannot explain or overcome. After being admitted to the ER with stroke-like symptoms one afternoon, when Rein noticed the left side of her body and face going numb, she was baffled to learn from her doctors that the results of her tests revealed that her stroke-like symptoms were caused by stress. Rein was then left to figure out what exactly she did for her clients in order for them to be able to step into the fullness of themselves that she was unable to do for herself. "What started seeping through the tears was the realization that I checked all the boxes that society told me I needed to feel happy and fulfilled, but I didn't feel happy or fulfilled and I didn't feel unhappy either. I didn't feel much of anything at all, not even stress," she stated.
Photo Courtesy of Dr. Valerie Rein
This raised the question for Rein as to what sort of hidden traumas women are suppressing without having any awareness of its presence. In her evaluation of her healing methodology, Rein realized that she was using mind, body and trauma healing tools with her clients because, while they had never experienced a traumatic event, they were showing the tell-tale symptoms of trauma which are described as a disconnect from parts of ourselves, body and emotions. In addition to her personal evaluation, research at the time had revealed that traumatic experiences are, in fact, passed down genetically throughout generations. This was Rein's lightbulb moment. The answer to a very real problem that she, and all women, have been experiencing is intergenerational trauma as a result of oppression formed under the patriarchy.
Although Rein's discovery would undoubtably change the way women experience and understand stress, it was crucial that she first broaden the definition of trauma not with the intention of catering to PSD, but to better identify the ways in which trauma presents itself in the current generation. When studying psychology from the books and diagnostic manuals written exclusively by white men, trauma was narrowly defined as a life-threatening experience. By that definition, not many people fit the bill despite showing trauma-like symptoms such as disconnections from parts of their body, emotions and self-expression. However, as the field of psychology has expanded, more voices have been joining the conversations and expanding the definition of trauma based on their lived experience. "I have broadened the definition to say that any experience that makes us feel unsafe psychically or emotionally can be traumatic," stated Rein. By redefining trauma, people across the gender spectrum are able to find validation in their experiences and begin their journey to healing these traumas not just for ourselves, but for future generations.
While PSD is not experienced by one particular gender, as women who have been one of the most historically disadvantaged and oppressed groups, we have inherited survival instructions that express themselves differently for different women. For some women, this means their nervous systems freeze when faced with something that has been historically dangerous for women such as stepping into their power, speaking out, being visible or making a lot of money. Then there are women who go into fight or flight mode. Although they are able to stand in the spotlight, they pay a high price for it when their nervous system begins to work in a constant state of hyper vigilance in order to keep them safe. These women often find themselves having trouble with anxiety, intimacy, sleeping or relaxing without a glass of wine or a pill. Because of this, adrenaline fatigue has become an epidemic among high achieving women that is resulting in heightened levels of stress and anxiety.
"For the first time, it makes sense that we are not broken or making this up, and we have gained this understanding by looking through the lens of a shared trauma. All of these things have been either forbidden or impossible for women. A woman's power has always been a punishable offense throughout history," stated Rein.
Although the idea of having a disorder may be scary to some and even potentially contribute to a victim mentality, Rein wants people to be empowered by PSD and to see it as a diagnosis meant to validate your experience by giving it a name, making it real and giving you a means to heal yourself. "There are still experiences in our lives that are triggering PSD and the more layers we heal, the more power we claim, the more resilience we have and more ability we have in staying plugged into our power and happiness. These triggers affect us less and less the more we heal," emphasized Rein. While the task of breaking intergenerational transmission of trauma seems intimidating, the author has flipped the negative approach to the healing journey from a game of survival to the game of how good can it get.
In her new book, Patriarchy Stress Disorder: The Invisible Barrier to Women's Happiness and Fulfillment, Rein details an easy system for healing that includes the necessary tools she has sourced over 20 years on her healing exploration with the pioneers of mind, body and trauma resolution. Her 5-step system serves to help "Jailbreakers" escape the inner prison of PSD and other hidden trauma through the process of Waking Up in Prison, Meeting the Prison Guards, Turning the Prison Guards into Body Guards, Digging the Tunnel to Freedom and Savoring Freedom. Readers can also find free tools on Rein's website to help aid in their healing journey and exploration.
"I think of the book coming out as the birth of a movement. Healing is not women against men– it's women, men and people across the gender spectrum, coming together in a shared understanding that we all have trauma and we can all heal."