#SWAAYthenarrative
BETA
Close

10 Happiness Hacks For A Shitty Day

4min read
Self

We've all had those days - your boss is in a horrible mood for no apparent reason, you walked to work in the rain, oh, or your make up decides to disappear between your home and the office.


Whatever the reason, we understand your pain. Having a bad day is the worst. But there are sure and impenetrable ways to lighten your mood. Maybe you have a failsafe way to get a smile on your face - a swipe to your favorite kitten-obsessed Instagram page, or a white chocolate Hersheys bar.

If perchance you are a person who really struggles to out of that funk, who sulks all day, we're here with ten remedies that might turn your day around, most of which can be done from your desk.

1. Inject 80's music into ears

If the company allows, pop those earphones in and what I'd personally recommend, is a little 80's disco. There is nothing better than Chic or Earth, Wind and Fire when you're pissed off. Why? Because instead of the buzz of the office or the slur of your agitating overlords, there's a whole lot of crazy fun going on in your head and there's nobody that can get in on that action. You've likely danced more than a few nights away to these songs, so relish in those memories and go back to work a happier you.

2. Google anything Tina Fey or Amy Poehler have ever said

We are positively obsessed with these ladies, because they have the ability to make us laugh every.single.time either decides to open her mouth. If there's a strict no-youtube policy on the office floor (we've heard tell such workday laws), they are quoted on innumerable websites that could be passed for research or stat-seeking. Go forth with confidence and a dose of hilarity.

Tina Fey in The Office

3. Apply some red lipstick

Red lipstick was invented to embolden women; to rouge a boring lip; to raise spirits. There is nothing better than that feeling: the one you experience after you've put your first layer on, because you look so good. It hasn't smudged yet, you can't see that snagged streak of red on your tooth, and you feel positively fabulous. We would recommend anything from Mac's Russian Red to Chanel's Coromandel. Because, honestly, how can you remain sullen? Red lips are made for smiling.

4. Scroll J.K Rowling's Twitter feed

Ah, your childhood, remember it? This woman certainly does, she provided a whole lump of what you remember of it: midnight queues for book releases, twilight showings of new movies. And she most certainly hasn't lost her charm, or her way with words. Her Twitter feed is a goldmine of sarcasm, humor, fantasy, and the occasional political rant. And, 12.3 million people seem to agree.

5. Add a little sweetness to your coffee order

Is it a mocha day - or a caramel macchiato afternoon? We wouldn't advise going as wild as the uber-sugary Summer '17 hit the Unicorn Frappucino, but a little peppermint syrup, whipped cream or some foamy deliciousness added to your boring old drip coffee, can sometimes be the most wonderful change you so desperately need on a bad day.

6. Take a smokeless smoke break

No ladies, we are not advocating for a cheeky workday cig. Smoking is bad, but the "smoke break" retains certain benefits, despite the nicotine. And how is your boss to know you don't smoke? Maybe you spontaneously took it up because of all the work they've been giving you lately. Notify your overlords, and get out of the office for a few minutes, walk around the block, ring your mom, make use of the age-old getaway that was institutionalized during the Mad Men era and yet under-implanted by millennial everywhere.

7. Plan a getaway

This sounds a little funny, because it is a little funny. If you're having a shitty day because of a money problem, maybe skip to number 8. If however the only thing you can think of is getting the f out of the office - this is perfect for you. Look up a day trip out of town, even if it's just a weekender. Maybe you're in need of a Caribbean cruise or some zip lining in Saint Lucia? Whatever it is, get on Kayak, look up flight sales or Groupon weekend offers and just browse. What's the harm in searching? If you find some crazy deal, even better, if not, that's OK, at least you are reminded that a break from the office craziness around you is possible.

8. Have a (controlled) but completely gratuitous Amazon Prime spree

Amazon Prime was Jeff Bezos' way of helping all women in need of a quick fix to get it via two-day shipping and a world of stuff to choose from, well at least that's how we see it. Whether it's a $20 bathing suit, the shiny new coffee maker you've wanted for eternity, or a book you've been dying to read, just buy it. It will there in two days; you didn't have to go to the store for it; and it will make your day (as well as delivery day) infinitely brighter. And get pumped for Prime Wardrobe, which will enable you to Prime Spree without the guilt. You'll be able to order as many items of clothing as your heart desires to your home, without paying a single cent. Try them on in front of your bedroom mirror, and what you don't like, send back in the same box they came, for free. Amazon, you just get us.

9. Make reservations without reservation

If you visualize a martini, a martini will come. We promise. Get Opentable or Thrillist up on your screen and choose your watering hole for the evening. Food and drink can take a terrible day into greatness - from a glum Monday to a tough Friday. Call your girlfriend, set a night in motion and spend the rest of your day happily anticipating the revels of the evening ahead. Who knows where a bad day might take you.

10. Have a lollipop

Depending on your work environment, you might want to wait until you leave the office for this one. If not, suck it loud and proud. We don't exactly know why they make us feel better, but there's something so childishly wonderful about eating a lollipop as an adult that we can't deny its mood-altering qualities. If you're feeling exuberant, grab a whole bag of Blow Pops, and get to bubble making.

Our newsletter that womansplains the week
5min read
Featured

The G-spot Exists Even When Junk Science Tries To Con Women Into Thinking It Doesn’t

Yes, there is a G-spot. Of course there's a G-spot. There's always been a G-spot. And while we're on the subject, it's not a spot. It's not a little button or dot. It's an area. While we're on the subject, we really should rename it all together. A man “discovered it." Uh, huh. And he named it after himself. Of course. But I digress. The point is, the G-spot very much exists.


How do I know? Because I've touched my share of them. I've touched them and stimulated them, and the women to whom those G-spots belonged had delicious orgasms from the said touching of them. Ask them. Go ahead. You don't have to believe me because the G-spot is not the Easter Bunny or Santa Claus or even God for that matter. It's not something to “believe in." It's something that exists because it's there and you can touch it.

As the author of two books on women's sexuality, “O Wow: Discovering Your Ultimate Orgasm" and “The Ultimate Guide to Solo Sex," I have talked to hundreds of women; researched and spoken to the experts; and read, read, read everything I could get my hands on. I know the G-spot exists because it exists. That is how you know something exists. You do not however, deny the existence of something because, well, it's self-serving.

And in case you're thinking, “You've written some sex books and slept with some women. You're no doctor." You're right. But Juliana Morris, PhD, LMFT, LPC is. She's a credentialed therapist, academic, and a bona fide (s)expert, with decades of experience “counseling and supporting thousands of individuals and couples on their paths to discover and own their sexual agency."

Her thoughts on the G-Spot? “Yes, it exists. Better stated….every (biologically identified) woman has the potential for pleasure in an area within her vaginal cavity. That is how I describe it. An area of potential. I am confident it exists because of hundreds of interviews and work with women. Women who have experienced pleasure in an area within her 'accidently,' women who have made purposeful efforts to find pleasure in this area as a solo or partnered endeavor using specific techniques to maximize the potential of pleasure for her and hearing both groups describe the difference of pleasure from other orgasmic experiences."

The fact that some folks who have the audacity to call themselves “researchers" when they only had thirteen women in their study – THIRTEEN – decided there is no G-spot because they couldn't find one is idiocy. I have touched more than thirteen of them personally. Just all by myself, no research study – OR DOLLARS – required. Morris adds, “That study is inaccurate and is inherently flawed. In large part because of the belief that it functions like other pleasure organs. Mainly, however, because it is asking the wrong questions and using inadequate parameters to prove or disprove it."

I'll tell you what outranks that study by a zillion – reality. I have touched the G-spots of women I have loved, women I have hooked up with, and even women with whom I have taken Body Dodson's famed masturbation workshop Body Sex. Of course there's a G-spot. Don't be ridiculous.

This is just another chapter in the on-going saga of “men who don't want to learn about women's bodies or have women know about their own bodies so let's just call women frigid or broken or too complicated." We and our bodies are none of those things. Women who don't want to have sex aren't frigid. They are tired of showing up for an activity that feeds male pleasure and leaves them hanging because too many men have no idea how to work the equipment.

Women aren't broken. We don't have penises. We don't want or need penises. We have something WAY better. We have clitorises with 8,000 plus nerve endings and no other job other than to give us pleasure. And, no, our bodies aren't too complicated. All you have to do is ask. Believe me, if you care enough to ask, she'll be happy to tell you what rocks her world.

The thing is, men, who are in charge of the budgets and the research and the media and the message, get nothing for themselves – zero, zilch, nada – from teaching and promoting the truth about women's bodies and sexuality. Not to mention is that all men want to do is measure and quantify. No can do with the G-spot. But that doesn't matter one bit.

Morris explains, “I do believe the reason behind the quest to invalidate the G-spot area is heavily rooted in the misguided notion that a woman's pleasure experience cannot be measured or seen and thusly cannot exist. The antiquated medical and scientific views of research do not apply to the variance and contextual nuisances of womanhood and female pleasure. And that difference-from the male, medical model is threatening and challenging and for some in that world, easily dismissed. Or must be dismissed. Unexplained + variance +can't be seen/measure= bad, crazy, non-existent. And frankly…the scientific and medical world, especially male practitioners in general still exhibit a level of discomfort if not distaste for female pleasure."

On the other hand, straight men gain plenty from creating and feeding the myths. They can keep women feeling less-than and self-conscious and dirty and broken and thinking that they need a man, that they are lucky to even have one since they are so broken. Then men don't have to learn or put in any effort in the bedroom or anywhere else for that matter because they are, all puns intended, cock of the walk. Well, fuck that.

Listen up, ladies. There is nothing wrong with you. Not one damn thing. Your body and your clitoris and your vagina and your very much existing G-spot are all perfect and they are all yours. And while we're on the subject, you have every right to enjoy them on your own, with a partner, with many partners, within a loving relationship, just for fun, whatever.

Masturbate, make love, hook up, you do you. Literally. You don't need a man. You can want one. But you do not – I repeat, do not – in any way need a man for sexual pleasure. The penis is completely and totally unnecessary for female sexual pleasure. COMPLETELY UNNECESSARY. There are mouths and fingers and toys and even vegetables that are actually far better suited for the job.

Too much of this “there's no G-spot" nonsense comes from the fact that most folks don't even know the truth about the clitoris. That tiny little bud on the outside is the tip of the iceberg. The clitoris has long, internal legs. Think inverted wishbone.

Women have just as much – if not more – erectile tissue than men.

Women have just as much – if not more – erectile tissue than men. Women can experience gobs of pleasure when some penis isn't just using the vagina like some sort of masturbation sleeve, banging away until said penis is done. And – side note – when it's done it's done, unlike the mighty clitoris which requires zero recoup time. ZERO. Sure the G-stop is a relative of the clitoris. Regardless of who or what it's related to - it exists. Not every woman goes wild when her G-spot is stimulated. That is true. Not every women can identify her G-spot. That is true. But every woman does have a G-spot. You simply have be enough of a human being to care about women and their bodies and their pleasure to know that. People can tell you about Game of Thrones in minute detail but they don't know the difference between a vagina and a vulva. (The vagina is the internal canal. The vulva is the external bits.)

This is getting so idiotic. We don't need any more studies. We need people to start talking to and LISTENING to women. The very pussy owning humans themselves. Want to know the truth about women's bodies? Pay attention to the ones you are insanely lucky to be intimate with. This is all verifiable info. This is not some Lochness shit here. Come on.

Women need to know their bodies. Human need to know about women's bodies. “I think it is crucial for women to understand, deeply, the implications of our variance in anatomy and pleasure," says Morris. "Our variance needs to be acknowledged, understood, celebrated and validated. Our variance is indeed beautiful. Normal. Expected. No big deal. Some of our variance is rooted in evolutionary brilliance. Some of it is evolutionary irrelevance, and it just is. We all need a roadmap to examine our sexuality and pleasure and medical studies like this just distract us from the REAL research."

"That dream aside, pleasure is our birthright. We have the right to seek, enhance and experience pleasure. On our own terms and in our own way. Validating the existence for the potential for pleasure in this area is one area where women can choose to claim this collectively." -Juliana Morris

If you're a woman, grab a mirror and have a look. Masturbate, please. Insert your own fingers into your own vagina, curve it upwards, and two inches in, toward the front of your body, you will feel a patch of tissue with ridges on it. Play with it and it will expand. That's your G-spot. Insert a toy that vibrates to stimulate it. Insert the classic and most reliable toy on earth for masturbation, the Betty Dodson Barbell, and try out her Rock and Rock Method of masturbation. (You can thank me later.) And once you have done that, you will smack the face of anyone who tells you what body parts you don't have. And if someone argues with you, make a note to never, ever, ever have sex with them. Ever. And to those “researchers," get a real job. Women don't need anyone else telling us that we don't have body parts that we clearly do. We don't need anyone else chipping away at our self-esteem. We don't need any more sex shaming. And thirteen people? Really? Thirteen? Shame on you. You and your practices and your findings are ridiculous.

And to anyone who has the honor of engaging with a woman and her body, be respectful, pay attention, put your own pleasure on the back burner, remember that just because it feels good to you doesn't mean it does a damn thing for her, and for God's sake, listen – listen, listen, listen.

Yes, Virginia, there is a G-spot.